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Clockrow

Koubagia

Superluminal Porygon
Well, this is my new fic, Clockrow. It's set in the anime Universe, but there's not much of the actual anime time in it. You'll see what I mean when you read it. So, enjoy it!

Clockrow

Part 1 - Paradox

Chapter 1 - Just Passing Through

“Ash? ASH!” cried May. Tears dripping down her face, onto her crimson clothes. He will have made it. He was a survivor. She and him always made it through disasters, some much worse than this. No, she was kidding herself; this was the hardest task they had faced. There seemed to be no solution, but she was sure they would find him. They had been searching for quite some time. May didn’t want to lose hope; it was all she had right now, for it always seemed to be Ash who saved them. She smiled weakly thinking about his optimism even at the worst of times. But somewhere inside her, there was a small voice saying that he hadn’t made it. Most people don’t normally make it through helicopter crashes.

"May, look!” shouted Lance, a new acquaintance of hers. He had known Ash longer than she had, May and he met only an hour before. He had unusual pink-red hair and wore a black cape matching his clothes. May had thought him pretentious until she learned he was a member of the elite four Pokémon trainers. He had called because he had seen something below them, down a small ledge. Almost directly below them was the helicopter Ash had been in, or rather what was left of it, for it was now a smoking pile of scrap metal. And as if to torture her, there on the top of the wreckage was Ash’s favourite cap, oddly undamaged.

"No!” she screamed. She jumped down the ledge. It was not too high, about three metres, but it was still high enough for her to land awkwardly on her ankle upon hitting the ground. She didn’t care, the pain was nothing compared to what she was already feeling. Her mind was filled with dread that the worst must have happened. She picked up the hat, and cradled it in her arms. She fell to the ground, and wept. Ash had been her best friend for over a year. At first it had seemed they were very different, May had only just acquired her first Pokémon when they met, a Torchic, and was not overly fond of the creatures. Most frightened her. But travelling with Ash made her grow much fonder of Pokémon, and he had become a great friend to her, even if he was a little immature.

May was brought back to reality by a tremor in the ground below her. She knew what created it, and the people that had caused it to awaken. The people who had caused the death of her best friend. As if to taunt her all the more, still perfectly clear even among the rubble was the Team Aqua “A”. She remembered how much danger she was in, for they and their rivals, Team Magma, had finally achieved their goals. Groudon and Kyogre had risen.

Lance, Brock and Max climbed down the ledge to meet her, with an air of panic. Brock was a man of about eighteen years of age, of Asian origin. He was usually very understanding and controlled, but he seemed scared now. Max was her little brother of about eight years of age, with blue-black hair and glasses. He too appeared worried.

“May, I’m sorry about what’s happened,” said Brock, fear causing a lack of sincerity in his tone. “But we have to go, look!” He pointed out to sea, and through the trees May could see the cause of their concern. A huge wave heading towards the coast. A tsunami. Brock was right; they had to move to higher ground. But her legs would not take her there.

“Come on!” Shouted Brock, trying to pull May with him. But he knew it was no good, he could not pull her up the rock face they had slid down. She would have to come willingly, and climb. But May had no intention of doing that; she kneeled by the wreck of the helicopter, her eyes filled with tears of sorrow and anger.
Lance was also worried. “Come on, we have to go! Get May!”
“She won’t move!” Brock shouted back.

May was only half-aware of what was going on, but she knew she had to say something. “Go,” she said softly, “I can’t leave him. You must understand, I’ll be okay, I have my Pokémon.”
Brock nodded. He knew how she felt; he had suffered the loss of someone close to him at a young age, and he knew the emotions she was feeling. He knew there would be no moving her. “We have to go. She won’t move.” He turned to Max. “This is going to be a hard thing for you to do, but May wants to stay here, okay? She’ll be fine. She has her Pokémon.”

Max was now crying, too. “I don’t wanna lose my big sister May,” he pleaded. May had been like a parent to him. She had promised to look after him on their journeys, and she had kept that promise. But now…
May tried her hardest to reply, but she couldn’t find the words.
“Come on,” Said Brock, “we’re in danger here.” He put his arm around Max, and led him toward the rock face. With a glance back, Brock started to climb, helping Max as he went. Lance followed.

May remained crouched by the wreck of the helicopter, too upset to worry about the danger she was in. She heard the rush of water from the tsunami. Soon all her sadness would be gone. She readied herself for the end. She glanced up at the wave, it was very close now. She felt the water surround her. She noticed in her last moments a green glow, she neither knew nor cared what it was. She took a last breath and choked on water. Her consciousness slipped away, and she felt her emotions disappear.

---

“Right then, lets have a look here, shall we? Date: Some point in 2005. Location: Hoenn. Wow, that helps. I need that damn upgrade, pity they don’t exist any more. Anachronisms: Whoa, that’s quite a list. Great, I love a challenge. Hey, wait a minute, you’re waking up!”

May stirred. She could hear a voice, no one she knew. She couldn’t place the accent even, perhaps slightly British. Where was she? Shouldn’t she be dead?
With that thought she remembered everything. She opened her eyes and sat up. In front of her was a boy, about fourteen years old. He wore a dark green sweatshirt, and brown baggy trousers. She looked up at his face. He had blonde hair, fairly short and spiked on top. He looked down at her with bottle green eyes, amused. Behind him, no, it couldn’t be… She blinked, but it remained there, floating above the ground. Stood with the boy was a legendary Pokémon, she had seen pictures of it in history classes, it was supposed to be a myth. The Pokémon that could control time.

“Seen Celebi, have you? He gives most people a shock, don’t ya Celebi? But he’s fine, wouldn’t hurt a fly, not that you’d know what a fly is.”
The Celebi did a back flip in midair.
“Well, it’s nice to see you awake May, that’s more than can be said about your friend here,” the boy indicated to his left. There, laid on the ground, unconscious but breathing, was Ash. His black hair was soaking wet, he too must have been caught up in the great wave. His blue sweatshirt was also soaked through. His trademark hat was missing, and May noticed she had it in her arms.
“Ash!” screamed May, overjoyed. “I thought…”
“He was dead? I did too, to be honest. But we can’t have that; he’s needed in the future. But lets not be giving away too much information, the timeline is mucked up enough as it is. Anyway, lets see what I have to do…”

He began fiddling with his wristwatch. And then it projected a 3D image into the air above it, though it only showed text. May was startled. “What’s that?”
“This? It’s a Chronometer XP, and a useless pile of Luvdisc it is too. When it doesn’t crash, it tells me my exact time and location, and any anachronisms in the timeline. Or at least it’s supposed to, it never seems to work. That’ll teach me to buy Microsoft.”
Hovering above the chronometer now was a 3D model of what was unmistakably the Windows logo.
“Takes forever to boot up too,” he continued, “I used it only five minutes ago, must have turned itself off. Typical.”

But May was not really listening. She looked around, all there were around her were trees, and no ocean visible through a gap as there was before, they must have moved deeper into the forest. Her attention has drifted towards Ash. She bent over him and put his cap back on his head, where it should be. But someone was missing.
“Where’s Pikachu?”
“Hmm?” Said the boy, “Oh, Haven’t a clue, this damn thing’ll tell me in a moment. Pikachu bonded with the Blue Orb, didn’t it? My guess is that it’s with Groudon. That’s where it should be at least. Ah, here we are.”
The chronometer made the windows logging on jingle.
“Let’s see… Damn, this isn’t right. Kyogre is winning the battle, because Pikachu isn’t there to help Groudon. It seems to be at, hang on…”
He used his finger to scroll down the text, poking at the image that was projected above his Chronometer.
“Ah, here we are. Pikachu is in… Hoenn. I don’t know why I don’t just chuck this thing away right now. Well, we’ll have to find it, as soon as Ash here wakes up.”
“I can help with that,” Said May. She bent over Ash, and kissed him on the cheek. His eyes opened.
“May?” He said, disoriented.
“Aw, why’d you do that?” Joked the boy, “I was gonna use a foghorn, much funnier.”
“Who’s this?” Said Ash, sitting up.
“Roan Clockrow, Guardian of Time, holder of Celebi. And, your biggest fan, I might add,” Said the boy.
“My biggest fan?” Replied Ash, as though it was the most weird and wonderful of the three.
“Yeah. Well, not yet. Give it a few decades, and you’ll know me pretty well.”
“Guardian of Time?” Asked May, “Holder of Celebi? What do you mean?”
“Basically,” Roan replied, “I go whizzing round time and space with this little green guy. I stop the timeline going into chaos, enduring many life-threatening adventures along the way. It’s dull work. Speaking of which, we need to find your Pikachu, Ash. Any ideas where it is?”
“I don’t know where he could be. Don’t you know where he is?”
“Well, we know for sure it’s in Hoenn,” Said Roan, tapping a button on the Chronometer, turning it off. “Any clues, May?”
“I guess we’ll just have to look,”
“PIKACHUUUUU!” A huge electric flash, much bigger than what Pikachu could normally create, thundered about a hundred metres to their left.
“Or perhaps we don’t,” Said Roan. He looked expectantly at Ash. “Call for it then!” He said, with an air of stating the obvious.
“Pikachu!” Shouted Ash, in the direction of the explosion. No response. He got up and ran towards it.
“Oh for Rayquaza’s sake, come back, its dangerous!” Shouted Roan.
May remembered what had happened. The Blue Orb had fused with Pikachu, causing it to lose its memories, and become much more violent and irrational, not to mention it’s attacks increasing in power greatly.
“Well, there’s no point sitting here and letting him kill himself, is there? You coming, May?” He dashed off after Ash, Celebi hovering behind him. May got up and followed.

May was slower than Roan, he was clearly very fit. She followed lagging behind a little. They reached a clearing. It was totally empty, even of grass. Burn marks streaked across the bare rock that was left. She followed them to the centre of the clearing. Sat in the middle was Pikachu, its eyes glowing red. Ash was running toward it. Roan stared at him and sighed. “Celebi, bring him back here, would you?”

Roan’s Celebi nodded, and began glowing green. The same green glow surrounded Ash. He disappeared, and reappeared next to May. He tripped, and fell over. He got up, with a stunned expression on his face. “How did you…”
“Celebi is a time-warp Pokémon. He has to be able to move things through space as well, otherwise most of our time-warps would leave us floating in space, seeing as the Earth moves round the Sun. So I just got him to bring you back here, and back to safety. Oh by the way, don’t go near that Pikachu again.” He spoke the last sentence like a bossy parent. “It’ll kill you, huge voltages are coming from Pikachu now that it’s charged by the Blue Orb. The best way to get it would be a spacewarp, like the one I just sent you through. We can take it straight back to Groudon, and the timeline can finally get back to normal.”

---

Max, Brock and Lance were back at the coast, watching the battle between Groudon and Kyogre from a safe distance. They were all quiet, full of regret from leaving May behind. Max hadn’t said anything at all. The scene in front of them was looking like a clear victory for Kyogre. Groudon was severely weakened by the tsunami that had hit an hour before. It had deflected other attacks with Solarbeams, but it was only a matter of time before it ran out of energy. Brock and Lance had decided to side with Groudon, as it was defending the land, but it was fighting a losing battle. It was stood on the beach, with Kyogre in the sea near the shore. Brock, Lance and Max were on top of a small cliff to the left of the battle. It gave them a side on view of everything that was going on. And they did not like what they saw.

“So what will happen if Groudon loses?” Asked Brock.
“The rain caused by Kyogre will continue endlessly, causing all the land on Earth to sink below sea level. I highly doubt that was the intention of Team Aqua, but they should have known better than to meddle with powers like this.”
Brock paused for a moment, “Can’t we do anything?”
“Nothing. To change the course of this battle you would need immense power, something strong enough to weaken Kyogre, but would not affect Groudon at all. In short, you need an Electric Pokémon.”
“If only Ash hadn’t…”
“We must not give up hope. There is a chance his Pikachu survived.”
And as though taking a cue, in a flash of green light Pikachu appeared on Groudon’s head.

“Well, here we are,” Said Roan, “Nice job with Pikachu, Celebi. He’s right where we wanted him. Oh, hi!” He said to Brock, Lance and Max. They had appeared just behind the three of them on the cliff. The three of them spun round shocked. But they were overjoyed when they saw who was stood there.
“May! Ash!” Cried Brock and Max, overjoyed to see them both. Max ran up to his sister and hugged her. “I thought you were…”
“I’m fine! Listen, about what I did earlier. I’m sorry I upset you so much.”
“I thought I would never see you again, May!”
“And who are you?” Asked Lance, to Roan. Everyone looked at him.
“Me?” He replied innocently, “Oh, I’m no-one, I was just passing through and happened to notice that the world as we know it was coming to an end. I thought I’d stop off and lend a hand. By the way, that battle down there looks like its gonna get interesting, so I would look if I were you.”
Everyone looked back at the scene on the beach below them. Pikachu launched another Thunder attack, directed right at Kyogre. Kyogre created another tsunami to hold it off, but it shot right through it. Groudon launched a Solarbeam at it too. The two blasts hit Kyogre, which sent it flying back into the sea. But it was not done. The Sea monster swam back to the shoreline with incredible agility, but it didn’t attack.
“What’s happening?” Asked May.
“They look like…” Replied Brock, “…They’re talking.”
It did indeed appear that the two titans had come to a truce. They remained where they were for a few minutes, exchanging words. Pikachu jumped from Groudon and scurried towards the six humans.
“Look,” Said May, “Its eyes are back to normal!”
And they were.

“Pikachu!” Laughed Ash. It climbed the cliff and leapt into his arms. He fell to the floor, laughing.
May looked for a moment at him, smiling. She then looked back at the scene below them. Groudon and Kyogre had stopped talking, and then they slowly moved away from each other; Groudon headed up into the mountains, and Kyogre swimming back into the depths of the sea.

May looked back at the people she was with. Roan had his Chronometer out once again, again waiting for it to load.
“Come on! Why the hell did I turn it off in the first place?”
She also noticed Celebi, hiding from view in a fault in the rock behind them. Roan obviously requested that it stayed away from view when in the presence of other people.
“Finally,” Said Roan, “Lets see, anachronisms… Good, everything’s more or less back to normal, except… no, that can’t be right.”
“What?” Asked May.
“Oh, its nothing, probably a glitch in this damn software. Right, I best be going.”
“You’re leaving?” Asked Ash.
“I have to. So much time, so much to do. Say, would you like to come with me May?”
“Me?” Exclaimed May. “Why?”
“I could use a travelling companion,” He dropped his voice to a whisper, “Saving space-time can get surprisingly lonely. Come on, Celebi can take you anywhere, anywhen.”
May considered it. The offer was tempting. “It won’t be as exciting as this all the time, will it?”
“Naa, usually its much more dangerous. Come on, I have a great time that we could go to, it would really interest you.”
May glanced back at Ash. He was playing with Pikachu, hugging it and playing games. She made up her mind. He doesn’t need me. “Ash, I’m going to go with Roan.”
“What! What about m… uh, Max?”
May knew that was not who he was going to say. She kissed him on the cheek. “I’m sure you can look after him.”
Ash blushed, and then nodded. “Go have an adventure, May.”
“Well, that’s that settled,” Said Roan, “Let’s go, shall we?”
“Goodbye Ash!”
“Goodbye, May.” They hugged, and May disappeared in a green glow.
“I’ll miss you,” Said Ash.
 
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YankeeFan2

Number 1
Pretty awesome chappie. I really like how you used dramatic influences for your characters. Continue Soon!
 

Overwhelming_Latias

Well-Known Member
Flawless. I'm rather surprised that your fic has not had more reviews, because it is actually one of the best fics I've read in a while. Anyhoo, here's the 'full' review:

Good Points
-The actual story is excellent. Sure it features events from an anime episode (373-374, Gaining Groudon/The Scuffle Of Legends, right?), but you expand beyond that and introduce your own character, plotline, outcomes and such. I'm keen to see how you handle May's time-travelling with Roan. Kudos there.

-Roan Clockrow is an awesome character. At first I thought "Oh no, he's a Gary Stu", but I got the impression that Celebi was more his partner than his Pokemon. He's been fleshed out quite well for an opening chapter, I look forward to further character development.

-Haha... some good jokes too. The Chronometer has to be one of the best gadgets I've seen in a fic, and the Windows idea is VERY realistic too...

-Spelling, grammar and punctuation. I spotted no mistakes at all. Good to see you checked over it before posting.

'Bad' Points
-I would've liked to see a little bit more of the Kyogre-Groudon duel, but that's not really a problem.

Well excellent work overall, I'm going to keep an eye on this fic! Keep it up! :D

-OL
 

Shadows Follower

Well-Known Member
I think this is fantastic. Its certianly original, descriptive, unique characters -
everything a good fic needs. From what I say you haven't made any mistakes in grammer or punctuation and I found the humor very good.

I will definately read this in the future when you post up your next chapters.
 

Kazuki Yukimura

Well-Known Member
I really liked it,and I´ve saw so much fanfics, so, you have got a really bright future making fanfics, keep up the real good work.
 

Koubagia

Superluminal Porygon
Wow, thanks!

I think you'll like the next chapter. Its a kind of murder/mystery thing, I'm working on it now. Shame about the lack of replies though, considering there has been close to 100 views... post when you come in, people!
 

Klaus

TOMATO BERRY!
I could hug you! This is based around the happenings around of the Grodon vs Kyoger episode. That is one of my favorite episodes.

I must say that i'm quite impressed by this one. You introduced your own character whilst avoiding the Mary/Gary stuff.

Keep up with this one and it is sure to be a good one.

*comes back with a some what negative note*

You do need to put more spacing in, you know, spread out the sentences abit. That's all.

GREAD JOB!

As always, be kind to the mime. ;122;
 

ShadowCloud62

Child at Heart
*nods* Interesting. May needs more character, IMO. You pulled it off with aplomb. You finally made May seem important. I rarely see it these days...plus is this Advanceshipping? Just wondering.
Overall, good story, I hope you update soon.
 

Yoru Ryu

Zhampy
Yeah, it looks good so far. I suck at reviewing stuff and giving crit, but could you double space between each different person talking? It's not too bad as it is but double spacing looks much better.

I really wanna see these episodes (if only for Lance X3) so it's great to see them written out in someone else's style and views ^^
 

SnoringFrog

Well-Known Member
First off, 7 pages is not too long. I've read chapters that are around 20 pages, and a few that have had to split into two posts. So don't worry about the length.

There seemed to be no solution. But they would find him.
That should e on compuond sentecne.

May had thought pretentious until she learned he was a member of the elite four Pokémon trainers
Pretentiously, and I think that you should clarify what she thought pretentiously about.

He was pointing something out to her, off the ledge they were stood on.
You don't need that comma, but this sentence doesn't sound good anyways; you should reword it.

Almost directly below them was the helicopter Ash had been in. Or rather what was left of it, for it was now a smoking pile of scrap metal.
Another compuond sentecne run together.
for her to twist her ankle on hitting the ground.
'on' is not the right word for this sentecne; I believe you meant 'upon'.

She fell to the floor, and wept.
Aren't they outside?

Brock nodded. He knew how she felt; he had suffered the loss of his parents at a young age,
What? Both of Brock's parents are alive in the animé, but his mother is only in a special episode not included in the mainstoryline if I remember correctly.

May was slower than Roan, he was clearly very fit. She quickly lost him among the trees; she followed lagging behind a little.
If he lost her in the trees, how is she only a little behind? If he lost her, she would probably be lagging farther behind.

BTW, by this point, I'm forcing myself to read.

“Celebi is a time-warp Pokémon. He has to be able to move things through space as well, otherwise most of our time-warps would leave us floating in the vacuum of space, seeing as the Earth moves round the Sun.
This is pretty much the only sentence I like in this story, and that's only because it points out something that some people don't consider with time travel; it still doesn't sound too great.

“Nothing. To change the course of this battle you would need immense power, something strong enough to weaken Kyogre, but would not affect Groudon at all. In short, you need an Electric Pokémon.”
Why electric? Kyogre's weak against fighting, fire, rock, and steel. Why not rock? It's not very effective agaisnt ground, and super-effective agsint ice.

Alright, I did not like this story at all. The sentences were all choppy, and alot of them were incorrectly punctuated, I'm just too lazy to read the entire thing more carefully and pick them all out again. I could hardly force myself to finish reading it, and if you hadn't asked for my review, I probably would have quite reading after a few paragraphs. Both May and Ash seemed out of character, and I didn't pay much attention to Brock, Lance, and max, o I can't really comment on them.

All in all, I did not like this story at all.
 

Koubagia

Superluminal Porygon
SnoringFrog said:
Kyogre's weak against fighting, fire, rock, and steel

Kyogre is pure water, not water/ice...

What? Both of Brock's parents are alive in the animé, but his mother is only in a special episode not included in the mainstoryline if I remember correctly.

Really? Damn, I don't really watch Chronicles. It has no impact on the plot though, so I'll change it to "someone close to him".

Thanks for the constructive criticism, I'll make those changes.
 
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Nasuka

Guest
This story right here has some potenial, it's nice to see a time-travelling fic. I like Roan Clockrow, and it's refreshing to see a character not used as often like Lance(He's one of my favorite characters.) Now what you need to work on is the character's personalities. To me, May didn't seem like nor did Ash. But in short this fic is alright.

And SnoringFrog,
About the electric type thing. I have to disagree. You use electric type because it doesn't affect ground at all and is super effective against water. Why use something that's not very effective to ground types when you can use something that doesn't effect it at all?
 

Koubagia

Superluminal Porygon
Nasuka said:
Now what you need to work on is the character's personalities. To me, May didn't seem like nor did Ash.

Upon reading it again, I was a little disappointed with my characters, I feel I concentrated too much on Roan. Ash is a major character in the fic, although not at his current age. May will get a lot more time in chapter two, where I can really work on her personality. We don't see much of Ash in C2 though, dead people don't tend to talk much.

Heh, that should grab people's attention...

Stay tuned for Chapter two by the way, I'm working on it right now, expect it soon.
 

shining-Celebi

Well-Known Member
I think all the constructive critisism has been mentioned. I really like this fic.,especially since it has Celebi in it <3<3. Well, finally May will *really* time travel. I can see Pokeshippers not liking the Advanceshippyness in this, but in this fic, I think, Pokeshippers can tolerate the hints.

Awesome chapter!I'll be back.^_^
 

Act

Let's Go Rangers!
I'll tell you now that I really, really hate the anime and everything having to do with it. I wouldn't normally read a fic using anime characters, and I don't know how they're supposed to act (though considering they're all stus and sues to begin with, you have a lot of room to work with). Yet, a request is a request and I can still comment on plot and grammar. :)

---


“Ash? ASH!” cried May. Tears dripping down her face, onto her crimson clothes. He will have made it. He was a survivor.

Ouch. I'm hoping the period after May was supposed to be a comma, otherwise you have one heckuvah sentence fragment and some flying tenses going on here. On that note, when you change the period to a comma, de-capatalize 'tears.'

She and him always made it through disasters

She and him? Alrighty, grammar time. First of all, a compound subject is all in one case. You don't mix nominitive pronouns (I, we, she, he, they) with objective ones (me, us, him, her, them). You can *never* have things like 'he and her' or, yes, 'she and him.' Secondly, this is in fact the nominitive case because it is the subject of the sentence. Never will the subject use the 'me, us, him, them' pronouns. So, it should be 'she and he.' BUT that sounds funky and isn't aestitically correct, s just make it 'they.' I'm not sure why you didn't do that in the first place.

Strange font aside, this first paragraph was all over the place. There were about five different tenses and a jumble of thoughts. There's a difference between making your prose convey the confusion of a character and just plain making your prose confusing. I'd rework the whole thing, paying careful attention to sentence structure.

He had known Ash longer than she had, May and he met only an hour before.

You were using semicolons corretly (albeit, a little strangely) in the first paragraph, and this is a place for a semicolon, not a comma. Again, what do you have again the pronoun 'they'? It's so much easier to read, but if you don't want it, you should probably have 'May and Lance' or 'she and he,' not a mix of both. In any case, there needs to be a 'had' before the 'met.'

Oy, I do hope there aren't seven pages of pronoun mistakes like this. That would be one interesting review.

He had unusual pink-red hair and wore a black cape matching his clothes.

I think we all know what Lance looks like; that's not a particularly necessary sentence, and one like it could easily throw off the flow of a paragraph.

May had thought him pretentious until she learned he was a member of the elite four Pokémon trainers.

So just because he's a memeber of the Elite Four (which should be capatalized, BTW), he can't be pretentious?

Almost directly below them

You use the phrase 'below them' twice in the space of about 15 words. That'd be a no-no.

Whew. You're sentence structure needs some serious work. It's choppy and strange, making the most basic of terms seem hard to understand. It feels like this was done quickly, and you were trying to get all of these ideas out at once so they just exploded onto the page randomly and choppily.

“No!” she screamed. She jumped down the ledge. It was not too high, about three metres, but it was still high enough for her to twist her ankle upon hitting the ground. She didn’t care, the pain was nothing compared to what she was already feeling.

Ow. That was a little stupid. What was Lance doing as she threw herself over the ledge? And from experience, twisted ankles hurt like hell. You don't just get up and run on them like you're totally okay.

Aside, I giggled at that last line. This is a little over-melodramatic, IMO.

Her mind was filled with dread that the worst must have happened.

We KNOW that already! You spent the first paragraph telling us about it in every tense under the sun.

She picked up the hat, and cradled it in her arms.

As opposed to trying to dig through the wreck and find the body? Why haven't they called 911? It might still be possible to save him.

Ah, so it's a Groudon-Kyogre fic. *nods* BTW, the sentence structure is still a tad choppy, though a tad better at this point.

Lance, Brock and Max climbed down the ledge to meet her, with an air of panic.

They met her with an air of panic? Did they keep the air in a box? The syntax is, again, very wacky. The post-comma clause is most definitely in the wrong place, and the meaning is warped. I'd reword the whole thing.

Brock was a man of about eighteen years of age, of Asian origin.

They're *all* of Asian origin, hun, whether they look it or not. This is a Japanese show.

I still don't understand why you find it necessary to tell us what they look like. We know. We couldn't be pokemon fans without knowing; save Max, all of them were in the games as well as the show.

I do have to wonder why Brock isn't upset. He's known Ash longer than anyone.

I'll have to stop now for a moment and direct you to this link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1926607/1/

If you read, I think you'll find you've followed the format almost exactly, which is very weird. It's a parody, BTW, not a serious fic, which makes it not-good that you've stuck to it.

But her legs would not take her there.

Especially considering her ankle is bruised to a ridiculous degree at this point.

But May had no intention of doing that; she kneeled by the wreck of the helicopter, her eyes filled with tears of sorrow and anger.

AND HER ANKLE IS FREAKING NEAR BROKEN.

Ahem.

Dude, they're just leaving her to be killed by the tsunami? What crappy friends. Brock has huge, powerful pokemon, why doesn't he just make them go get her?

At least Max seems to be in touch with reality.

the danger she was She heard the

The end of your sentence here got eaten.

“Right then, lets have a look here, shall we? Date: Some point in 2005. Location: Hoenn. Wow, that helps. I need that damn upgrade, pity they don’t exist any more. Anachronisms: Whoa, that’s quite a list. Great, I love a challenge. Hey, wait a minute, you’re waking up!”

You need some kind of nifty scene-break symbol before this. Like even a --- will work, just let the reader know that the scene is over and done with.

Why did you stop spacing your paragrphs? It's annoying to read this way.

I don't care what he looks like! Just finish the story! Stop with the clothing descriptions!

with bottle green eyes

That's a new one. Explain the color 'bottle green' to me.

pictures of it in History classes,

History should not be capatalized.

But he’s fine, wouldn’t hurt a fly, not that you’d know what a fly is.”

Why wouldn't she know what a fly is? Real animals very obviously exist in the pokemon world. They reference elephants in the pokedex, and James says something about whether or not the chicken invented the egg in one of the early episodes.

See? Had they just started digging for his body and called 911, they could have saved his life right then and there.

That’ll teach me to buy Microsoft.”

She shouldn't know what a fly is, but she'll understand a Microsoft reference? That said, if animals don't exist in your pokemon world, how does this kid know what they are? He doesn't timetravel, the celebi does, and our world obviously doesn't exist in a different time, but a different dimnesion, something that celebi have no claim to as far as I know.

But May was not really listening. She looked around, all there were around her were trees, and no ocean visible through a gap as there was before, they must have moved deeper into the forest.

What forest? Last I checked, they were on some random ledge. Also, the last comma should be a semicolon.

“Hmm?” Said the boy, “Oh, Haven’t a clue

'Said' and 'haven't' should not be capatalized.

The chronometer made the windows logging on jingle.

This is just stupid. I can tell you right now that Bill Gates does *not* offer timetravel software to the pokemon world, and he never will.

“Let’s see… Damn, this isn’t right. Kyogre is winning the battle, because Pikachu isn’t there to help Groudon. It seems to be at, hang on…”

Hahahaha. A *pikachu* is going to actually have an influence on the outcome of a kyogre-groudon battle?

---

I actually have to stop now, life beckons. Thank God.

This is a prime example of why I *don't* read anime-based fanfics. This was just awful to read. It was contrived, cliche, logic-defying, and the prose was just awful. To be redundant, some of the events just lacked any clear thought-- it was like on big WTF moment. That aside, the prose was painful. It was choppy, grammatically strained, and felt rushed and slammed together carelessly.

If you really want, you're welcome to ask me to continue the concrit, but it's up to you.

Good luck. You seem to have some little fans (though how much they know about writing I cannot honestly say).

o.o;;
 
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Koubagia

Superluminal Porygon
The chronometer made the windows logging on jingle.
This is just stupid. I can tell you right now that Bill Gates does *not* offer timetravel software to the pokemon world, and he never will.
This is actually quite relavant to the plot, so I'm leaving the references in.
“Let’s see… Damn, this isn’t right. Kyogre is winning the battle, because Pikachu isn’t there to help Groudon. It seems to be at, hang on…”
Hahahaha. A *pikachu* is going to actually have an influence on the outcome of a kyogre-groudon battle?
If you'd seen the episode, then you would know the answer to that is yes. I did explain it a bit later anyway, fusing with the Blue Orb made it much stronger.

Aside from that, the constructive crit has been useful, I've made most of the necessary changes and even changed "twisted her ankle" to "landed awkwardly on her ankle".
 

Bay

YEAHHHHHHH
I thought the story is pretty good so far. Liked the humor you put in on Roan, liked some of the others had said. Maybe you could put a little intro on how the blue orb got absorbed into Pikachu and how both Kyorge and Groundon got awaken, a little info on what happened liked in the anime. I know this story is not suppose to be like an anime remake or something of the like, but there are those people that had not watched the episode yet and some might wonder how did that happen. It doesn't need to be a long chapter of what had happened in the anime but maybe just a little background. Maybe that part will be somewhere in the story? (But I doubt it will as this is a time-travel story).
Anyways, cannot wait for the next chapter!
 

SnoringFrog

Well-Known Member
Kyogre is pure water, not water/ice...
Dangit. Sorry about that, for some reason I was thinking it was pure ice. Nevermind that then, what you chose works perfectly then. I shouldve double-checked myself on that.
 

Smile Guy

Keep Smiling...
Wow! I am actually very much impressed by this. I haven't finished it (it's getting late) so a full review later. But so far "Wow!"
 

Koubagia

Superluminal Porygon
Well, it's been quite a while, but here is chapter 2. Enjoy!

Chapter 2 – Champion of Champions

“Well, here we are! 2011, six years in the future from your perspective. With any luck, we’re at the time and place of the Indigo Pokémon League,” Roan said. His face was filled with enthusiasm. May wondered if he was always this excited when he went to a new time. She was excited as well; her body was filled with the same buzz she had felt when she had first started travelling with her Pokémon. She had a feeling she was going to enjoy her time with Roan. They had arrived in a forest, with a lake nearby. A lone tent was pitched by the waterside.

“So let me fill you in on the history up to this point,” Continued Roan, clearly enjoying himself. “Ash took part in the Hoenn Pokémon league, coming eighth place. He met a man named Scott, who asked him to come back to Kanto, where Scott had set up trainer facilities known as the Battle Frontier. He took part in this competition and won. Next-“
“What about me?” Asked May.
“You? Oh,” His face lost a little of its enthusiasm. “You, uh, were forced to stay within Hoenn by your mother. She couldn’t face you being that far from home.”
That doesn’t sound like Mum.
“Anyway, after taking the Battle Frontier challenge, he decided to collect Kanto gym badges again, and participate in the Indigo Pokémon League.”
“Did he win?”
“That’s for me to know and you to find out. The final takes place tomorrow. Now let’s see if I can get this Chronometer working…”
“Can we head into town? I’ve always wanted to see Indigo Plateaux.”
“What?” Said Roan, clearly lost in thought. “Sure, why not? It’s about half a mile that way…”

---

Indigo Plateaux in May’s time had been just the Stadium where the Pokémon league took place, with the odd Pokémon centre and hotel. But in six years it had grown around the stadium into a large town, popular with tourists. As they reached the centre of town, it became a hive of activity, with many tourists, all there for the Indigo League. Roan didn’t seem to notice, the Chronometer seemed to have crashed and he was grumbling while trying to fix it.

“Damn Microsoft, why didn’t Apple ever make any of these? More money for Bill Gates the fifteenth, I suppose. I’m almost glad they don’t exist any more.”

Don’t ask, thought May, trying to think of a way to change the subject. “Can I get a newspaper or something? I wanna see if anyone I know is taking part.”
“Sure, go ahead. Do you have money?”
“Yeah, plenty.”
“Good, things still cost about the same as in your time,” he said, distracted. May noticed that Celebi had disappeared again, wondering where it was hiding. May walked over to a nearby newsagent, and picked up a copy of The Kanto Chronicle. A familiar face stared at her from the cover, though he was six years older, Ash Ketchum still looked about the same as he always had, though he looked more mature. He still wore his trademark red cap. She smiled. Until she read the headline.

---

“Roan! ROAN!” She called. He didn’t even look up; he was busy fiddling with buttons on his Chronometer. She ran up to him, and stuck her Chronicle in front of his face. By now May was covered with tears at the shock of what she had read. Why did this have to happen again?

Roan took the paper from her shaking hands, frowning. He looked at it for a moment, and he did a double take, shocked.

“This can’t be…” He mumbled. “The impact this would have…” He scanned a newsagent, but all papers bore the same wretched headline.

‘Pokémon League Favourite Murdered’.

May was still crying, she was resting her head on Roan’s chest. She couldn’t believe she had lost him twice in such a short time. And this time, Roan couldn’t wave a magic wand and make everything all right.

Or could he…
“Why don’t we just go back and stop-?”
“That’s a paradox, and we have to be careful with paradoxes. I should know. If he’s dead, I’m sorry but…”

The optimism this glimmer of hope had created faded just as quickly as it came. Though May had stopped crying, the sadness she felt had not faded from her.

“It does seem a bit odd though. This never happened, so we would need a major anachronism for this to happen. Damn Chronometer. No kiss is gonna’ wake this thing up.”

May recalled how just hours ago she had brought Ash back to consciousness with a kiss on the cheek. That won’t work this time…

“I’m sorry, that was tactless,” Apologised Roan, noticing her face falling. “Listen, this is going to be difficult for you, but I’m going to have to take a look at that body, this is far too suspicious for me to accept.” He checked the newspaper. “Let’s see: “…tournament favourite Ash Ketchum was found dead in his room on the Stadium Road Pokémon centre. Police have not yet removed the body for autopsy…” well, that settles it. That’s where I’m going.”

May noticed that although Roan was usually witty, under pressure he became very serious and a force to be reckoned with. She also found him infuriatingly intelligent, now that he had a chance to shine, the way he spoke his mind and always seemed to think two steps ahead. She felt the shock of losing Ash lessen slightly. “I’ll come with you to the Pokémon Centre,” She said, “But I won’t go in.”
“Fair enough. Now, we need a private place where Celebi can space-warp us, a back street or something.”
May pointed out a small alley to the left of the newsagents. “Will that do?”
“That’ll be fine, come on.”

They headed into the alley. Celebi didn’t seem to be around. “Where is Celebi?”
“Where every trainer keeps their Pokémon.” He motioned downwards, and May noticed a Pokébelt. It was full.
“What other Pokémon do you have?”
“My team is Celebi, Umbreon, Slowbro, Charizard, Gengar and Venusaur.”
“Wow,” May looked impressed.
“They’re not that good. Come on; pick your jaw up off the floor. We need to go!” He released his Celebi.
“Celebi, could you take us to the Stadium Road Pokémon Centre?”
Celebi nodded. It did a cheerful backflip and began glowing green.

---

May looked around at her new surroundings. They were on a quiet street, clearly far from the tourist area. Compared to the busy street she had been moments ago, this place seemed appropriately dismal. The only sign of life were the police guarding the door to the deserted Pokémon Centre, with Growlithe at their heels. The change in mood made May think of her loss again. She sat down on a graffiti-covered bench, out of view of the guards. Roan was back to business.

“Okay, this must be the place. Unusual street for Ash to stay on, cash must have been tight,” He looked back towards the guards on the door of the Centre. “Well, we’re not going to get past them, are we?” He sat down next to May, who was staring at nothing in particular.

“Look,” Said Roan, putting his arm around May, “It seems hard, I know. Especially as this is the second time in just a few hours. But I think this is too unusual to be true. There is a chance that we might be able to save him. And believe me, we need to.”
May felt a bit better. “So how are we going to get in? Can’t Celebi warp us?”
“Space and time warps take a lot of energy. Celebi just warped us here, the last thing I want to have to do is take a legendary Pokémon to be healed at a Pokémon Centre.”
Fair point. “So how are we going to get past those guards?”
“I do have a plan, but I’ll need to fix the chronometer.”

---

Roan fiddled with his gadget for about fifteen minutes. May wondered how often this was going to happen. “Why don’t you just get another one?”
“Another chronometer? Well…” Roan looked oddly distressed.
May decided to change the subject. “Have you nearly fixed it?” She inquired.
“Nearly,” He pushed a button and the Chronometer began to load. The Windows logo appeared, hovering above the chronometer, then as before the Windows logging on jingle chimed.

“Excellent!” Roan punched the air. He grabbed a Pokéball, and tossed it. In a flash of red light, an Umbreon now stood at their feet. It was a black, dog-like Pokémon with golden rings of fur, standing out from the black coat like moonlight in the night. Roan took the chronometer off his wrist and attached it around his Umbreon’s neck.

“When it works,” explained Roan, “The chronometer can record a three dimensional image of its surroundings using radar. That’s a little gadget I added. Umbreon can slip past the guards, and the chronometer will record the interior of the Pokémon Centre, or at least every room that Umbreon goes in. He can find Ash, and when he comes back out, I will have a full 3D image of the room he was killed in. You got that, Umbreon?”
It nodded, and headed into the Pokémon Centre. It quietly slipped past the guards without them noticing a thing.

Fifteen minutes passed. May started to think about what little Roan had said about her future. Her mother had allowed her to go anywhere in Hoenn when she started her journey. Why should she not let May leave the region? She decided to question Roan further.
“Why didn’t my Mum let me leave Hoenn?” she inquired.
Roan looked thoughtful. May assumed he was trying to remember. After all, why should he know her life story, out of all the people who had ever lived, and ever would live? After a few moments, he answered her.
“Your mother had an argument with Ash’s parents at the Hoenn league championship. After that, she wouldn’t let you anywhere near Ash’s family.”
May tried to imagine her mother arguing with someone, and yet she couldn’t. Her mother was rarely angered, and from what she had heard of Mrs. Ketchum, she was a very nice woman that her mother would get on with. May didn’t understand. She felt that Roan was keeping something from her.

---

Another five minutes passed, and Umbreon sleeked past the guards once again. It walked obligingly towards Roan, who patted it affectionately. He took the Chronometer from its neck, and returned it to its Pokéball.
“Right then, lets see what we have.” He turned a few dials and poked hovering buttons. A single pop-up was all that was on the screen. It read “View?” and had “yes” and “no” buttons at the bottom. Roan turned to May, and sighed. “I expect you don’t want to see this, so I’ll get out of your way.”
May thought about it. “Stay. You’re right; I don’t want to see this. But I feel like I have to.”
Roan nodded. “Alright,” he said solemnly. He pressed the “yes” button.

The projection startled May. Hovering right above the Chronometer was a full three-dimensional image of a Pokémon Centre guestroom. The quality was astounding, everything looked totally real: the walls, the furniture and the bed. Then, the shock of what she was truly seeing hit her.

There laid on the bed, was the body of her best friend. His arms were twisted at an awkward angle, as though his last thoughts were panic. He was covered with blood, and in the centre of his chest was a blackened wound. He had been shot.
Roan too was studying the body. It did seem very real, no doubt about it. However, he knew this was what to expect. There was only one possible way this could be a fake. It could fool DNA tests and all forms of forensics. However, there was always one small flaw. He touched Ash’s head, and the image zoomed in on that feature of the room. Instantly, what Roan suspected was confirmed. The dead body of Ash had bright pink eyes. The eyes of a Ditto.
Roan could have jumped for joy. “Yes! He’s not dead, I knew it!” He cheered.
May was confused. “But how?”
Roan explained to her, and watched her features light up with joy. “The question is,” He finished, “Why would anyone go to the trouble of making Ash seem dead?”
May thought about it. Could they want something from someone? What about from Ash himself? “A will?” She suggested.
Roan considered it. “Yes,” he said. “Yes! That must be it. It all makes sense. Ash left something of value to someone in his will. That person wanted that thing so badly that they were willing to take it from him. But…” he considered it again for a moment. “But, they had always been close to Ash, and couldn’t bring themselves to murder him. So they make him appear dead, so that the item they wanted would go to them under the terms of the will. Then, it would be a simple matter of changing his memory with a Psychic Pokémon, and sending him to live somewhere like Orre, out of the way where no-one would recognise him.” He looked extremely confident in this.
May however was not so sure. “But what would they want from him? And who is “they”?”
“That’s what we are going to have to find out. I can think of only one person who Ash would choose as his solicitor. Its time to take a trip to the office of Ash Ketchum senior!”

---

Scarcely five minutes later, May found herself inside a huge high-rise office in Saffron City, over a hundred miles from Indigo Plateaux, thanks of course to Celebi. Roan was talking to Mr. Ketchum’s secretary, doing a marvellous piece of play-acting.

“We’ve travelled all the way from Hoenn,” sniffed Roan, through huge theatrical sobs. “We are friends of Ash’s, and as soon as we heard that…” he paused, and allowed himself a mock wail. “We had to come. Ash always talked of his father, and we thought we should…” he sobbed once more, dabbing his eyes on a handkerchief. “That we should pay our respects.” He sat down, with his head in his arms pretending to weep, but May could see that he was s******ing.

The secretary looked unsure of what to do. She hesitated, and called her boss. “Mister Ketchum,” she said timidly down the phone, “There is someone here to see you concerning your son. It seems… urgent,” She added, looking at the trembling form of Roan. She listened for a moment, and then put the phone down. “Mister Ketchum will see you now.”
“Thank you,” came Roan’s reply, back to his usual cheerful tones. They got up and walked into the office, the secretary glaring at them, fuming.

---

“Mister Ketchum,” Said Roan. He had now put on a much more businesslike tone. May marvelled at how he could adapt to any situation and come out on top. He seemed so much more mature than fourteen. “We are here on a matter of great importance concerning your son’s will,” he continued. “I trust it was left with you?”
“It was,” Came the stern reply. Ash Ketchum Senior was the very image of his son, although much more mature. His hair was styled the same, though it was now grey, and his face was longer and starting to wrinkle. May would put him in his late fifties. He wore a solicitor’s suit, with the twist of a Pokéball patterned tie. It seemed quite out of place in a solicitor’s office, it was like seeing a rosebush in the desert. Although it seemed like it while travelling with Ash, the entire world did not revolve around Pokémon. Pokémon was a sport, and while people watched it on television and had small battles between Rattata and Pidgey on the playground, very few became involved seriously with Pokémon training. She wondered if Mister Ketchum had once been a trainer, and had decided to settle down once he had left his prime, and this tie was how he hung on to his past.
“May we see the will?” Asked Roan, forcefully but carefully.
“I’m afraid that is out of the question. Ash left only one request. His Pokémon were to be given to a person who he trusts explicitly should any harm come to him.”
Roan’s face showed dawning understanding. May too, now felt it was obvious. If he was the tournament favourite, then he was considered the best trainer in the world. His Pokémon would certainly be a tempting prize that someone would go to extraordinary lengths to get- it would be like getting the body of a top athlete.
“Who’ve they been given to?” Asked Roan, far too urgently and forcefully.
Mr. Ketchum now looked alarmed. “It was in the conditions of the will that I was not to disclose that information to anyone.”
“Dammit!” Shouted Roan. “We are investigating your son’s death. It is key to our enquiry that you give us this information! You could be withholding the identity of the killer!”
“ENOUGH!” Roared Ash’s father back. “Police? You cannot be older than fourteen! This is ridiculous! You are simply trying to take my son’s possessions from their rightful owner. If you do not leave my office, then I shall call the real police!”
Roan looked ready to explode, but May grabbed his shoulder. “Come on,” She said.
Roan calmed himself slightly, and stormed out of the office. “Well,” he said. “This certainly makes life more difficult. Damn him, if only he knew…”
May followed him out of the office. He slammed the door to the solicitor’s behind him, and headed for a back street.
“Wait!” Cried May. “Where are we going?”
“Back to Indigo Plateaux,” Said Roan. His temper seemed to have cooled. “At the PLHQ, they have public records of all Pokémon trainers, and all the Pokémon they own. We simply need to run a search for a trainer with a Psychic Pokémon, and a Ditto.”
May nodded. The Pokémon League Headquarters was a huge government funded corporation that organised all Pokémon tournaments and events. When a trainer caught a Pokémon, the Pokéball connected briefly to the nearest PLHQ station and the new information was added into a database. What’s more, the information was publicly accessible so that fans of the sport could make speculations about who was going to win the next Pokémon league and such. It was a clever system.
“Off we go then,” Said Roan. “Celebi?”
Celebi nodded and glowed.

---

The PLHQ building was a new site constructed near the Indigo Stadium. It was a gigantic silver dome, held by indigo-coloured rivets, the trademark colour of the PLHQ. It was ten storeys high, and its enormous size was dwarfed only by the hundred thousand seating stadium itself. The ground floor was devoted to a museum devoted to the history of Pokémon, and most importantly had the access computers for the trainer database. It appeared that it would soon be closing to the public for the day, May realised how dark it was getting.
Roan simply strode inside feeling none of the intimidation May was. He paid the entrance fee for them both, and asked for directions to the database.
“The trainer database?” Confirmed the cheerful looking tour guide. “Go straight on from here, and take a left at the Legendary Pokémon exhibit.” She smiled at Roan. “Have we met before? You look familiar.”
“I don’t think so.” Said Roan. “Thank you!”
They rushed away hurriedly. May looked around the museum as she went. There were skeletons, stone tablets and meteorites all around, some huge in size. Roan passed the Legendary Pokémon exhibit without looking, but May stopped in wonder at what she saw. This entire exhibit seemed to be covered with pictures of Roan. “Roan!” She called. “Look at this!”
He darted back to the exhibit where May had stopped. He looked around, amused. “Well,” he said, “Now we know where the guide had seen me before.”

The exhibit showed all sorts of rock paintings, hieroglyphic tablets and Braille inscriptions all referencing or depicting Roan and Celebi. “Look at this,” she called to Roan. “This figure, described as Roan, guardian of time and holder of Celebi, appears throughout history in all contexts and settings. We believe this character to be a God of ancient mythology, although how or why his image became so widespread baffles the best archaeologists and symbologists. Perhaps this handsome figure truly does travel through time with the legendary Celebi!”
“I don’t know about that God bit, although I agree with that thing about the handsome figure,” laughed Roan. “Or do I mean the other way around?”
May joined in laughing, too. It was a shock to her, seeing him in all of these exhibits. But then, what had she expected? You don’t have the title “Guardian of Time” and go unnoticed in history. She wondered if she was somewhere in the exhibit with him.
“Come on,” said Roan, “We’re forgetting what we’re here to do,”
He was right, of course. They needed to find out what had happened to Ash. They continued over to the cluster of computers to their left.

---

Roan loaded a computer. The database came on screen automatically. The screen read, “Please enter search criteria”, followed by a long list of text boxes to fill and boxes to check or uncheck. He scrolled past many until he reached “Pokémon owned”. There he checked the box for Psychic Pokémon and typed in “Ditto”. He scrolled to the bottom and clicked “Search”. The screen now read, “Your search is being processed. This may take a few minutes.”
“Damn it.” Swore Roan. “Microsoft could make quicker software. Actually, I tell a lie.” He bashed the chronometer against the desk. The computer finished the search, and Roan turned back to the screen.
“Let’s see,” He said. He turned back round to the computer in the swivel chair. His face fell when he saw the screen. “No! This is useless.” He complained. The search had returned hundreds of names. Roan sat frustrated, but May started thinking. Surely it would have to be a strong trainer that Ash trusted his Pokémon to?
“Roan,” She inquired, “Run another search, and this time only include the best trainers. Elite Four, League Qualifiers, you know…”
Roan thought about it for a moment, and then agreed. “Yeah, that could work.” He clicked the “refine your search” button, and included Gym leaders, Elite Four Members, Pokémon league entrants and grand festival qualifiers. When the search finished, it returned only two names.
“Lance Blackthorn,” He said. May recognised the man’s face instantly, she had been with him only hours before, after all.
“No, it can’t be him. He’s dead,” Thought Roan aloud.
“But wouldn’t they have taken him off the list?”
Roan shook his head. “According to the authorities, he’s just missing. His death was an anachronism in the timeline, big enough for the Chronometer to register, but small enough for me to not bother worrying about it.” He turned back to the computer. “Who else have we got?” He muttered to himself. He scrolled down, and another person’s face appeared on screen. A face Roan knew.
“Of course,” He muttered, with a look of understanding. “He’s perfect. Ash would trust him with his life. And to cap it all, he would be Ash’s opponent tomorrow, and he would know that Ash was way out of his league.”
The image on screen was that of Richie.

---

Roan had not wasted a moment. As soon as he had seen Richie’s face on screen, he had let Celebi out of its Pokéball and asked it to space-warp to where Richie was staying. May now found herself exactly where she had started the day, in a forest, with a lake nearby. Roan rushed to the water’s edge, where there was a small tent that May had seen earlier. Could Ash be in there?
Roan dashed inside the tent, and looked around. May followed. There, laid on the floor, bound and gagged, was Ash, relieved to see someone arrive. May felt a sense of relief and thanks.
“Go and tell the police everything we know. Take Celebi.” Roan told May. It was not a request. She nodded, and left.

---

“Officer Jenny! OFFICER JENNY!” Shouted May, confident that that would be the name of the head of police. Sure enough, the familiar looking police officer strode into the investigations room, where May had been taken.
“What is it?” She said, trying to calm May down. “What’s happened?”
May told Jenny everything that had happened that day, excluding Celebi and the illegal entry into the crime scene.
“Well,” Officer Jenny was experiencing one of the shock moments of being in the police. Their teams had been working on this murder for two days, and yet this twelve-year-old girl and her excitable companion Roan claim to have solved the mystery. What she was told seemed extremely unlikely, and yet it all seemed to fit with the evidence. And sure enough, the images of the body stuck up in the investigation room did indeed have bright pink eyes. “Alright,” She said. “I’ll have a look. We’ll take a car.”

---

Minutes later May found herself back outside the tent with several armed police. Upon hearing the scramble, Roan came out of the tent, dragging two people with him.
“Can you believe the nerve?” Said Roan, clearly enjoying getting to the bottom of the mystery. “Richie here just strides back into the tent, acting as though nothing was happening. And when I show him Ash here, he accuses me of kidnapping him.”
The two people Roan was dragging now turned out to be Ash and Richie. How Roan had overpowered a twenty year old adult was anyone’s guess, but nevertheless he had the culprit grabbed by the arm.
“May!” Laughed Ash with delight upon seeing her. “How long has it been?”
“Just a few hours,” Replied May, smiling. “How are you?”
“I think my leg’s broken, but I’m fine.” His voice was deeper now, and he spoke with a bit more maturity than he used to, but he was really still the same person. He limped over to May, and winced in pain.
“You should get to the hospital,” Said May.
Ash sighed. “You’re right. I’ve missed you May.”
May smiled back. “I missed you too.”
They hugged for a moment, and Ash got in the police car.

---

The next day, Roan and May were having breakfast by the waterside. Roan, as it turned out, was an excellent cook, and had made them a sort of sweet tasting soup from berries that he found. They were discussing where they should go next.
“I have a great time for you to visit, five hundred years ago. Might be a bit of an adventure in it, too. What do you think?”
“Can’t we go somewhere quiet? I had enough adventure to last a lifetime yesterday.”
“Alright then, fifteen hundred years in the past. Picture the scene, people are just starting to get to grips with the world and harness the power that they can achieve by training Pokémon. We could stroll along Slateport beach before the tourists were even born, or have a battle with an ancient king. Sound your cup of tea?”
“That would be perfect.”
“Excellent! We’ll set off now. You finished?” He indicated May’s soup. She nodded.
“Then off we go! Celebi, would you mind?”
Celebi, who was also finishing the berry soup, nodded, and began glowing the familiar green.
 
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