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Discussion in 'Shipping Fics' started by ~Mist~, Sep 16, 2008.

  1. ~Mist~

    ~Mist~ revolutionary~


    Author: ~Mist~
    Pairing: Pokeshipping
    Fandom: Pokemon
    Genre: Romance
    Rating: G
    Disclaimer: Both of the characters do not belong to me, but to their fellow creators.
    Summary: One becomes upset at the other, thus leading the other to discover why.

    Notes: This is an assignment given in one of my classes to create a short story consisting of less than five pages based on romance. So, that's pretty much how this one came into play. In some ways, I find this one to be... short. xD I'm not used to writing onto a limit so I think this is one thing I can improve in my writing. This was a bit of a challenge to write. I kept going over five pages but then found a way to make it shorter, so I'm hoping this one will be liked. I find Acceptance to be somewhat realistic in terms of Pokeshipping, so don't expect fluff in here nor passionate romance. I wish I could have gone into more description, but I'll leave it as it is. Personally, this one isn't my favorite but there are parts I liked throughout this handy one-shot. I want to see whether I can pull off PS in less than five pages. xD So, with that said, please feel free to review! I'll be happy to know what you have thought of this.


    Aquamarine eyes slowly fluttered open at the stroke of sunlight. Rays of its warmth from the steady window settled onto her slim body, provoking lips of hers to form a dazzling smile. Her creamy delicate hand gently moved cinnamon strands away from her innocent face. Her vision was now clear, able to recognize the surroundings.

    A tranquilizing breeze danced on the outskirts of a grassy field, almost whispering for her to rise. Soft ivory toned flowers accompanied her, each demonstrating the concept of purity. The soothing flow of a gentle stream was heard close by. Regardless of her long slumber, she found herself yawning; perhaps it was not time to wake. There she had discovered a sleeping figure, one that meant great significance to her very eyes. His eyes were currently closed, resting peacefully under the care of her. A light chuckle came from her, amused by the sound of his light snore; every time his breath came, raven toned hair flew upwards in a rather quick fashion but then soon returned to the original position. She, the observer, found it surprising how one of such volume could be oh so quiet when fast asleep… almost like the innocence of a child.

    Suddenly, she heard him waking to the sunlight, revealing clear tones of dark honey in the eyes of strength and curiosity. As he slowly settled himself in a sitting position, a bright smile came from his lips as a greeting.

    “Had a nice nap?” her voice questioned in a friendly manner while he nodded in return. Noticing his current drained nature, the young redhead had decided to allow him to rest if necessary.

    “I had such a strange dream,” he suddenly spoke with his eyes wide in shock.

    She found herself raising an eyebrow in interest. “Well, what kind of dream was it?”

    “I-I have a hard time explaining it,” was his answer, hesitation reflecting by his stuttering tone.

    “Ash, you can tell me no matter how outlandish it is,” her voice firmly confirmed, beginning to lose patience.

    The young teenager sighed loudly, watching the flawless flight of precious birds a clear distance away. Once gone, he glanced towards his friend whom was staring in question. “Can you imagine us being together?” His voice revealed doubt as well as astonishment.

    In an instant, true tints of red appeared on her soft cheeks. Her once strong posture has now transformed into the depths of shyness. She did not answer; anything she said now could tell all.

    “Misty, are you all right?”

    At once, her body rose until she stood tall above him, disallowing herself to look at her companion. “Never better,” was her crude answer, feeling the emotion of hurt settling onto her spirit.

    “Are you sure?”


    He could not see, nor did less realize her current state of sentiment. In a state of wonder, he must know, no, who was responsible for her silent wrath; now was a good time to start. “See, I told you the idea of us being together is pretty strange.”

    A more perfect moment to unleash anger could not be any better than now.

    When he had noticed her utter silence, his tan toned hands began shaking in a manner that showed none other than nervousness. Fright had now become his ally as well.

    “I know I did something wrong,” his voice slowly told at the moment of realization.

    “You sure have,” she answered clearly.

    “Sorry, I had no idea this would…” he paused for a second to consider his next word then continued, “offend you.”

    “Tell me, how is the possibility of us being together strange to you?” Misty questioned in a sense of authority.

    This time, it was his turn to raise an eyebrow. “You find nothing wrong with that?”

    “That depends on your answer.”

    Refusing to stare into her powerful eyes for his own sake, he managed to say, “Well, I have to admit it is weird.”

    “That makes sense considering how you have the mind of a child,” she scoffed, crossing her arms against her chest.

    His hand quickly tightened into a fist. “You take that back!”

    “I will not.”

    “Then what are you so upset about?” he challenged in a strong volume.

    “Nothing,” she answered in offense.

    “You know that is not true.”

    “The way you described your dream as strange is…” she stopped, not wishing to say more.

    He nodded for her to continue.

    “It just… hurt.”

    His expression had now undergone a change from frustration to concern. “Aw, Misty… I’m sorry. I really am. You are my best friend. I shouldn’t have said that.”

    “Nothing beyond that,” she added solemnly, but then brightened, “but you were saying what was on your mind.”

    “But that alone hurt you,” he replied, staring into her turquoise eyes while attempting to smile. “In all reality, the dream wasn’t so bad. In fact, the dream got better later on.”

    “Later on?” she repeated, blinking.

    “If we were to somehow get together someday, I think that wouldn’t be so bad.”

    “Do you really mean that, or are you trying so hard to make me feel better?”

    “Nah, I mean it,” Ash responded while sticking out his tongue playfully. “I wouldn’t mind.”

    Her lips came into a warm smile in response, blushing slightly from his words. In a matter of seconds, she herself noticed something strange. “Do you know where we are, Ash?”

    Confusion rose among his soul at first, glancing at his surroundings. Slowly scratching his head, he nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I know where we are.”

    “Tell me where, then.”

    “This is where we first met, remember?”

    She recalled the amusing memory, finding herself laughing. When they were younger, the silly yet absolutely reckless Ash had fallen into the rushing stream: his only hope was to hold onto a thin fishing line which surprisingly belonged to the ruthless yet caring Misty. With her mighty strength, she had somehow pulled his entire weight out of the heavy water while he in return altered her brand new bike into rubble. She was no pleased with the outcome, thus declaring her grand announcement of how she will follow him to the ends of the world until her mode of transportation was repaid.

    “I remember exactly,” she grinned in delight.

    “But, we became friends in the end, right?”

    Confronting with the truth of reality, she nodded. “Is that even if we could become something more, Ash?”

    “Yes, Misty… as much as the thought is shocking to me.”

    Laughing, she teased with “Of course”.

    The dynamic duo stared off towards the moving clear blue stream where life of all kinds bloomed. Colorful fish swam in unison while the light stayed within reach, gazing high above with such prevalence. His profound excitement provoked him to rise, racing towards the glorious sight. The cinnamon haired girl watched him, shaking her head quickly onto how he could be such a child. Maybe that was one reason why she was so fond of her dearest friend regardless for his lack of maturity upon his soul. In her eyes, no one was Ash nor could dare imitate him; his mind constantly changed. She did not care, knowing she loved him for being perfectly imperfect.

    After all those years, only she realized her feelings regardless of his lack of comprehending the area of romance. The flow of water close by represented the long amount of time for them grow; slowly, yes, but gradually forming into something more. That she could not deny.

    Perhaps being together was all too soon but at least his acceptance of the very idea brought her to smile towards the future.

    Notes 2: I hope to see responses about this. You might have noticed that I had barely used contractions throughout this one-shot. My professor wanted to have me keep that to a very small amount which I think I achieved here. Your thoughts would be appreciated! It was rather bittersweet, don't you think? xD
  2. Milotic17

    Milotic17 Well-Known Member

    Is this really five pages? It seems shorter than that somehow. (Then again, maybe it was double-spaced.) It can be hard to keep to page limits, although I tend to have the opposite problem and have trouble ocming up with enough. Anyway, on with the review!

    I thnk you did a good job with this. Ash and Misty are in character and everything, and I think it's a little sad but sweet. I like how it wasn't one of you typical "Ash and Misty fight and Misty runs away and Ash finds her and they confess their luv" fics; I actually like that you didn't have her confess, because I don't think she would in such a situation and I'm not sure that she's ready to anyway. People tend to abuse the whole confession thing, so I'm glad you didn't do it.

    Something I tend to point out to a lot of people online (well, this and bad grammar, which, thankfully, you don't have) is the tendency to sort of overdo description. What I mean is the language gets almost too flowery and poetic and it seems like the author's almost trying too hard. That's kind of the case with the opening of your piece. I don't want to upset you because I know you probably worked really hard on it, but, then again, that's also kind of my point; you don't need to try so hard to be poetic and descriptive. Of course, you don't want to underdo it either (which, admittedly, I'm guilty of doing), and it's hard to find the right balance, but I'm sure with practice you'll do it. Also, sometimes the sentences are worded kind of strangely and hard to understand, like the following:

    There are a couple of typos, which I'm sure you'll find. Try not to use italics so much; it kind of takes their importance and emphasis away.

    Anyway, I know I made some suggestions, but that doesn't mean that I don't like this, because I definitely do. I think you did a good job and I hope you get a good grade on your assignment. (You deserve it!) I hope you'll write more. :)
  3. ~Mist~

    ~Mist~ revolutionary~

    Oh, yup, it was double spaced. So, without the double spaced format, the story was pretty much around four. xD

    Aw, thanks! I wasn't having the idea of making them confess. Not in this one, anyway. xDDD

    Oh, okay. I see what you're saying! No worries! I'm open to criticism; that helps me improve. =) But I get what you mean. I sometimes end up being poetic when I don't even realize it. I've read too much Greek plays these days. xD So, thank you!! :3 I'll try not to use poetic terms too much, but keep it to a minimum.

    Ah, okay. I found them. xD I edited the final version to hand in for class, so thanks for point that out! And okay, sure. I think I overdid it with the italics here. ^^;

    Aww, I hope, too. Thanks so much for the review! It was helpful and honest; I love good reviews. :3 I'm glad you liked the one-shot, though! =D
  4. MapleRoses

    MapleRoses Jaejoong is HERO

    how sweet^^

    I absolutely LOVE your describing skill but I also envy you,
    b'cause I don't even know how to describe a thing properly

    grammar and spelling is great, so far I found 0 mistakes^^
    keep it up, girl~
  5. ChloboShoka

    ChloboShoka Writer

    Don't worry about the size, it's what's in the fic that counts.

    When I was reading, it felt like I was reading a script from a deleted scene, or unseen episode of pokemon.

    I actually like how you write so poetically, it gives it a bit more grace to it. Another thing I like about 'Acceptance' is that it's different to every other typical fic.

    Greatly in character here, and I like the flow in the dialogue here.

    Whilst obvious Misty was upset abouyt what Ash said, and he was oblivious to that when he said it, I thought this part was actually quite funny.

    I think in some ways the fic was bittersweet, but not too much. There was a little bit of humor involved as well and it sounded pretty realistic.

    Lastly, good luck on assignment, I'm sure you'll do well.
  6. ~Mist~

    ~Mist~ revolutionary~


    Aww, don't! I don't think this one-shot reflects my description skill; the other ones I wrote are far better. xDDD

    Thanks! Glad you enjoyed! ^O^

    Aww, thanks! I honestly didn't think of the one-shot in that way, so that's great for me to hear. :3

    Thank you! =) I'm glad I got Ash and Misty in character; that was my goal for this one. xD

    Ash is like that; he's the kind of person who doesn't get romance so I think having that sort of reaction for him suits his character. :3

    Yay, thank you so much! I was hoping to capture the realistic part of Pokeshipping itself along with the characters. I think the ending is open to interpretation slightly since one can think of it as a happy or sad way. This one can go either way, so I'm glad you liked it. :3

    Thanks, Chloe! I hope it gets a good grade. :3
  7. ashlyrose

    ashlyrose lovebug<3

    Wow ~Mist~ this was great!

    Your descriptions shame me! I wish I was half as talented as you!

    I love the fact that they were at the place they had first met, that's my favorite setting in pokeshipping fics!

    Ash was adorably hilarious! I think I love reading fanfics because even when the writer puts Ash perfectly in character(as you did) he doesn't bother me nearly as much as he does in the anime!
  8. Yoshi-kun

    Yoshi-kun Wandering the Forums

    Gosh, I love this. You have them perfectly in character. Dealing with realism makes it so much better, because that is what makes the fic really shine.

    Because if can't you imagine it, what's the point?

    Your description is wonderful and the fic is straight to the point. It's short and sweet. That makes t like a nice little escape, a little lost scene.

    I understand what you mean by trying to keep it under five pages. I've had two one-shots grow into multi-chaptered fics on me without trying (both still unfinished) so kudos to you on making it work.

    I love that Ash has to deal thinking of them on his own, and his reaction is so like him. And Misty has to deal with something she's tried to keep hidden, but now has a chance to make it something more. Instead of just friends, but she has to be careful because of how the idea affects Ash.

    My only question is, they were where they first met? That felt kind of random when they first mentioned it. But then it makes sense that they could be camping out there or something, and you didn't have room to describe anymore anyway.

    So it's okay.

    I like the fic and give it a nine out of ten. Hope you did well on the assignment. I enjoyed this. ^ ^
  9. shadow_shipper

    shadow_shipper ...indeed...

    You wrote. PokéShipping. For a School Assignment. o_o
    Who says being a shipper is useless at school ? :p

    Who else could write something like this ? It's amazing ._.

    Hah, ever so dense ^^'

    Yes, let's start with that.
    And from there on, time will tell !

    Notes 2: I hope to see responses about this. You might have noticed that I had barely used contractions throughout this one-shot. My professor wanted to have me keep that to a very small amount which I think I achieved here. Your thoughts would be appreciated! It was rather bittersweet, don't you think? xD[/QUOTE]

    Short, a bit, but you know size doesn't matter lol
    This is beautifully written, nothing to add there. In terms of fanfic,I sense you could have kept on writing for at least another five pages xD But this is a nice way of ending it, while still keeping it real and keeping us thinking "We still have some way to go :/"
    Bittersweet only if you think this won't happen :D
    As for as I'm concerned, I loved this because it showed evolution ;)
    No mistakes, grammar, spelling, great ! 5 stars, I see no reason to have it another way !

    So ? How did the assignment do ? xD
  10. ~Mist~

    ~Mist~ revolutionary~

    Fwee, gotta reply to reviews!

    Aww, thank you! You're awesome at writing, too; don't doubt yourself! xD

    OMG SAME. XD I just love fics with this place, it makes it sweeter~

    Aww, thank you! I'm glad I accomplished the in-character part! Thanks so much for the kind review! :3

    Aww, yay, Yoshi-kun! Thank you! At first, I really thought this one was too depressing. xD

    Thanks a bunch! I seriously thought this one was going to suck big time. xD

    Thankies! This one was a bit of a challenge since I don't normally write short one-shots, but I'm glad to hear it worked here. And aww, that sometimes happens to me, too! I have other works that I've started but never finished! xD

    Yes, this one has a lot of mixed reactions form both characters. Ash was unsure how to react to his own dream while Misty's just getting angry to herself. I didn't want to make them confess here; the whole conversation itself didn't set up for it. xD

    Oh, I completely forgot about putting that part in my notes! This assignment was all based on a painting which happened to be a grassy filed with a stream nearby. When I first saw the paitning, I instantly thought of Pokeshipping and set them as my main characters here. :3

    Yay, happy to hear! Thankies so much! ^O^

    xD! When it comes to creative assignments, that's the only time where I can write about PS. XD This is the first one containing Pokeshipping that I've given to my professor, so yay. xD

    You flatter me! xD

    My specialty is to make Ash dense. xDDD

    Yup! Like I said, I didn't make them confess so this is basically the point where the two are halfway there. xD

    Aww, thank you! At first, this one was originally more than five pages. I remember the original included the actual scene when the two met and have Misty reflecting her memories, but it was way past five pages, so I had to shorten it. I was going to give you guys the original version but then decided to keep it like the assignment I turned in. :3

    But like I said, I wanted to make it as realistic to PS as possible. I think the last part related to all of us PSers ourselves to remind everyone we still have a long way to go. xD

    Yay, thanks so much, Mark! Five stars makes me happy. =D

    The most I've receieved word from my professor was that she thought the one-shot was lovely. That's really the only thing she said about this one, which kinda sucks because I wnated her to say more about it. I like commentaries. xD She didn't give it a grade as of yet since my other classmates failed to turn in their assignments extremely late. >> I'm thinking this got a B or an A. *hopes for the A* xD

    Thanks again for your reviews, guys! More as always welcome! =)

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