Fluency

[diamondpearl876]

I sent a piece of original work to a magazine for possible publication and they returned the story saying that the writing felt "laborious" and lacking in fluency. I have gotten comments like this for quite some time with Survival Project, too. My wording is awkward or the paragraphs just don't flow right. I've read that fluency is one of the first thing a writer can figure out, but it seems to escape me time and time again. Part of the problem may be that when I read my work it makes perfect sense to me and I don't see anything wrong with it. It seems I've put just enough work into the sentence to make it sound right, but readers think it's too much. Does anyone have any tips on writing fluency and how to make things flow without making it look like you're trying too hard? If anyone who isn't familiar with my writing would like to read the story I mentioned, I can PM it. It's a short piece of flash fiction.

 

[Psychic]

One of the best ways to see how your story really sounds is to read it out loud. When you actually hear the strings of words spoken it's a lot easier to gauge how they sound to other people, and find out what works and what doesn't.

If your writing is perceived as "laborious," you can try altering sentence length, structure, and wording. It can be as simple as shortening and/or simplifying sentences, or using less complex vocabulary, or using as few words as possible. One of my favourite creative writing teachers would tell us of his favourite author's motto: "cut, cut, cut!" Always look for bits and pieces your writing can do without, cut out as many unnecessary words as you can, and find single words to sum up entire phrases. There are writers who'll say "the top of the mountain" when they could say "the mountaintop" or "she fumed angrily" instead of "she seethed," simply forgetting that there might just be a word for that. Be concise in as few words as possible.

That said, "cut, cut, cut" doesn't need to be your official writing mantra; it's just a handy little saying to keep in your back pocket. I can't say if this advice will solve all your problems, in part because I'm not quite sure what the heart of it is (way to be vague, magazine). It might be worth asking the editor or whoever it was if they could be a bit more specific about what they didn't like and specify exactly what they're looking for. Keep in mind that a magazine is likely more interested in short stories their readers can absorb and enjoy within a couple minutes. Without knowing more, all I can really say is good luck!

~Psychic

 

[Praxiteles]

Haven't read Survival Project yet, and I feel I should be more familiar with your writing before saying anything (hopefully your long-time readers will drop a post). But I read random passages from the fic, let spoilers do what they want. I'm pretty sure your sentences aren't overcomplicated, or overwrought; some of them show some decent Raymond Carver compression. My very first impression is that you actually keep your sentences light. (Compression may make the reader have to work a little, sometimes.) When you describe a complex thought, you break it up into many simpler sentences. I think in all the sentences I read, there's rarely more than one comma -- and that's because only one is needed, though sometimes you let a sentence clause run on very slightly instead of using a comma -- it's definitely not a problem.

So maybe, the way lots of very short sentences give a jerky, staccato feel, a constant supply of moderately short sentences has its own kind of slight jerkiness to it -- maybe that's what the editor picked up on. Personally, I immediately saw it as style. A fine simplicity for a complex story to have. Can I have a look at the flash fiction?

EDIT POST HIJACK: After reading Gordon Lish's edits to that Carver classic I realize Carver is, like, all Lish. Goddamn. Goddamn.

 

[Negrek]

Eventually I'll get around to doing a full review of Survival Project, since I've read most of it, but in the meantime yes, I would say that your prose definitely tends towards the labored. I think Dragonfree left you reviews to that effect on the story as well; you might go back and see what she says in them, too.

Your writing definitely gives the impression that you're trying hard to be poetic or deep or figurative or something; if that's the case (i.e. if you're sitting around thinking, "Hmm, how can I put this cleverly?" or, "Wow, this is a really cool metaphor, I'm awesome!), then stop trying. When someone makes an effort to sound sophisticated, it strangles their real voice and turns the resulting prose into dull, stilted sludge. If you're not trying--if the prose you're getting is simply what you get when you sit down to type, without even thinking about it--then it's nothing to worry about, really. Pretty much everyone goes through at least one period where they end up with stuff that sounds pretentious and overblown; I did, multiple times (and could easily do so again/am doing so now!), and it's a very common thing for authors on these boards. As long as you don't get stuck there, you'll be just fine, and simply writing more, above all, will probably sort most of the problem out. You might also try reading some authors who write very lively prose

Other than that, Psychic's advice is absolute gold. There's nothing like reading your work aloud for finding problems with fluency. If you stumble in the middle of a sentence, you should try and find a way to rephrase it. In general, it's best to simplify, but don't feel like you have to always be slimming things down or think you're necessarily going in the right direction just because your word count is shrinking. Do try to look critically at each word in each sentence and think hard about whether it's really pulling its weight.

Reading aloud may also help you identify places where you're getting a little carried away with your prose--it might be a bit easier to assess "Would anybody actually say this?" or "Would anybody actually think like this?" when the words are actually coming out of your mouth. From what I recall you have issues getting flowery in characters' inner monologues and dialogues; there are some people who speak/think real "fancy", but generally speaking you should avoid that kind of thing.