Metal Bagon
Play the Guitar Rift
I've only read chapter one but this looks great! Could I please be added to the PM list?
Fourth: The only problem is that, after reading The Adventure of Adventureness for so long, it's slightly predictable. Or, maybe I've just read so many jokes from you that, while I don't expect them, I'm not surprised when they rear their head. Could another poster give me a second opinion?
Finally: Despite that, could you add me to the PM list?
Couldn't resist.Red Vershunn? Someone is having a bit of fun with homophones, Action Replay style!
He will, and soon. Right now he's still trying to work through the whole... everything else.In any case, I wonder why Red hasn't figured out the anagrams of the cities.
Thanks! Glad you like it, and you are added to the PM list!Pant.....pant....... just learned about this fic an hour ago and I must say I'm impressed
not only am I learning about new glitch pokemon but you've actually taken a concept most trainers fear and made it funny
add me to the PM list please so I can read on
as always good work m.m
I like .4. Glad you liked the chapter.Anyways, this chapter had a lot more going on in it.
Inter-dimensional transport,
me having to look up more glitched Pokemon,
Red Vershunn (nice last name), more mixed up names for towns,
and first captures for Orange and Red. (And I thought 44HY was a weird Pokemon, .4 is just a dot.)
The Ivadirin Gym Leader will be the eighth Gym Leader. The gang just doesn't know that yet. All Orange and Violet know is that there's a Pokémon Gym in Ivadirin City.And I noticed something, isn't Ivadirin city's gym leader the eighth gym leader? Or is that just a difference between Tanko and Kanto.
Thanks!Anyways loving this so far, great work.
Knightfall signing off...;005;
Sure thing!EDIT: May I please be put on the PM list, if there is one? Thanks.
I see your point, yeah. Even I would be a little wary of living in a place like that, and I'm really into glitches.So chapter two finally allows us to see the strange and crazy areas of the tanko region. Wow is it weird. I am with red on this one. I much prefer theregular routes and plain pokemon. Don't get me wrong I love the fic I just wouldn't want to live in this region at all.
As mentioned above, you'll have a bit of a wait for that.I can't wait to see what the gym leader will be like
Thank you!Original idea! A whole region based off of glitch Pokémon is pretty ridiculous. I could get used to it, I think.
TM28 is the name of .4's signature move.Wait, so .4's signature move is the TM28 or is that the name of the move?
Not a problem. Glad you like it so far!Anyways, please add me to the PM list!
You're right, I know. I'm really gonna try and work on my description in Chapter 3. It's never been my strongest point, and I'm aware I need to work on it.Chapter two.
This chapter is fine, mechanically. Again, not many grammar mistakes, nor spelling errors, but I'm still missing something. It's description. We discussed it before, but it's still important and I haven't seen much improvement. Just take a look at your chapter and check out how many paragraphs begin with - or consist solely of - dialogue. It's almost entirely made up of speech. You do everything through your character's words instead of your own.
I really think working on description could flesh out and improve your story. As it stands, you're missing out. Why? You're working in a world so unlike the ones we're used to, but you're not using it. You could show it to us, much like you did the sun, but you glance over it. Them living in a glitched out universe is new, it's unexpected, and it's something Red would not be accustomed to. Neither are we. So show it to us.
You do it a little bit with the sun in chapter one and some quick description of the forest and its glitched-out pokémon, but you should try to do it more. This world being different from others is a vital plot-point, so show us how different it is. Does this make sense? (And don't just say things are 'scrambled'. Explain what that looks like.)
As I said earlier, Red will realize that Tanko is a glitchy version of Kanto, and very soon, too. Once he starts to work past the fact that he's in an alternate dimension where everything is all glitchy and people grow numbers in their gardens, anyway.Also, why hasn't Red realized that it's a mirror world yet? He should be intimately aware of Pallet Town and the road that leads to Viridian City. Your version is supposed to be a glitched out version of theirs, right? So while things would be different, they would still be similar. So why hasn't he taken note of it yet? And why is he being sent on a trainer's journey when he needs to get to Cinnibar Island - or this world's version of it, anyway. Surely there are more boats that could take him, or they could rent one, or Redwood could lend him a water pokémon, or ask someone to fly him there, or... Someone from an alternate universe just showed up on a professors doorstep. I doubt someone so interested in knowledge would simply say 'oh, go journey around the world for a few months and maybe you'll get to this faraway island at some point'.
I do have a plot in mind. If you'll recall, the two evil teams mentioned in the story- Team Debug and Team Error, they'll be playing a rather major role in the story and will have much influence on the plot.Anyway, I still think this has an interesting premise, but it's starting to look like a trainer journey that just happens to be in a world that has lots of glitches. I hope you have some sort of plot in mind, because that would get boring pretty fast. Also, description, but you know that by now.
Well, I'm glad you liked it. Thanks.Your characters are fun, though a bit cliché - the loudmouth boy, the know-it-all girl and the cool stranger - but they work well and their dialogue sounds realistic. I do like their interaction, even if I think Red adjusts to this being a new world a bit too easily. (I certainly wouldn't be happy catching pokémon shortly after I'd been told I was in an alternate universe.) They are lovely, though, and that's good. Good luck with the next chapter and any edits you might make!
That was indeed an error, that instance of "44Hy" was supposed to say ".4". I've fixed it, thanks for pointing it out.Edit. Oh, I forgot. One error I did notice was in this paragraph:
Or, at least I think it's an error. That last 44Hy doesn't make sense to me, as the pokédex is talking about the .4 pokémon, not the starter.
Sure thing, and thanks!I like the story so far. It's pretty interesting. I can't wait to see what kind of antics these guys get into. Put me on the PM list please.
You're on the list. Glad you're liking it!I've only read chapter one but this looks great! Could I please be added to the PM list?
First off: Wonderful idea for a story, and wonderful execution.
Second off: It'll take a little getting used to to read this while checking bulbapedia every chapter. Not that big of a deal, since I rarely find much else about the glitchmons from there.
Third off: 402 ERROR PLEASE RELOAD THE WEBPAGE. Sorry, couldn't resist.
Fourth: The only problem is that, after reading The Adventure of Adventureness for so long, it's slightly predictable. Or, maybe I've just read so many jokes from you that, while I don't expect them, I'm not surprised when they rear their head. Could another poster give me a second opinion?
Finally: Despite that, could you add me to the PM list?
As I said earlier, Red will realize that Tanko is a glitchy version of Kanto, and very soon, too. Once he starts to work past the fact that he's in an alternate dimension where everything is all glitchy and people grow numbers in their gardens, anyway.
As for why Redwood didn't try any other methods of getting Red to Bincanar Island, he has his own reason for wanting Red to travel around Tanko, which will be detailed later in the story.
Sure thing!May i be added to the pm list as well? I would hate to miss the new chapters.
He seems to have accepted everything already, though, what with him catching a pokémon and whatnot. If I'd been him I'd still be at the professor's, asking questions and staring in fear at all these strange, alien concepts. I certainly wouldn't leave the one person who's most likely to have immediate answers - a pokémon professor. But that might just be me.
Fair enough on Redwood maybe not wanting him to go yet - which seems odd, especially since he was the one mentioning that Red needed to go to Bincanar Island, but fine - but surely Red would realize that there'd be other ways of getting there? He's stranded in an unknown world. I'm sure he'd like to get back to his own as soon as possible. And even if he didn't realize that, the other two kids would probably know there are, logically speaking, other methods of transportation to get there.
"The ferry service to Bincanar put all the boat rental businesses out of work, and they had already been struggling given the popularity of traveling over water via Pokémon. The only Pokémon I have here are the starters I give to beginning trainers, and the Water-types don't know Surf yet."
Oh, and fyi, in case you didn't catch it earlier, I'm taking a few liberties with the height and weight of the Glitch Pokémon. A lot of them exceed ten feet in height and half a ton in weight.
This is a pretty good fic so far. The description isn't really that bad. Will a Blue/Green Vershuun show up as Red's Brother/Sister? As a final note, there is a move without a type that isn't a glitch. Curse.
As I said earlier, there's still another reason, which I won't reveal at this moment for plot reasons.He could have had someone send a pokémon over, though? Same goes for acquiring a pokémon who knows the move 'fly'. Plus, they wouldn't have to, necessarily, rent a boat. They could borrow one from local fishermen, or whatever. People who live close to the water generally make use of it and if the ferry only runs once a month, then there are definitely going to be other boats travelling to Bincanar. I really think you should come up with a reason that doesn't hinge on there not being a way to get to Bincanar.
Thanks! And sure, you can be on the PM list.My bad. I must have not caught that. As for Chapter 2, it was great. Hilarious! I love the mixing up of the city names. Very clever there. Adding Red was a great idea because it gives a "normal person's" perspective on this glitch world that is so normal to Orange and Violet (A number garden? Just awesome!) I also like Orange's incessant talking and Violet's snide remarks and trying to shut him up. Can I be on the PM list btw?
Glad you like it. You are on the PM list!Wow. In all of your fics, you always bring something unique that I would've never thought of. I will do a proper reveiw on my next post, but for now can I please be put on the PM list? Thanks.
Maybe.P.S Do I see a team magma/aqua relationship between team error/debug?
Well, thanks, I'm glad you like it so far. I don't plan to write Blue or Green in. If- that's if- I decide that Red has any siblings, best you could hope for is a brief mention, at least as far as I can see at this point. And even if Volt Trainer was wrong about Curse now being a Ghost move, the ???-type still did count as a type. Now, non-glitch moves without types, there's the Shadow moves in the GameCube games. Shadow Rush, Shadow Wave, and the like. It's widely accepted that they're the Shadow-type when in reality the game lists no type for them, not even ???.This is a pretty good fic so far. The description isn't really that bad. Will a Blue/Green Vershuun show up as Red's Brother/Sister? As a final note, there is a move without a type that isn't a glitch. Curse.
Yay! A new chapter! I wonder if Brock will be Kcrob?!