CHAPTER ONE
I could feel my heart hammering in my chest, threatening to beat out of it entirely. My eyes were glued shut, unwilling to open until they absolutely had to. The waves pounded at the boat relentlessly, tossing it from the side to side despite its power as it churned across the surface. If I didn’t know better I’d have thought we were going overboard.
My hands were clenched into fists at my sides, the balled-up fabric of my sweatshirt becoming damp with sweat as I counted the passing seconds until we arrived at our destination. I knew it wouldn’t be long.
My body nearly betrayed me as nausea bubbled up from my core, the sound from the propeller beginning to dull down as we approached the dock. I squeezed my eyes together tighter, the sounds of the tourists seated around me beginning to pick up in anticipation.
Then, all at once, the propeller flicked off. The entire boat went silent as everyone rose out of their seats in unison, my gut flipping upside down. I felt my breathing become ragged as I instinctively turned my head toward the window, hiding my face from passerby’s as they slowly descended toward the stairs. I could hear their footsteps as they walked down the set and onto the dock, the wooden boards creaking beneath them.
It wasn’t until there was a sturdy moment of silence that I finally opened my eyes, coloring flying into my vision at a dizzying rate. Clamping my mouth shut to hold back my queasiness, I stood up slowly, keeping my eyes on the floor as I made my way down the aisle.
With a deep and steadying breath, I took my first step down the stairs, hearing the boat captain give an impatient sigh behind me. Almost as soon as my shoes hit the planks of the dock the propeller was back on, the boat backing away as quickly as it had come. I knew it’d be back- he probably had about ten more trips to make just today. But I wouldn’t get back on. I’d promised myself.
A breeze whipped past me, striking my sweatshirt as I turned toward the beach at the end of the dock. I held up a hand to my forehead, attempting to deflect the harsh rays of the sun. It was a beautiful island- like always- but **** if it wasn’t nauseatingly bright.
Clutching my bag to my side I forced myself to begin my trek toward the beach, although it felt more fittingly like a trip toward the guillotine. I could hear the murmurs of the small crowd that had gathered to greet the new arrivals beginning to chorus beyond the short line of palm trees that blocked off the view of the dock and felt the intense urge to run. I could swim back to the mainland, right?
But as I turned my head to look back I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. The mainland wasn’t even visible from here. Plus, I had made a promise. Why I was so hellbent on keeping it when it may just kill me, I wasn’t sure. But it was too late to go back now. Maybe I could just hide in my cabin for the rest of the conference.
It wasn’t until the very front of the crowd became visible beyond the cove that I heard the announcer above the dull roar of the crowd. It was odd that he was so quiet at this time of day- very unlike him. But it was still early on in the arrival period, so maybe he wasn’t ready to start yet. Maybe I had lucked out and could come in unseen.
“Wait up friends!”
Yeah, or not. That was cool too.
Brawly’s booming voice resounded over the clearing, drawing the attention of the small crowd. “It looks like we have a straggler, folks!”
Every step felt nearly painful as I approached closer, knowing that someone would recognize me at any second. Then it would start- the name-calling, the whispering. I was prepared for it, though. Or at least I hoped I was.
“Hold up, yo! Is that who I think it is?” Brawly said, taking a step toward the dock questioningly.
I felt like throwing my arms up in surrender or shouting sarcastically. Yes, it was me. Let’s just get it over with, shall we? But I knew that wouldn’t help my case any. If I wanted to survive I needed to keep my head about me, no matter how much I wanted to cry and scream on the inside.
“Is that ****ing Ellie?” Someone shouted, their voice indiscernible from the back of the crowd. I flinched visibly at the venom that dripped from it. I was glad I couldn’t see whoever it was- the malice in their eyes would only hurt that much more.
I made a sharp turn along the wall of trees that hugged the beach, trying my best to beeline for the cabin. But I knew as soon as I heard the crunch of sand behind me that it wasn’t going to happen.
“Wait wait-” he said quickly, grabbing my wrist.
My body pulled back suddenly, the inertia of my body wanting me to continue forward. I whipped my head around, coming face-to-chest with none other than Brawly. He was taller than I was, and his shoulders loomed broader than I remembered. He seemed tanner, too.
“It is you.” He said softly, blinking in surprise.
I recoiled, yanking my arm back from him. The softness of his voice stung- the incredulousness of it. We were once good friends, and now he sounded as though he had seen a ghost. I knew I had done it to myself, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.
“Yes, it’s me,” I said, staring at my feet in the sand. “I can leave if you want me to.”
I could see his shadow sway slightly, as though my comment had caught him off guard- a rare thing for him. “No no.” He said, clearly recovering quickly. “You know the rules. Once welcomed, always welcomed.”
A snort flew from my nose as I rolled my eyes instinctively. Yeah, okay. Tell that to whoever had given me that oh-so-nice greeting. “Doesn’t feel like it,” I said instead.
“It’s been a while.” He said awkwardly.
Slowly I brought my gaze upward, meeting his. I knew he’d be able to tell I was struggling, but I was hoping he’d let me go. This conversation was painful. “Yeah well, I guess that’s what happens when you-”
His face fell as I stopped myself. Awkward silence drudged between us as I stood there, feeling my walls beginning to crumble. I didn’t mean for this to start this way. I was supposed to be strong, act like I didn’t care. Why was this so hard?
“In any case,” he said slowly. “I’m glad you’re here. And I’m sure there are others as well.”
“If you’re sure,” I said blandly. He was lying through his teeth, but that was okay. It was the effort that counted. After another moment of silence, I nodded my head to him, feeling my throat beginning to burn with unspilled tears. “I’ll see you around.”
