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"Altered" quotes

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AuraSphere

TED <3
This is a thread where you can compile your own quotes, altered from their original form.

I start us off:
"Some see the glass as half empty, some see it as half full. I just drink the water because I'm thirsty. There may be a moral in that but I wouldn't know about it."
~Me

"Some see the drunk that was hit by a car as half alive. Others see it as half dead.
It doesn't matter. The zombies are going to get it anyway." -Zibdas
^ Another good example.

It's also recommended you keep these quotes at a humorous level. Plus, don't post conversations.
 
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"Some see the drunk that was hit by a car as half alive. Others see it as half dead.
It doesn't matter. The zombies are going to get it anyway."
-A friend, about a month ago.
 
The cake is not a lie, the cake is a bomb!
(I heard this from somewhere.)
 
My dad: I wonder what Victoria's secret is.
Me:I don't know. She doesn't have anything to hide.

I was about 10 when I said this. XD
 
I'm in engineering school. One of the teachers assistants wrote "the cake is a lie" on his white board. I didn't understand the meaning at the time, so I thought about writing beneath it "there is no cake, there's only pi" (pi being the quantity ~3.14 frequently used in mathematics).

On this tv cartoon, this guy once said "Blood is thicker then water, but not as refreshing".
 
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"Well, I like women and I like golf, therefore I like women's golf... because I don't check out the mens' asses while they putt." - My Uncle when asked why he watches women's golf as opposed to men's.
 
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Oh yes, I must mention this. The original point of this thread was to "alter" famous quotes, but in your own words. An example:
"They told me I could become anything, so I became a tree", is an example.

You can also post self-made quotes, but they should have humorous value. They also cannot be situational, meaning only one-sentence quotes and no conversation quotes.
 
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