1. We have moved to a new forum system. All your posts and data should have transferred over. Welcome, to the new Serebii Forums. Details here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Be sure to join the discussion on our discord at: Discord.gg/serebii
    Dismiss Notice
  3. If you're still waiting for the e-mail, be sure to check your junk/spam e-mail folders
    Dismiss Notice

Destiny's Forge

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Agent Tectonic, Dec 30, 2013.

  1. Agent Tectonic

    Agent Tectonic From Ashes, I Come

    Alright, this is the story I started working on for NaNo, but didn't get quite far. As of now though, this is going to be my focal story while my other one, A Returning Darkness is on revisional hiatus. This one takes place in the same universe as my other one, but don't feel the need to read ARD. Only minor references are made. As always, read and hopefully enjoy, and if you manage, a review is always welcome. Without further adieu, here you go.

    Ratings: Dark themes, mild romance, and blood as this is a war story. Overall, I'd say PG-15.

    Destiny’s Forge​



    Prologue: The Same Sky


    File accessed.

    Summary details:


    Recovered journal from the Forge War. Unknown source. Presumed to be from the one called Athena the Furret. Logged in section “Enemies KIA” under the file “Forge War.”

    First collected journal recovered from the ruins of Sunrise City. Evidence suggests that the journal was written during the Velvet Blitz, two years into the Forge War.

    Audio recording found. Play recording?

    Time 0:00/ 3:47. Playing


    It’s the Year of the Jungle, but many have considered it the Year of the Red Tide. For close to fourteen winters, we’ve been at war with the Non-types, or “humans” in their language. Blood was minimal and was limited to political conflicts and the like. Many, on both sides, argue over who started the modern war, but no one denies that humans made it public.

    Sunrise Capital was the wonder of the ages, being the Pokemon capital of the world. I was too young to know better, but Mother told me that the gleaming spires, self-sustained energy, and waterways that trumped the cities of Venice and Altomare reflected the perfection of Pokemon architecture. Built mainly from Aggron steel, it was labeled as the “Jewel of World” by Pokemon and Nons alike. It was the first of our cities to be visited by the Nons. And it was also the last of them a year later.

    Eclipse City was a troubled port that withstood countless political problems and many overthrows in its government but was the leading trade metropolis of our society. Modeled after London, its marble structures were masterpieces if one could stomach the sight of the slums along with it. The palace, no longer used for the monarchy once in power, was a tourist attraction for history enthusiasts. It was regretful that the city never went back to renovate the poorer sector, but that was a remnant of the old ways.

    And yet, both crumbled to dust in only one night. There was no warning. Relations with Nons, while rough in the fourteen winters prior, had been going moderately well. Still metal wings swept swiftly over the unsuspecting citizens of Sunrise and Eclipse. Labeled as the Day of Molten Horizons, millions of Pokemon burned in the first thirty minutes of the attack. I was only a child then, but I remember the soldiers that dropped from the heavens, and the Hawks that breathed destruction over Sunrise Capital.

    I remember the screams of Pokemon and the whirring of metalcraft above us. Worst of all was the thundering of explosives and weaponry the Nons used. I saw a Machamp, burlier than most I’ve seen since then, take a shard of metal into the chest. He fell, unmoving, while I was being rushed out of the city like millions of the other citizens. I remember Dad not being there. Mom had me between her teeth as she bound over bodies strewn across the cobblestone. They were covered in blood, a sight that oddly did not bother me.

    We passed Oversight Park where I had a beautiful visual of hundreds of Iron Hawks flying over the city. I remember watching in fear as a fireball shot towards us. Whatever it was, a howling shriek emitted from it. I wanted to cover my ears, but I was too afraid. It landed somewhere behind us, and I saw the damage it wrought.

    It had blasted into the Central Tower, the headquarters of the Global Surveillance Grid. Remarkably, it still stood in defiance to the Nons onslaught, albeit briefly. A large crater was near the base of the structure with smoke wafting from the impact. As it faded away into the distance, dust bloomed into existence. I watched in horrified amazement as the glistening steel structure toppled to the ground, screams permeating the air even from that distance. I only recalled later in a nightmare that my throat was rather hoarse.

    I remember crying.

    I don’t remember being afraid after that day. I remember that.

    Parts of the journal were not recovered after here. Evidence suggests that something happened before entries were acquired or someone or something may have REDACTED.

    My mom was dead shortly after. A Non soldier lay unmoving a few feet away. I huddled next to the city wall, holding her head against the circle on my chest. Blood flowed from the wound in her head. Tears streamed freely down my blood-soaked body, and thoughts of vengeance corrupted my mind. I cowered against the wall of the once shining city of Sunrise, waiting for the destruction to end. Looking around, bodies and debris formed a new walkway. I waited for the whirring, buzzing, and screaming to end. When the last Iron Hawk overhead had left, I left as well.

    In the midst of the chaos since then, the gods have not done a damn thing. As much as they tried covering up their scheme, rumors of their personal revolution had spread among the “commoners.” Everyone fears that should they finally step in, it’ll be too late. Extinction is at hand, but as for myself, I shall continue to survive. My name is [Athena]. I’ll either be the savior of my race, or be its martyr.

    Journal ended. Next entry is labeled “Part Two” under this folder.

    3:47/ 3:47

    Direct to next entry?

    Program terminated.


    ~~~~~

    ----Present Day. Year of the Jungle. Coded message from Comm back to Alignment City.

    -----Alignment, Ops has begun investigation into current threat to the United Sunrise Resistance. GRIM Standard is alert and searching. Permission to forfeit standby procedures?

    -----Ops, green light to proceed.
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2014
  2. Avenger Angel

    Avenger Angel Warrior of Heaven

    Interesting introduction. I like how Athena, or Pokémon in general, call the humans "Nons."

    Seems like you introduce quite a bit in the very beginning, but I have a feeling most of these details just paint an overall picture of how the war is playing out. Though I'm kind of interested to see what the motive was for the Nons to attack Sunrise and Eclipse.

    Overall, I think it's a good opening, though it does beg the reader to keep delving into it.
     
  3. Starlight Aurate

    Starlight Aurate Just a fallen star

    Hello! I saw you said that reviews are always welcome, so I thought I'd go ahead and leave you one :) Going right into it:

    Don't put a space after the double dash.

    I find it interesting how you include a city from the Pokémon world and a city from ours. It's not necessarily a bad thing or a good thing, I just find it creative that you synthesized our two world (to an extent). So, I guess it is more of a good thing :p

    Having "city" twice in one sentence sounds rather repetitive. Since you're using metonymy by saying "the city" instead of specifying its inhabitants, you could probably say "the officials" or something along those lines. You can also put a "that" behind "regretful" to make it sound smoother, but that's just my opinion.

    The wording here feels awkward; you could have said "seen" or "beheld" (I understand you may be trying to not use such common words and are trying to use a formal style of writing). Instead of "I had a beautiful visual," you could just as well have written a synonym for "seen" and then put in something about it being beautiful. Using less wording makes it run more smoothly and feel less clunky.

    Sorry, this is just me, but I got confused. You say you (the narrator) remember not remembering being afraid? Sorry, I'm just a little lost ^_^;

    "Martyring" would be the right verb for your speaker. When she says she'll "die martyring it," that means that she would "die killing it." I think you meant for them to die as a martyr, but the way you have it worded now has the narrator saying that they'll either save the race or kill it.


    All in all, not bad! I would quite taken with your scene and description of destruction of the city. I liked the ambiguity of the narrator's species, and though it was short, the prose was nice. You have good grammar, as I didn't really find much to nitpick. So, good job, and best of luck to you in the future! :p
     
  4. Agent Tectonic

    Agent Tectonic From Ashes, I Come

    .... *sigh* Alright, I don't have a good excuse to why I waited four months to reply to this, but if you do happen to see this, thanks for the review! Now... let's hit the marks you mentioned.

    Let's get started!

    I won't lie; I didn't quite understand what you meant by this, but I did go back and change that sentence around a bit to alleviate this problem I don't get.

    Yep! I want to see how successful I can pull off a our world x Pokemon canon themed story. Hopefully, it goes well...

    Fixed the double city use. I don't want to limit it to just "officials" but want to encompass the entirety of the population.


    ...... There's a lot wrong with that part and not entirely about its awkwardness. It was meant to be sarcastic, but in thinking back, this would break her character a bit as she has no sense of humor. Noted to change, though.

    That was the intent, yes. If this needs reworked though, I'll find a better way to explain that. I wanted "I remember that" to be use as emphasis, but I'm not so sure it's hitting that goal.

    She may do that too... XD On a serious note though, it should read better now.

    Excellent news to hear!

    My one qualm with this note is that I do mention "Athena's" name in the beginning, but intentionally referenced it once.

    Thank you for the review though. And as a follow up to anyone else, chapter 1 should be up later today!
     
  5. Agent Tectonic

    Agent Tectonic From Ashes, I Come

    Here's the official chapter that starts the mayhem to follow. Read, enjoy, review/critique/ or comment as you see fit. Thank you for reading!

    Chapter 1: Mendel

    Sirens screeched all around her. Of all of the missions Eras had done, the Furret could not remember when there wasn’t a complication that placed her in a firefight. She hoped this wouldn’t add to that count, but she knew that was a vain hope. “Eon, get that alarm down. I’d really prefer keeping this operation quiet.” A moment passed when the sound of boots echoed beyond the closed, pearl-white door in front of her. Eras pressed her back against the wall; on her left was the door with footsteps rapidly approaching. “Hold that order. Enemies inbound. When I deal with them, disable the alarm. It should give me enough time if they think they dealt with me before more suspicion arises.”

    Three seconds. She counted down the time, grabbing her pistol from its holder. Twenty-three feet. Calculations ran through her head: two sets of heavy footfalls, jingling of a weaponry on a belt, the faint rhythm of huffing. Mentally, she sized up the faint differences between the two, and flipped herself to the other side of the door, noting that the human on the right was the burlier of the two. Taking him down would be easier.

    The footfalls stopped against the door, muttering amongst themselves. Her heart raced with anxiety and anticipation. A smile adorned her face as the door slowly opened inward. She focused a metallic power over over her tail, feeling it harden. One foot in. She waited until they both stepped through.

    Now!

    Twirling her body around, she struck the knee of the burly soldier, watching him bend down and shout in agony. A swift whip of her pistol against his throat silenced him forever. The other soldier was much more responsive and already had aimed her rifle at the Furret, but Eras blasted the lady in the face with an ice beam, stunning her as her rifle dropping to the floor and clinging to her frost-burned face. Lunging into the air, Eras delivered one struck of a thunder punch to the side of the soldier’s head, and both humans were silenced without a shot fired. The grin on her face remained as she clipped her gun back to her belt. “Clear, Eon. Cut the alarm. Heading to the next objective.”

    “I’m on it, Eras, but this is odd. Neither you nor I triggered that alarm,” her hacking expert said over her headset, a mix of curiosity and worry in the Latios’s voice. A moment later, though, the ear-shattering alarms went as silent as stone. “Aaand done. You’re clear. Lucky it was the fire alarm and not a security breach. Stunfisks, am I right?”

    “Eon, stay on mission. Keep jokes until after we’re finished. I need your eye on any future security problems,” Eras argued back. “Oaspus, how’s my route?” She picked up the rifle from the female Non, feeling its weight in her paws before tossing it aside. Too heavy. The other had a small revolver that she checked. Fully loaded, six round chamber. High caliber and kick. She thought, satisfied with her scavenging. Heading through the door, she glanced around the room.

    Up until now, she had gotten through the entrance to here without much incident thanks to the Dusclops. With his job in monitoring the Nons’ movements and Eon focusing more on the hacking, this mission had gone well. The guards around here were rather lax, which was hilarious considering that the project was a “spearhead to the war effort.” At least, that was what the intel Oaspus and Eon stumbled over.

    On the far end of the room was the stairs leading up into the depths of the building. There was a set of elevators next to them as well, but she cared less about using human machinery outside of weapons. Climbing up to the six floor, she took a small breather. She rested an ear on the door for any possible movements, but, upon hearing nothing, the Furret bashed the door open with a few iron tails and raised her handguns, checking her corners before inching her way into the non-public sector of the building.

    There was nothing but white walls and white tiling coupling white desks with matching white seats and white doors that led to other white rooms in this awfully white laboratory. Oaspus had told her before the alarm had gone off earlier to head towards the central part of the floor; however, the siren had given her pause in the event Nons stormed through the room. She did hear something from the left door, something with wheels and motors.

    “Eon, tell me. What’s on the other side of this?” Eras asked through her headset. Whatever it was in the rooms ahead, the rotating motors coming from it were getting louder.

    “Give me a moment, Eras. I’m not showing anything on my readings. . . wait. Something just passed by one of their cameras.” He went quiet for minute. Whatever it was he was checking, she heard a tremor somewhere else on the floor. “I’m not seeing anything. Maybe one of their cleaning units.”

    “I’m confirming the Latios, Eras. There’s nothing. Keep your guard up,” Oaspus chimed with his usual neutral tone.

    Taking the Dusclops advice, she listened while finding a more out-of-the-way route to her objective. There was a vent six feet off the ground to her right. Smiling, she hopped onto the white desks and dashed towards it. Stopping about six feet away, she inhaled deeply before exhaling a frigid beam of ice at the metal guard over it. In the process of freezing over the grate, she heard a concussive explosion from the far side of the room. Swearing, she ducked under the desk, guns raised.

    A machine many feared emerged from the smoke and debris. Approximately ten feet in diameter, eight feet in height and armed with more weapons than one would find possible, the thing was hell on wheels and a slayer of many Pokemon. It’s black, domed frame rested on four massive wheels. The upper half of it was actually the cockpit protecting its cyclical weapons instead of actual humans.

    When it opened, there were at least a dozen known guns that fired from it. Most were lethal, but others were not, in the event the Nons wanted survivors to torture or experiment on. She had seen them before and helped destroy one a month ago, but that took a good score of Pokemon, and half of them either died or were decommissioned because of injuries. Her group had dubbed them Gorgons.

    The Gorgon’s head opened up, and a bright red light emitted from it. Eras could hear the gears inside click as it rotated, scanning the room. She crouched lower and watched as the scanner passed overhead. Nothing happened; at least, not until she heard footfalls from the hallway from which she had come.

    She whispered into her headset, “I need an escape,” her mind fearfully searching for any and all possibilities of survival. “I’ve got Nons and metal all around me. Is there anything you can do, you two?” She hissed, irritated that she felt trapped.

    The Dusclops had answered first, “Nothing on my end, Eras. I can’t get in there quick. Eon?”

    “Let me try and kill the lights. That should at least keep the humans off you. You’re gonna have to hightail it from the Gorgon though. I could alert them to my position if I try hacking it. Give me a few.”

    Eras could hear a fury of key presses from her headset before the entire room went dark. Not wasting any time, she poked her head up to see where the tank was looking. Thinking she was safe within the darkened room, she crawled her way between desks, hoping to stay as far away from the Gorgon as possible.

    Luck, as it seemed, had other plans. She hadn’t seen that the thing had rotated to her direction, and as she tried sneaking under another desk, its bright red scanner fell on her. The next instant, the red haze of the scanner vanished, and she heard a whir of gears turning. Bolting into action, she weaved through desks and cabinets right as bullets surged towards her. The concussive thumps of metal onto tile rang around her as she sprinted towards the destroyed wall.

    Paper flew into the air along with wooden shrapnel and pieces of computers. The breach in the wall was just before her. Adrenaline coursed through her, stamping out the fear that had developed. Jumping over the bits of rubble from the destroyed wall, she passed into a hallway.

    Office doors lined the passageway, each of them closed. Not wanting to risk getting killed by checking if they were locked, she took her chances with the open hall. Ahead, she saw the path branch to the left. Eras heard screams behind her and a whirring of engines before a sudden silence descended over her. Stopping at the corner, she paused and looked to see what exactly had happened. Immediately, she regretted the decision as the Gorgon was just exiting the room she had sprinted from, depositing a limp Houndoom into itself.

    The mech turned to face her again, bullets spraying from its gun. She got back on all fours and dashed out of the Gorgon’s sight. A good several seconds later, there was a rumble behind her along with the explosive sound of a wall being shattered to pieces. Making her life worse, a concussive wind buffeted Eras to the ground, knocking every last bit of air from her. Shakily getting back up, she cupped her ears with her paws, coming away with blood soaking them. A few feet ahead of her lay her headset that had been knocked off her from the blast while a sickening ring in her ears refused to leave any time soon. Unable to sit any longer, she took a few dizzying steps forward before, grabbing her gear before breaking off into a run. Her head felt like it was banging against an Aggron with each bound she took, making her already hazy vision worse.

    “Eon. . . . I need you to hack that thing. There’s no way I can. . . reach the end of this hallway without you stopping it,” she huffed into her mic, unable to even hear her own words. She didn’t want to look back and see death following her. In fact, even if Eon could stop it, she feared it would be too late. With little warning, a fury of bullets rained over her. Zigzagging as much as she could, Eras tried dodging the metal storm, but despite her best efforts, she felt a sickening pain erupt from her tail.

    “Eon! Get this damn thing deactivated,” she screamed, trying to fight back the pain as best as she could. She managed to turn into an open office, giving her some time to catch her breath and banish the swimming nausea in her head. It was also during this time that the Latios finally got answered.

    “I’m trying,” Eon’s muffled reply just barely heard. “Whoever is manning the system is giving me hell. I’m also trying to fight him off from them discovering my location.” Whatever he was doing, the Latios was obviously irritated, but she didn’t have time to put up with more problems.

    “Forget your secrecy. If we don’t get the intel from this, we may all be dead tomorrow.” The floor jostled slightly, signaling Eras to get back to escaping.

    She only got a resigned “yes ma’am” in return. Jumping onto the counter on the opposite end of the room, she flicked her tail over the door handle that led back into another hallway. Behind her, the Gorgon busted both walls down, peppering the air around her with bullets again. The Furret heard Eon sputtering nonsense, which only caused her fear to grow. Seeing another room was open, she bounded towards it with newfound energy coursing through her. Endless white walls blurred by as she quickly closed the distance between her and her hopeful salvation.

    Behind her, she heard gears rotating. Risking a quick glance behind her, Eras saw that something else was now protruding from the tank. Jutting out about four feet was a large, single-holed weapon. Normally, she wouldn’t have thought much of it; however, this one was shaped very differently. It had two long metal rods on either side of the barrel.

    Deep within the heart of that cannon, a blinding light gathered. The gap in the wall was just a few seconds away. The very air felt charged with electricity as a unsettling calm hung around the floor. She peaked back to see how long she had. A large beam of pink and white light blasted from the cannon to the ground, moving along the corridor she had just been running through. A buzzing sound followed with it, drawing closer to her. With a desperate jump, she passed through the door and rolled to her right, feeling the heat of whatever weaponry that was singe her body.

    Her stomach twisted into a knot at the sheer power of it. Tiles burst blackened instantly and acrid smoke filled her nostrils from everything else around her that burned from the destructive beam of light. The Furret heard electricity sparking from the hallway as well as water pouring from the ceiling. Edging back around the wall, Eras shielded her eyes from the heat and light. The gears slowed to a standstill and everything went quiet. Glancing around the destroyed wall, she gazed at the lifeless Gorgon.

    However, this respite brought another onset of gut-wrenching pain from her tail. In the fiery light, Eras held it in front of her. The fur was patchy and coated in a dark red stain. She could handle blood, yet her vision was swimming at the sight. Shaking her head to dispel the dizziness, she fumbled with her headset to make sure it was still working.

    “Thanks, Eon, for finally getting the thing disabled. I owe you for that,” she said with a sigh, her heart still racing.

    There was a delayed response on the other end. She could hear Eon muttering something, so she knew he heard her. What she didn’t know was what the problem was. A moment later, the Dusclops was the one who spoke up. “That wasn’t Eon. What happened?”

    Her eyes widened as she looked over at the motionless machine. The dizziness returned, forcing her to brace herself against the wall as she tried fighting it off.

    “Oaspus? Get down here and take whatever tech this may have on it. This is something no one knows about, so we need to get this back to base. And hurry. Before the Nons get here. I’ll go on ahead and get this mission wrapped up. Eon, get the lights back on. I’ll explain everything later.”

    “Understood, Eras. On my way now,” the Dusclops answered.

    “Yes, ma’am. Once you’re at the end of the hall, it’ll be the second door on the right.”

    By now, the sprinklers had put out the fires while also soaking her to the bone. She yanked off her headgear and threw it into her bag, fearing the water would damage it soon. Walking calmly to her destination, she thanked whatever luck that guided her for the break of action. This mission really had gone south from a simple snatch-and-run.

    When she got to the lab, she was tired, wet, nauseous, and wanted to be out soon. Her wound was still flowing freely as she had no way to patch it. Looking back the way she had come, there were splotches of red from where she had walked. However, she at least took comfort knowing that her prize was the only thing in the room. It was in a small box marked Project M. Placing it in her bag, she turned and went back out.

    “Objective obtained. Vale, make sure you’re on time.”

    A feminine voice responded back, “Already here, sweetie. This lady is always on time.”

    Rolling her eyes at Vale’s remarks, she searched for her escape route. If Eras remembered the design correctly, there was a chute close by that would take her back down to the first floor where the laundry apparently went. It ran the entire course of the complex, but it all deposited into one location. When she found it, she still hadn’t run into a single Non after that Gorgon shut down. Something was off.

    Curious, she brought out the box labeled as “Project M.” Cutting the tape that was sealing it, she swore.

    “Damn it, it’s empty! To the Abyss with these games,” she hissed, balling her paws into fists and slamming one into the box.

    She realized she didn’t know where to look now. The information said it would be on this floor in a box; here it was, but not there. Tossing the useless box away, she simply went down the chute and headed to where Vale was waiting for her.

    The ground level wasn’t what the last floor was like; the walls were actually painted a rather nice shade of sea blue with pictures hanging off of them. Running towards the garage that she had entered from, she found the Blaziken parked near the exit, resting over a black car and pretending to snore rather loudly.

    “Wake up, Vale. I’m here. Mission is a failure; they knew we were coming. Now get us out of here before they send squads and Iron Hawks after us.” If she could spew fire, Eras would have as she jumped into the car. She hated missing intel or breach in securities. The mission was apparently assigned a week ago, yet she never heard about it until two days ago from the Bisharp boss that she never met. After this, though, she felt pretty strongly that the USR leader was completely incompetent. Apparently, the Nons must have found out about it.

    It seemed like the talk of traitors may actually be true as only a select few knew about this strike. It was a point she would bring up once she got back.

    “I see you found your sniper. Now, let’s get out of here, my dear,” the Blaziken said, seeing Eras reach for a large case underneath the seat. “Hope you don’t mind rough rides. They’ve been restless even before the alarms went off.”

    Not finding the desire to reprimand Vale for the comment, Eras just grunted and began piecing together her sniper. She loved the thing as it had been with her since she stole it from her first mission. The model was experimental in that it could fire Type-rounds from it. She ran a paw over the body, feeling its comforting weight over her fur. Out of the corner her eye, she saw Vale shake her head in amusement as they drove out of the garage.

    Outside, Eras was greeted with a blinding view of mid-afternoon Goldenrod City, gleaming with vibrant billboards and neon signs. Above, a host of Iron Hawk planes patrolled the skies. Every Pokemon she spoke with seemed to hold this “beloved” city in high esteem; she simply wanted it burned to the ground.

    “Alright. Vale, get us out of this Infestation. Oaspus, how’s that Gorgon looking?”

    “Gone. I managed to take nearly everything and burn the scraps once the water kicked off. On my way to the base with a Houndoom over my shoulder. I take it you’ve got to Vale just fine.” His stately flatly. It was always a welcoming reminder to the Furret that someone in the team kept a level head on every mission.

    Yet the thought passed quickly as she sighed and nearly punched the seat in front of her in frustration. “Mission is aborted. Package was a fake. You’re free to leave, Oaspus, and get the parts to HQ.” Eras said, sighing. “Eon, you’re on standby. I might need you yet.” She had this gut feeling that this wasn’t over yet.

    The Furret got an “understood” from them just as she finished getting her rifle assembled.

    Tapping Vale’s shoulder, Eras laid out what she thought was the best way out. “We need to get up north without alerting attention. Problem is, we’ll need to use the highway at some point. Odds are, we’ll get spotted before we reach that objective, so stick to the side streets until absolutely necessary. You know the layout of the city, right?”

    The Blaziken laughed at that, “Oh course. I’m Vale, am I not? I always know the right routes. Now, strap yourself in. I’ll make sure we get out of here smoothly.”

    Eras rolled her eyes and laid her rifle on the seat. “The way this day has been going, don’t make those comments.”

    Glancing back the way they had came, the research center disappeared from sight, hidden behind the houses that surrounded it. A pain in her tail reminded her of the damages she received. Eras examined it again, grimacing at the sight of it. The blood had stopped pouring out of it, but it stained her entire tail a dark, crimson red. It made her woozy just looking at it. Once they were Non-free, she made a note to wash it and see just how bad that bullet hit her.

    “That looks bad. You sure you’re fine?” Vale called back, her head feathers drooping with concern.

    It was a lot of blood, but she had went through worse in the past. “I’m fine. Just keep your focus on the road.”

    “If you say so.” The Blaziken remained silent for some time after that. For once, she wasn’t making wisecracks.

    They had managed to stay undetected as they passed through the least busy parts of the city. A few times, they parked in a small alley and ducked down to avoid a few roadside and air patrols. They were drawing steadily closer to the highway out of Goldenrod, but it felt slow enough to irritate.

    Two hours later, on a side road in some backwater part of the city, Vale decided to mention more troubling news. “Hey, we’re on half a tank now. I know you want to avoid it like the plague, but we need to get on the main road out of here.”

    Sighing, Eras nodded, not questioning the logic as she knew Vale was right. Placing a paw over her rifle, she drew it closer to her body. Most of the sirens and alerts had died down by that point and patrols were getting sparse. As they pulled onto the roadway, she looked over her ammunition. Vale had packed two of each elemental shot the gun was specialized for: Lightning, Arctic, and Inferno. There was also three clips of five armor-piercing rounds if needed as well. Not a lot of shots for her semi-automatic. No pock-shots today.

    Jamming the first of the armor-piercing rounds into her gun, she remained vigilant for anything that may come after them. Off to her right, she could see two Iron Hawks patrolling the skyscraper region of the city while a large squad of Gorgons were on the lower roads a few streets away. She wanted to scrap them both, but she kept her hatred in check.

    Ever since her parents were killed during the Sunrise Massacre, she swore to repay in kind to the ones responsible. Ever since she finished training, her hatred and dedication had kept her from tapping out. She had no love for those who could so freely exterminate Pokemon without a second thought. Even when she was fully aware that not all humans shared this trait, it burned her greatly that these “kind” hearted ones didn’t lift a tail in defiance.

    And the sad truth was that humans were winning this conflict. Every day was a losing battle, and no matter how quickly Pokemon tried to match the humans in terms of weaponry by stealing or making them, they just had more resources, more time, and more everything. Time was running out and even the Legends had turned their backs on their subjects, rumored to simply bicker among themselves over some petty issue Eras cared less about.

    She saw a black car with tinted windows position itself behind them, reeling her thoughts back and focusing on the still-hostile situation. She had a gut feeling it was trouble, so she pretended to admire the building around her and whispered to the Blaziken, “Vale, I think we’re being followed.” Reaching into her bag, she brought her headset out and put it on again, happy to know it still worked.

    Vale nodded at the Furret’s observation. “Yeah, I noticed them as we got on the highway earlier. I didn’t want to say anything, though, since nothing else has gone on. Keep that rifle ready.”

    Yeah, no shit, Eras thought, rolling her eyes. Vale sped up; Eras, meanwhile, kept an eye on their pursuer. Sure enough, it sped up as well. Except now, three Nons were leaning out of various windows, openly firing at herself and Vale.

    “Shots fired; Eon, get yourself to the extraction point now. Situation is now Deoxys tier. Repeat, Deoxys tier!” Eras shouted into her headset just as she firmly grabbed her gun. Without a word, the car lurched forward as Vale began a controlled swerve to avoid the shots. Eras laid her sniper against the back side of the car, taking aim. She couldn’t see the driver because of the windows. Instead, she focused on the human behind the driver first.

    Firing, she watched the impact of her shot tear through his skull, a spray of red painting the side of the black vehicle. The other shooter retreated into the car just as she fired at him, swearing as she missed his head by a mere hair’s breath. With the immediate threat gone, Eras aimed for the tires. Firing at the the driver side’s tire first, the vehicle immediately swerved to her left, revealing the back tire, where she fired her fourth shot.

    The effect was immediate, and she took pride in watching the car lose control from the sudden change in its tires and smiled as it swerved and collided into the highway wall with an explosion of glass and car parts.

    “Got’em. Now, let’s get out of this city before mo--” Two more of the same black vehicles emerged from an entrance ramp. To make matters worse, a military plane descended out of nowhere. She hadn’t seen one this close in her life, and quite frankly, she had hoped she never would. The Hawk was exactly as it was coined as it shaped very similarly. But, where feathers were supposed to be, powerful, heavy-duty machine guns and rocket launchers were placed. The cockpit was narrow and pointed, and she could actually see the pilot staring emotionlessly at her.

    “Shit. Floor it, Vale!” she shouted, knowing full well that the Blaziken was already doing so. Cars flew by in a blur. Eras struggled to keep her rifle mounted as Vale maneuvered in and out traffic, even recklessly swerving into oncoming traffic at times. The Iron Hawk hadn’t fired yet, maybe because the pilot didn’t want to cause collateral damage. However, that didn’t stop her from firing back at the thing. She got only a shot off before the pilot veered off from her second shot. The first cracked against the glass, but didn’t penetrate.

    She ripped the mag out and placed another in when Vale shouted back to her, “Uh, Eras, we’ve got a problem. Roadblock.”

    Reluctantly tearing her eyes away from the pursuers, she glanced back to see a ten-car blockade. Holstering her rifle in her paws now, she shot at the two cards behind them, again, aiming for the tires. “Vale, there’s an exit ramp just before the line of cars. Take it and get us in the side streets. Keep the highway to your left at all times. Got it?”

    “On it, fearless leader!”

    They were running out of time, and Eras wasn’t about to argue with Vale over her theatrics. The Furret fired at the car in front, hitting its left tire; the car actually swerved slightly and braked, unlike the last one. The other stopped as well, for reasons Eras didn’t care to think on.

    A sharp inhalation of air in front of her readied Eras for what should have been a blast of fire from her Blaziken driver, but all that ended up being was a cough as the car swerved violently to the right. Eras nearly barked at the Blaziken, but a flurry of bullets from both the Hawk and the blockade in front of them was her immediate answer. The highway disappeared from view as they took the ramp off. She breathed an Ice Beam over the ramp, creating a thick line of ice in the event their pursuers tried following them.

    Vale drove a few minutes more before parking in some small alley. Judging by the density of the buildings, they were getting near the edge of the city. Hopping out of their car, she surveyed the damage. Their ride was nearly covered in bullet holes, some dangerously close to vital parts of it. The tires were nearly spent and one was even punctured. Weighing their chances in and out of the vehicle, Eras felt safer walking the rest of the way.

    “We should get moving,” she said, observing that no one had apparently followed them. “We may have only bought ourselves a few minutes.”

    She looked at Vale, seeing that she hadn’t gotten out of the car yet. An odd shudder passed through her as a growing dread clenched her breath. Walking over to her, Eras saw why. Vale had about three gun wounds on her chest and another on her shoulder, each pouring her life down her body. In some miraculous way, she was still breathing. Her face was contorted in pain as she labored to even breathe.

    “I tried…” A blood-soaked hand reached out for her, and Eras firmly grasped it, tears building in her eyes. “Promise me you’ll not be so serious forever. Learn to find some joy out of life before your time comes. Promise me that...” Her voice was barely a whisper, and she nearly missed hearing it. All she could do was stand there and nod, unsure if she could truly fulfill that wish.

    Eras felt the hand she held heat up, and she did the same. Tears streamed down her battered body as they held this for a few seconds with her watching the fire wither from Vale’s eyes. When Vale’s fire died away, Eras only strengthened hers, rage and grief swirling in a maelstrom in her mind. Memories of their time from officer training to now boiled over her as her Fire Punch only intensified each passing second.

    She never could tolerate all of the jokes Vale spouted, but in retrospect, it kept everyone’s spirits up. Reluctantly, over the Blaziken’s dead body, she realized that it kept hers up too. She would do her best to honor her fallen friend. Eventually, Vale’s feathers ignited in flames, slowly creeping over the rest of her body. Before backing away, she plucked six feathers from Vale’s head, holding them close to her body. She watched as the car slowly took flame and burned away; in time, sirens rang from the distance.

    Walking away, she radioed the Latios. “Need extraction, Eon. Meet me by the lake outside the city in forty minutes. Clear?”

    “Yeah, but by the Library of Truth, what’s been going on? News feeds are saying something about a high speed chase. Was that you?”

    “It was us. We escaped, but…Vale’s gone, Eon.” Her training dictated she repress her grief until later, but loyalty opened the door again and let it in. She hunkered down against the side of a building and let her tears fall unburdened.

    The Latios went quiet for what seemed the longest time. Emptiness and silenced closed around her. She rammed a fist into the building, chipping away pieces and leaving a sizeable dent. The pain woke her from her grief, though, and with this new wind, she got up and walked.

    The rest of her journey out of Goldenrod was blissfully quiet. She was tired, among other things. When she left the infernal city, she was greeted with a serene scene of an open pathway with a light forest around it. To her left was the lake she had mentioned to Eon, and up ahead was the Ghostly Forest, named for the habitual hauntings from Ecruteak’s ghost population.

    She submerged her body in and washed the blood off her paws. Once, she had to duck underwater to avoid a passing Iron Hawk squad, but otherwise, no one contested her presence. It was strange; she remembered that during the early days of the war, there would still be Pokemon out here playing without concern for anything. Back then, she always reprimanded them for their happy-go-lucky attitudes, but now, she missed them. The world had grown still in the wake of this rebellion.

    As much as she was a fighter, she wanted this to end. It wasn’t a war; it was just a slaughter. Pokemon hadn’t had anything to hold onto for a win. Even when they did, it came with the tainted scent of overwhelming loss. She was losing sight of who she hated more: the Nons or the lack of progress Pokemon were making.

    She didn’t get to ponder that long though; a shadow of a jet passed overhead. This time, she saw the blue and silver underside of the fourth member of her team. Eras watched the dragon circle and descend towards her before resting on the ground.

    She was about to say something when she noticed why it took him a while to get to her. He had bruises all over his body and a gash across the triangle on his abdomen. Her eyes widened even further when she saw a bullet wound on the tip of his right wing.

    Seeing this, he gave her a weak smile. “Don’t worry about that. It won’t kill me. As for the rest of me, I told you they would find me. If it wasn’t for Oaspus, I’d be dead or worse: imprisoned and being tortured. Now, let’s go home.”

    Her blood boiled at that word: home. She climbed onto the Latios’s back, and they left without another word said.

    “Home,” she muttered against the wind that whipped around her. One day, she promised she’d watch the city burn.

    ~~~~~

    Tie tucked in. Wrinkles smoothed out. Material… sensitive. Alexander Johnson twisted the handle and walked through the doors where a meeting was called to review just what happened with Incident A017 happened. He surveyed the room before him. He hadn’t been in this office for over eight months. There were two paintings on the far wall that he vaguely remembered but didn’t pay too much attention to fully remember them.

    Taking a seat at the head of the ovular table, he looked over the six members of GRIM Standard’s board of directors, he positioned himself at the head of the table and sat down. The female closest to him, Valerie, smiled with confidence at him when his gaze fell over her.

    “Who here has an explanation on why a Furret managed to infiltrate our headquarters in Goldenrod and snatch one of our projects from us?” His gaze rested on the CEO of that branch.

    The gentleman spoke up without flinching under the stare. “We had an earlier break-in from a previous team of Pokemon on the upper floor. There were neutralized by the prototype, but this team was far more competent than the previous one. From the details I’ve gotten on the hour, this is the same team we can’t seem to pin down. The only good news is that we did eliminate the Blaziken. This would mark the third death linked to this team with this team. As of now, we have confirmation that the other three members are a Dusclops, a Latios, and obviously her.” He visibly grimaced in hatred at the mention of this Furret.

    “Yes… If I recall correctly, their names have been leaked as Shade, Comm, and Athena, right?” Alexander asked. He remembered this team’s involvement in many recent failings on their end. “It’s pleasing to hear that another member of theirs is dead. This insurrection is becoming a nuisance, and the media has been overzealous in covering it. They keep painting this terrorist organization as ‘freedom fighters’ for the Pokemon species. They clearly forget about the Fortree Massacre or the Westbank Meltdown in Olivine. Wipe out a key member of that group, and we’re the bad guys. They slaughter innocents, but no one bats an eyelash. It’s sickening.”

    He sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his fingers. This entire last few years had been a wreck. Ever since Silph, Devon Corp, and GRIM merged into just GRIM Standard, nothing had seemed to go smoothly. It was getting to be quite taxing. Looking over at Silph’s president and Mr. Stone, he saw the same irritation behind their stern visage. Taking a deep breath and finding the stack of notes on the next subject, Al continued, “Do we have official confirmation they took Mendel?”

    A voice spoke up. It was from no one present, but between the two gentleman in the back was a voice box. And from that box, the voice interjected. “Athena did manage to obtain it. I’ve already gone ahead and approved the revision of Mendel. By the time this “USR” terrorist organization waste their resources on understanding what they captured, we’ll be in production of the next generation of the Gorgon and Mendel project. I’ve personally watched Experiment Darwin gain significant progress. In time, Subject Alpha will be ready for the Medusa class weaponry.”

    Everyone in the room nodded; a grin spread over Al’s face at the idea. “Indeed, Bismark. A shame you can’t join us today, or any day for that matter.”

    There was a pause from the speaker before the named Bismark answered, “And each time, my same remark is that I can’t travel at risk of being noticed.”

    “We all understand, Bismark. No need to explain every time. You’re contributions in stopping this rebellion have proven invaluable.” Despite saying that, Alex knew a small truth behind it; this Bismark didn’t want them to know who he was yet. And in that reason, he could not be trusted, no matter how much he contributed.

    “Thank you. I wish you all the best of luck… in however that may be.” There was a hint of arrogance in that reply, something Alexander found displeasing. When the box went to static, everyone in the room began muttering about this consultant they hired.

    Only slightly listening in, Alexander looked the notes about the two projects Bismark had mentioned. Each detail was immaculately described to the point anyone could easily understand. It was almost too well-worded. “In looking over these, I agree with our benefactor. Spend your time familiarizing yourselves with these projects. Protect this information, now more than ever, and by whatever means. Do not let these terrorists find them.”

    There was a nod of heads as everyone got up to leave. Collecting his papers and getting up after everyone already left, the box spoke again. “A moment, President Johnson.”

    He froze, curious as to how this Bismark knew he was here. “What?” He muttered, composing himself shortly after the shock wore off.

    Bismark hesitated before replying, “What’s the situation with Er-- Athena?”

    A wide smile broke over Al’s face; he heard the stutter, and the dots were finally coming to the surface. He thought about whether he should call him out or play along; in the end he simply replied, “Once she’s found and cornered; she will be executed like any terrorists and, if we’re lucky, we’ll interrogate her first if captured alive.”

    He almost wished he could see the reaction as there was a long pause before Bismark answered. “Good. She’s been a thorn for too long. But I would suggest another method. I’ll leave it for you to consider, but Athena has proven to be quite… accomplished in her career. Were we to convert her to our realm of thinking, she would prove invaluable to this company.”

    “Why bother? She is too against us to even bother considering. But, amuse me. How would you approach this scenario were I to agree to this?”

    Again, the voice hesitated, but a moment later, a confident reply came back. One that Alexander found quite entertaining to consider. “Because I shall be the one to personally cause this conversion. You capture her alive, and you’ll finally see just who I am.”

    The audio box went quiet again. Smiling, he exited, finding Valerie just outside of the door. “Well, Mr. President, you seem in a good mood. Something come up?”

    “Indeed. I have a job for you. I need you to find as much information we know about Athena and her troop. Once you get that, find any connections between Bismark, her, and any name that starts with ‘air’ in any of its spellings. Our mystery man may have slipped finally.”

    The middle aged woman smiled, adjusting her glasses as she did so. “I’ll get that report to you by lunch tomorrow. The usual place?”

    Al nodded; Valerie returned the gesture and walked off towards her office. Looking at his Pokegear, he saw that dinner was just now being served at home. Heading to the parking garage, he wondered just what would be on the table when he got home to his wife and kid.
     
    Last edited: May 7, 2015
  6. GingerDixie

    GingerDixie Hopes and Dreams

    Okay, I promised I'd write a review on this, so let's see if I can help you any.

    First of all, I'm going to reiterate what I've already said to you in private about the prologue. While the flaws were already covered by someone else, I'm going to admit that it definitely did it's job in getting me hooked on the concept of this story. As I myself am writing a story where Pokemon are of equal intelligence to humans, this is a very interesting topic to me and your setup is incredibly engaging, not to mention the log at the beginning already makes me feel for Eras, even though at that point we haven't properly met with her yet. So, good job with that.

    Now for the first chapter.

    The first chapter kept my expectations up, as it was well-described without being too cumbersome, and you've got some really good dialogue going on there with the characters. I'm curious as to why there's a Latios just chilling with a bunch of non-special Pokemon though. Doesn't seem likely for a legendary Pokemon like him to be put in high risk situations like this, skilled l33t haxx0r or not. But that's just me, and I'm sure Eon's presence will be explained later. I also want to comment on and say how well you handled Vale's death. Congrats on getting me misty-eyed, and I only knew the gal for about ten paragraphs! That's something incredible there, man. Especially nice work with that, if I do say so myself. The introduction of Alexander at the end was also a nice touch, because it's always nice to be reminded that the "bad guys" aren't complete monsters (Well, they're still monsters, but monsters with wives and kids). This is especially powerful given as it's placed right after multiple major characters (and probably countless of unnamed others) have been injured or killed by them in cold blood, and really reveals the gray on gray morality this story seems to be going for.

    I didn't really detect any major spelling/grammar errors or plot holes, so you're good on that. Just an explanation on the random Latios. XD All in all, nice chapter, can't wait to see more!
     
  7. Starlight Aurate

    Starlight Aurate Just a fallen star

    Just as you had no excuse as to not responding to my review for months, I have no excuse for not reviewing this chapter for so long XD

    ONTO THE NITPICKY REVIEW!


    The comma should either be a semi colon or a period.

    The Now! should be a new paragraph, since it's treated the same as a new person speaking.

    Woot woot for pistol-whipping!

    You should be more specific with the "she" and "her," since both of the characters in this sentence are female and it's easy to confuse them on the first read-through.

    Who argued back ? ;)

    Technically they should be paws, since she's a Furret, but that's just a major nitpick of mine ;P

    Should be a period or a comma.

    So much white :eek:

    I'm a little confused; is the tremor related to him checking? I wouldn't have thought so, since I imagine him looking into some sort of camera-computer thing (but this is Latios, so he could just as well be using psychic power; if this is the case, please excuse me). If it is that way, it just seems like two unrelated ideas strung together into the same sentence.

    Should be "Dusclops's" since it's possessive.

    The image of a cute little fuzzy Furret swearing and holding guns is so funny in my mind XD

    You either need a comma after "do," or it should be "Is there anything you two can do?"

    Irritated? One would think that this Furret would be more scared when facing a Gorgon, considering what you just said in the previous paragraph.

    So, not only is this Furret a swearing, gun-holding, pistol-whipping, guard-tackling, base-infiltrating beast, but she is so badass that she's not afraid of something with like 754893 weapons sticking out of it.

    Eras is a BAMF. I love it.

    Make sure you have a space before "Unable."

    Another nitpick; if she was beat to the ground and is able to feel blood coming out of her ears, shouldn't her headset have been either knocked off or soaked in blood? It next says that she's still speaking into her microphone, so I assume it wasn't knocked off; if that's the case, either blood is dripping from her ears and coming out from the headset or the areas outside her ears were busted open.

    I believe you meant "a fury of bullets."

    I don't think tile catches fire. . . . If there's something flammable on the ground, or if the beam hit the walls, then maybe those would catch fire, but I think that tile would just leave a black mark.

    You forgot the period at the end.

    "Close by" are two separate words; there should be no dash between them.

    You need the "she" between "yet" and "never."
    Also, I'm impressed with how much you managed to put into one sentence. This shows that missions were announced on short notice and that this team (or organization etc.) is spread out and secretive enough that Eras hasn't even met her own boss. It gives a nice, aloof feel to the piece that, whether or not you were going for, fits well.

    Need a comma after "dear."

    I like this sentence for some reason. I think it nicely shows Eras's cynicism.

    Should have a comma after "Vale."

    Also need a comma after "Oaspus."

    This time, you should have a hyphen between "Non" and "free."

    The comma after "patrols" should be a period.

    You should specify who "she" is; since Vale was the last one mentioned, the audience would expect "she" to refer to her, though it's supposed to be Eras nodding.

    Should have a hyphen between "still" and "hostile."

    I love Eras's sarcasm :)

    Should be "driver," not "drive."

    Oooh, gory.

    You could just as well use "proud" instead of "prideful;" while it's not necessarily wrong per se (at least I think it's not o_o), it is less wordy.

    Also, this whole paragraph seems a little too dramatic to be realistic. I don't know if the car would flip over after having two tires blow out, or that it would cause an explosion when it hit the ground. Although it gives the feel of an action-packed chase scene, it fits well with the tone of the story; I just have a hard time buying it XD

    Eras should really keep her mouth shut lol.

    The first comma should be a colon, and the "with" between "pilot" and "staring" should be removed.

    You can either remove the first "front," or "in front," since it's repetitive. Additionally, the comma after "tire" needs to be either a semi-colon or a period and start a new sentence.

    You should specify who "they" are, since you just mentioned Eras and Vale but are now referring to their pursuers.

    You should have a comma after "punctured." Also, the "it seemed" isn't really necessary; if a car tire is punctured, they would both see and feel it while they were driving.

    It should be a comma after "moving."

    Should be "tolerate."

    You need a second quotation mark after the question mark.

    Putting in a "for what seemed" might be right here; Eras knows that it's not actually the longest time, but in her grief, probably feels like it's forever.

    Got to get rid of the second periods. Also, you need a comma after "Valerie."

    Comma should be a period.

    Should be "failings."

    The quotes around "freedom fighers" should be single quotes; since someone is quoting something while speaking, you would have single quotes inside the double quotes.

    Again, the double quotes should be single. Also, "waste" should be "wastes."

    A nice foil as to how Eras doesn't even know her boss ;)

    Should have a hyphen between "well" and "worded."

    I think you meant "One that Alexander found quite entertaining to consider."

    No need for the first comma.


    Well, overall, this fic has a fun theme and was rather enjoyable to read. Grammar is definitely the biggest issue; there are a lot of little things that you need to watch out for and make sure you fix before posting. Something that I find helpful is, when I'm done with a chapter, I let my fic sit for a day or so and then read over it again to see what needs to be fixed. I also found it a little bland on the emotional side; Eras may not be hyper-sensitive and trained to be stoic, but when Vale died, I thought it could use more emotion.

    Also, I like how you show a piece from Alexander's POV; it lets us know that the humans have feelings and such too, and aren't just mooks that can be killed with no repurcussions. I like the action-theme, and once again, Eras is amazing, which I enjoy. Just make sure you work on your grammar, and try not to make the piece so wordy. Overall, not too bad :)
     
  8. Azurus

    Azurus The Ancient Absol

    Huh, I've read this and I didn't comment, must've been on the google docs.

    I couldn't help but think of that robot as something other than being pulled out of mechwarrior or robocop for some reason.

    Anyway, I rather enjoyed their bumpy escape and the council meeting at the end there.
    Have to wonder what will be on the table when Al gets back...

    Looking forward to another one, though you should remind me to comment/read when you post again.
    Also, still waiting on SWTri
     
  9. Agent Tectonic

    Agent Tectonic From Ashes, I Come

    Alright... Over a year later, and I finally get around to replying to this. BUT! I can also say that just about everything you nit-picked has been corrected (I hope).

    As for the low quality of grammar, there's little excuse for that, but I will exercise better revision to correct all of those silly mistakes in this chapter.

    For the emotional part of Vale's death, that is something I do need to work on better in general is getting emotion correct, but I hope that Eras's development will better show how it affects her. And while she is a BAMF, you'll quickly see just how much she isn't when not at war. ;) Hopefully... I can get my finished but not revised chapter out soon... :|
     
    Last edited: May 7, 2015

Share This Page