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Dragony

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by canisaries, Jan 12, 2019.

  1. Chibi Pika

    Chibi Pika Stay positive

    Heya, so I know this one has been giving you a lot of grief for awhile, but I found it pretty enjoyable. To start with, I thought the twist with Keith being so overjoyed at the idea of evolving that he evolved into the wrong thing was great, and makes perfect sense. I also liked how you described how his senses changed first before confirming what he'd actually become. The description of how he figured out how to melt into shadow was particularly fun. And Cheri is delightfully obnoxious as always.

    And while the second half of the chapter was a bit uneventful compared to the first half, it did give you time to dig into Keith's emotions. After all, this wasn't a mere setback on his life's goal--this was a real, permanent end to that goal. Of course he'd be devastated. But I'm sure he'll come to realize that he basically played a major role in a dragon revolution, which is pretty damn cool in its own right.

    ~Chibi~
     
    canisaries likes this.
  2. canisaries

    canisaries sometimes i get a deadache, yeah

    the final chapter of dragony. it's finally here and it's 8k words and i am dead. rated teen for fantasy violence and harsh language enjoy

    ---

    Part Six

    ---​

    “Hey! Stay where you are!” shouted Cheri. “Just give me the Draco Plate, and no one has to get hurt!”

    The altaria continued her silent run. She reached the rope bridge and stumblingly began to make her way down. The other passengers on deck began whispering to each other, wondering what was going on.

    Cheri clenched her hands into fists. “You wanna do this the hard way, then? Fine!”

    Her head craned back, and indigo-glowing energy gathered before her open mouth. Gold and magenta sparks flew as she fired the blast.

    Bella, having noticed the attack just in time, knew to jump and take flight - flapping her wings was still painful, but she knew being caught in the blow would be far worse.

    The blast made contact with the rope bridge, ripping it in half and splitting a few planks. The leash connecting the deck and ferry luckily withstood the blow, being made of sturdier materials.

    Bella glided down to the ferry and continued to run, now for the group's carriage.

    “Guys! Guys!” she shouted, panting. “They found us! Wake up!”

    “Ngghhh… what's that yelling about?” mumbled Doris inside, body stirring underneath Ared's head.

    Keith perked his ears. “Isn't that… Bella?”

    A nearby boom shook the carriage. Everyone within jerked upright.

    “Guys! Help! It's a latias!” Bella screamed from outside.

    “Bella!” Ared exclaimed, grabbed his bag and burst out the door. He nearly collided with Bella, but she swerved just in time and hid herself against the carriage.

    A few meters ahead was a small crater in the ferry, and some meters above that hovered a furious-looking latias. Around the scene, some mon had stepped out of their own carriages to see what was happening and now stared in shock.

    “What happened?” Doris asked Bella, standing in the doorway at first but backing up to let through Rog, who took to the skies barely a second after his exit.

    “I-I was out,” Bella began in panic, “and the latias just appeared out of nowhere! She saw me and recognized me and --”

    “She didn't make any noise?”

    “No, she said she flew slowly!”

    Doris grabbed her head. “Ah, crap…”

    Keith jumped off the bench. “Wh-what do we do now?”

    A snap rang out.

    “Ow! Hey, that's cheating!” shouted Cheri.

    “I think the boys have the right idea,” Doris said. “We need to fight. We have four dragons, we should be able to take a lati on!”

    “Three dragons,” corrected Bella. “I don't think I can fight in this state…”

    “Right. Still, three should fare just fine.”

    “Should I stay here to look after the Draco Plate?”

    Doris paused, then grabbed the bag that held the Plate. “No. This is what she's after. I can't have you caught in any wreckage she'd bring with her. You stay here, but we'll keep the Draco Plate away!”

    The dragons nodded. Bella stepped in and Doris hopped out.

    “Wait!” shouted Keith. “What do I do?”

    “Uhh…” Doris looked out of frame. “Rog!” she called, and soon the dragonite swiped by to take the bag off her hands.

    She turned back to Keith. “Can you fight?”

    Keith flinched. “Not r-really…”

    “Then, uhmm…” She glanced around, then shook her head and ran out of view. “Just stay there!”

    “...Right,” Keith sighed. “I'd just get in the way.”

    He stared at the floor. And mess up everything, just like I always do…

    Bella shuffled closer and softly leaned onto Keith. “You still feel bad about before, don’t you?”

    Keith nodded. “I wish I could make up for everything by helping out, but… I have nothing to offer.”

    “You’re doing the best you can,” the altaria comforted. “That’s all that matters. Sometimes the best you can do is doing nothing.”

    “But I...” He groaned quietly. “I’m a dark type now. It should be great against a psychic type!”

    “But you don’t know how to attack yet, do you?”

    “I don’t… but I learned to do that shadow thing! Even if I don’t know how to get out right yet, I learned it really fast, so why shouldn’t I --”

    “You can’t make those assumptions, Keith. And even if you did figure out how to do an attack, you’d need to test it out first so you wouldn’t accidentally hurt someone on your team. I know it must feel wrong to you, but staying here is the responsible thing to do. If you want to help, this is the best way to do it.”

    “Hrmmh...” Keith lay down. He tried to release his tension, but couldn’t - instead, it recoiled and caused him to jolt right back up.

    “I’m only going to watch,” he said before Bella could interject. “I should at least be there in spirit.”

    “Well… alright,” Bella mumbled, watching Keith step out. “But be careful!”

    Keith nodded with a slight smile and shut the door.

    ---

    “What the hell?” growled Ared as he watched the latias zoom after Rog, no longer disorientated at all. “I hit her with the totter seed, you saw that! How come she recovered so fast?”

    “Maybe it was a dud?” suggested Doris.

    “Grhh…” Ared snatched another spherical seed from his bag and set it on the band of his trusted slingshot. “I guess. But if this next one fails, we'll know they all will.”

    Doris nodded and began gathering up her own violet energy before her muzzle.

    “What in blazes be all this ruckus about?” shouted an unfamiliar voice from afar. All mon outside turned in its direction, finding a lone clauncher on the edge of the deck.

    “Buzz off, shrimpy!” snapped Cheri, halting her chase of Rog, who took the opportunity to catch his breath. “This is none of your business!”

    “It be me business when when it have me ferry be torn apart, ye crook!” the clauncher screeched.

    “Crook? I'm the one trying to stop these thieves! They took the Draco Plate, and I'm not stopping until I get it ba- ow!”

    “Got her!” exclaimed Ared, pleased with another totter seed hitting its mark. “Doris!”

    Doris fired her charged-up beam straight at Cheri. Unfortunately, the latias dodged just in time. The motion had a bit of a wobble, but soon stabilized, and the mon gave the ground-bound dragons a nasty glare.

    “Damn it,” grunted Ared. “Looks like totter seeds are a no-go.”

    Meanwhile, murmurs had arisen from the crowd that had gathered.

    “The Draco Plate?”

    Those guys stole the Plate?”

    “But they don't even look that strong!”

    “Or rich - look at that crappy carriage!”

    “Some guard must have screwed up big time…”

    “No, they have lots of guards watching over the throne room… they must all suck!”

    “Where are those taxes going?”

    “The King's breakfast buffet, I bet…”

    Further in the background, the clauncher kept fuming, but none seemed to pay him any mind - possibly just from his speech getting so hectic it was barely comprehensible.

    “Quit throwing those seeds!” snapped Cheri at Ared, but then sighed. “Ugh, forget it… I’m here for the Plate, nothing else matters! So give it!”

    A strong telekinetic force took hold of the bag Rog carried over his shoulder. Before he could secure it in his hands, the bag yanked away, its strap snapping in half. The dragonite growled in distress and took flight after the bag, but he couldn't catch up. Cheri pulled it away too fast.

    Finally, she caught it in her hands. Her smug expression signaled some triumphant remark to come, but it never came, as a pebble shot into her shoulder momentarily tore her claws off the bag - but long enough for the bag to fall and for Rog to catch it again.

    “THAT'S IT!” screeched Cheri. “I'm gonna break you, haxorus boy!”

    Instead of throwing her head back like Ared expected, she bowed it. Her eyes began to glow cyan. The space right before her forehead appeared to twist and waver, then a shimmering, pink light formed in the middle.

    “Damn, she’s going psychic this time,” Ared grumbled. “Wh-what kind of attack will it be?”

    He looked to Doris, but she was already running away. He grimaced, even if he knew that was probably the smart thing to do.

    With a flicker of the light and a bone-shaking boom, Cheri’s distortion shot forwards, but its path was odd, twisting, unpredictable. Ared’s legs begged him to bolt, but his brain insisted exactly that would make the attack meet its target - which it became less and less certain of as the attack’s path stabilized, seeming to aim for his current spot instead, but the poor dragon’s joints had already been locked.

    “Oh crap!” was all he could yell as he realized his fate had been sealed. Throwing his arms before him, even if it felt too late for that, he braced himself for the coming pain.

    But it didn’t come. A shadow had leapt in from the left and intercepted the blast, which vanished upon their contact. The distortion rectified, and the light died like the flame of a candle blown out.

    The shadow stood up straight, barely fazed by the blow, and shook its coat. Its markings glowed bright yellow.

    “Keith?” Ared breathed.

    Keith looked to him and Doris. He smirked. “Sorry for getting in the way.”

    “Eaugh!” Cheri twisted her face to a degree even she must have known was excessive. “Of course you’ve gotta have a murkie with you too!”

    Keith ignored her. “Guys, give me the bag!” he yelled to the dragons on his side. “If I’m holding it, she can’t yank it away with her psychic powers.” And I can finally help out in the fight, he thought, smiling.

    “Gruh!” Rog swooped over Keith, dropping the bag. Keith caught it and peeked inside to confirm the Plate's presence. Still there, yes.

    Cheri glared at the umbreon and the other dragons arriving by his side, ready to protect him. “Well, fine, no psychic attacks then!” she spat. “I have plenty of power in my dragon attacks alone.” Her eyes stuck to Keith. “And that'll serve as a lesson to you, non-dragon, that mammals shouldn't get that cocky!”

    “Okay, guys!” Doris called. “Avoid her attacks, don't let any hit Keith, and any time you see an opening, blast her!”

    Ared nodded determinedly and began to gather heat in his maw, but Rog barked in uncertainty.

    Doris sighed. “Oh, right, your blizzard isn't fast enough and you have no other ranged attacks… um, fly up try to herd her into one spot. If she gets close, just scratch.”

    “Ruh-huh.” Rog took flight.

    Doris looked back at Cheri, who'd begun charging another blast of draconic energy. She stretched her legs to ready them for any necessary sprint, and prepared her own attack.

    The first to finish was Ared. He leapt forward and a pillar of flame erupted from his mouth, directed at the latias. He almost smirked as it seemed the fire had engulfed the mon whole, but the corners of his lips drooped as he noticed her reappear right next to it, unharmed.

    “Oh, great. She can teleport, too?” he grumbled, but began readying his next batch of flames nonetheless.

    As Doris had hoped, Cheri's teleportation had reset her progress, meaning the goodra was the next to strike. Instead of simply launching her attack at the latias, though, she exchanged glances with Rog in the air. The dragonite understood - well enough, anyway, and fluttered his way behind Cheri.

    Cheri, on the other hand, had her eyes on Keith, or more specifically, the bag held in his maw. She swerved rhythmically from side to side like an arbok flaunting its false face to a predator, all while the sparks leaking from her mouth grew brighter and more frequent.

    Keith returned the stare, light on his paws. His heart pounded and thoughts raced. I do wonder what getting hit by a dragon blast would feel like… but if I test that out, it'll be with a dragon I like. Right now, I have a Plate to protect.

    His eyes strayed, torn away by motion behind Cheri - Rog had dashed at the latias, paw ready to swipe. Keith realized his mistake and quickly looked away, wishing dearly that Cheri wouldn't have noticed.

    The latias flipped around and released her attack.

    A plume of indigo fire enveloped Rog. The entire ferry flashed blue, brightened even further by the reflecting sea around. A reflex drew Keith’s eyes shut. For several seconds, all he saw was an orange afterimage. But the ache in his eyes barely registered compared to the freezing fear that he’d been the one responsible for this.

    Two more whooshes came with flashes of their own. Keith guessed they were Doris’ and Ared’s attacks, and he guessed right, as his opened eyes told him. Unfortunately, Cheri still seemed unscathed - even with the distraction of Rog, she’d spotted and dodged the attacks in time. Her glassy down still retained its sheen.

    Rog had dropped like a fly after Cheri’s flames had subsided. Now, his plummet reached its end with a powerful splash in the sea.

    “Rog!” cried out Doris and Ared, their mouths now free.

    “Ah, whiskers!” exclaimed the captain. “Lifeguard! Mon overboard!”

    From a shack at the back of the deck, a floatzel with a red band around his arm bust out. “Where?”

    The captain, along with a few in the crowd, pointed towards where Rog had fallen. The floatzel nodded, ran to the edge and dove into the sea. He flinched as he locked eyes with an angry Cheri, but proceeded as usual when the latias seemed to decide he wasn’t a threat.

    “And now...” Cheri whispered to herself. A blue glow covered her.

    Keith grunted to get the others’ attention, but by the time they’d turned their heads, the latias had reappeared right before him. He leapt backwards, rendering a swipe at the bag a miss. He leapt again, but this time his hop was cut short by a collision with a shelgon in the crowd. “Howwy,” he apologized, and slipped past the spherical dragon into the mass of mon and carriages.

    “Outta the way!” snapped Cheri as she shoved onlookers to her sides. Each push drew more whispers and tutting.

    A splash and a thump came from the other edge, momentarily drawing everyone's attention, but releasing it as they recognized it as the floatzel. He had returned with Rog and was now analyzing his condition.

    Doris’ antennae perked. “Ared, keep an eye on the latias,” she said to the haxorus and rushed to Rog's side. She sighed, relieved, as he saw him still breathing.

    “Is he gonna be fine?” she asked the floatzel.

    “He's unconscious and cold,” the mon responded. “Help me carry him to the sickbay. It's warm and dry there.”

    “R-right!”

    Doris gripped Rog's slippery body as well as she could, and the two began carrying him towards the deck.

    In the middle of the ferry, Cheri had finally lost her patience. She rose above the crowd with a growl.

    “Alright, all of you!” she shouted. “As mon of the Dragon Kingdom, it’s your duty to cooperate! Where among you is the umbreon?”

    “Don’t answer her!” roared Ared, drawing the mon’s looks to him. “She can’t do anything to you if you all just stay quiet!”

    “Shut up, axe-face!” Cheri glared at a few randomly picked mon, making sure they all winced at her. When one didn’t, however, she spoke up.

    “You!” She pointed at the mon in question, a weavile who stood with a slouch and an unintimidated face. “You know where he is, don’t you? Spit it out!”

    “Why should I?” the weavile replied. “It’s not like you’d actually believe me, since I am just a lyin’ murkie.”

    The mon around him exchanged nervous glances and shuffled a bit away. “He’s in trouble...” mumbled someone.

    “Fine, have it your way,” groaned Cheri and picked another mon, this time a dragon. “You there --”

    “Excuse me, latias, but I’m not done,” continued the weavile, drawing a scowl from Cheri. “You see, I heard you use that word - the m-word, as we civil mon call it - for that umbreon as well, so I’m assumin’ you’re no stranger to it.”

    “So, what, are your feelings are hurt?” Cheri sneered. “Tough! It doesn’t matter what some non-dragon thinks. Now, I have a job to do, so just shut up and --”

    “Non-dragon this, mammal that… call me crazy, but it's soundin’ an awful lot like you’re one of those dragons who don't think the folks of other types deserve any respect!”

    He turned to the crowd. “Hey, everybody! This miss here thinks non-dragons are worthless! Barely above ferals, if even that! Do you all agree?”

    The mon around looked away, fidgeting with their clothing, manes and scales.

    “Come on now,” the weavile continued. “Don’t tell me y’all are just a bunch of mareep!”

    A brief silence reigned, but then motion came from his right.

    “H-hey, don’t say things like that!” bleated a young mareep that stepped into view. “We m-mareep aren’t any more cowardly than other types of mon!”

    “That’s the spirit!” said the weavile and patted the mareep on the back, much to her surprise. “Now, how do you feel about that latias here that no doubt thinks your kind is nothing but dull-faced, subservient walkin’ pillows?”

    The mareep stared at the weavile’s claws, then at the latias they pointed to, then over her shoulder at her ampharos parents inaudibly screaming and flailing at her to stop whatever she was doing.

    She stomped a hoof on the ferry’s wooden planks, eyes fiery and locked onto Cheri. “I think that’s a load of crap, and that no one like that should be in charge of anything!”

    Cheri clasped her cheeks in exaggerated shock. “Ooh, and what are you gonna do about it? What are any of you gonna do about it? The only non-dragon thing that stands a chance against a dragon is ice, and all of those are way too slow and frail! It’s just a fact dragons have the best type! No real weaknesses!”

    The mareep puffed her chest. “What about fairies then, huh?”

    “Fairies?” Cheri burst into laughter. “Yeah, okay! I suppose they’re just gonna hop off the storybook pages, huh? Grow up, kid! Fairies are just a myth non-dragons keep alive to tell themselves dragons aren’t that powerful! You’ve been lied to!”

    “You’re kiddin’ me, right?” mumbled the weavile. “I know they’ve gotten rarer, but sheesh...”

    “Fairies, the things they’ll believe...” Cheri chuckled to herself, but then shook her head. “Okay, this has gone on long enough!” she shouted. “The next one to bother me better tell me where the umbreon is, or I’ll blast them right off the ferry!”

    “O-oh yeah?” This time, a pale ninetales stepped forth. She trembled a little, but kept her face fierce. “Try me, then!”

    “Wha…” Cheri blinked. ”Uh, I mean... fine by me! Let this be an example of what happens when you don’t cooperate with a guard!”

    The latias drew a deep breath, gathered a heap of draconic energy before her jaws and let it fly right at the ice type.

    The crowd gasped and retreated, but the ninetales stood still to the very end when the blast made contact with her face - and after it, completely unharmed, no trace of the attack.

    “Wh-h… how?” Cheri bumbled, eyes wide.

    “Because I...” The ninetales stood tall. “I’m a fairy! And I’m not afraid to admit it to a bully like you!”

    “Wh-WHAT?” the latias screamed. She cowered back, as if she’d seen Kyurem himself. “N-no, fairies don’t exist! They only exist in… f-fairytales!”

    “You’re wrong! We do exist! A-and that means… you dragons aren’t as invincible as you think!”

    “M-me too!” A granbull shouted, raising his paw. “I’m not a normal type! I’m a fairy! Full-blooded!”

    A suitcase of a druddigon nearby began to rumble, then it opened, a tiny green-and-white creature with a red flower peeking out. “Same here!” it peeped. “I’m a fairy, and I should have the right to live like any citizen! I shouldn’t have to be smuggled by someone else to get around!”

    “Dude, shut up!” the druddigon hissed through his teeth, eyeing the clauncher standing on the edge of the deck. “The captain’s right there!”

    The weavile stroked his chin, then spoke up again. “So, let’s sum it all up! This latias here is supposed to be in one of the highest positions in the Guard, and the things she’s done include…” He pointed to the broken bridge. “Property damage!” He gestured to the pale ninetales. “Attackin’ a civilian!” He spun his paw around. “And insultin’ all non-dragon citizens of her kingdom! Does that seem like someone you want to enforce the law?”

    “No!” shouted all the ones that had spoken before. “N-no!” shouted a few more.

    “Ask the one next to you!” the weavile yelled. Another wave of whispers came. He turned to a hydreigon on his right. “Dragon! Do you side with the latias? Or do you side with these honest, hard-workin’ mon?”

    The hydreigon trembled, cowering under Cheri’s glare. His secondary heads grit their teeth. “I-I...”

    “Don’t let her bully you into silence!” the weavile pressed. “Answer as your heart truly believes!”

    “Um, I d-don’t really know what’s going on...”

    “Well, do you think non-dragons are worse than dragons?”

    “N-no!”

    “Do you think the mon who think so should be runnin’ a kingdom?”

    The hydreigon looked away from the latias. “They p-probably shouldn’t, to be honest!”

    The weavile stood on his toes. “How about the rest of you dragons on board? Do you agree with the latias’ form of policing?”

    Scales rattled loudly as an elderly kommo-o shook her fist in the air. “I don’t! A dragon is supposed to act with honor and respect! Not like this little brat!”

    “Brat?” Cheri snapped.

    “You are a shame to all dragons, young lady! I demand you apologize to all of these fine mon!”

    “Never!”

    The kommo-o punched her fists together, creating a clang that echoed across the ship. “Then we will make you sorry!”

    The weavile grinned. “What a great idea! Let’s bring her down!”

    “Yeah!” yelled the crowd - or, sufficiently many in it did, creating that illusion.

    Cheri raised her hands. “Hey, you’re not actually thinking of --”

    A beam of freezing light shooting past her, barely missing, answered her question.

    ---

    The door to the sickbay opened. Doris turned around, her face brightening as she recognized the one to enter.

    “Keith!” She rushed to the umbreon with the bag between his jaws and closed the door behind him. “Are you okay?”

    Keith set down the bag and licked his lips a few times to get rid of the leather’s taste. “Yeah, I’m okay. Is Rog?”

    “The patient is making a fine recovery,” announced the floatzel, sitting in a chair by the desk with a book in his paws. “I recommend that he stays indoors for the rest of the night, however.”

    Just then, the dragonite coughed.

    “Oh, he’s coming to,” the floatzel remarked.

    “Rog!” Doris went to sit beside the waking blanket-wrapped dragonite on the bed he lay on. “How do you feel?”

    “Gruhh… o-kay.”

    A low boom came from outside, accompanied by a purple flash.

    Rog gave the window a stressed a stressed stare. “Hrmm…”

    Doris’ eyes widened. “Keith, the latias didn't see you come in, did she?”

    Keith shook his head, and the goodra sighed in relief.

    “Even if she did,” Keith added, “she seems pretty preoccupied with what's going on out there.”

    “I heard some of it,” Doris said. “The mon, are they really…?”

    Keith nodded, smiling. Doris smiled back, as widely as a goodra can.

    “Hm?” Rog tilted his head.

    “Oh, Rog…” Doris brought her paws together. Tears of slime gathered up in her eyes. “They’re finally doing it… they're rising up!”

    “R-ruh!”

    “Yeah! We did it!” she laughed, lunging into Rog for a hug. The floatzel wrinkled his muzzle, unsure if exposure to goodra slime was good for a recovering patient.

    Keith’s ears picked up the slightest of sighs from Doris.

    “Doris, you should be out there,” he said. “I can keep Rog company while I watch the Plate.”

    Doris looked at Keith, then at Rog. Rog nodded.

    The goodra squeezed him again. “Thank you!” she chimed and hurried out.

    Keith moved the bag to the edge of the bed and cautiously climbed on top of Rog’s lower body. As the dragonite seemed only pleased to have a leg warmer, the umbreon lay down and made himself comfortable.

    ---

    “Hey, cut that out! That’s not fair!” yelled the mareep, twisting her head around to keep up with the repeatedly disappearing and reappearing latias.

    “Oh - yeah? Well - make - me!” taunted Cheri inbetween warps, dodging several attacks bounding from the crowd.

    “Guess we gotta find some way,” muttered the weavile, rubbing his chin.

    “Hey, weavile?”

    The weavile turned his head to see a haxorus in a winter coat approaching.

    “I’m Ared. One of the Plate thieves.” The haxorus offered his hand. “Big fan of what you’ve done here. What’s your name?”

    The weavile took Ared’s hand and shook it. The chill of his claws made Ared shiver.

    “Not a fan of givin’ out my name,” the weavile said, “but for the time bein’, you can call me Vic. Not my real one, but still more personal than just ‘weavile’.”

    He lowered his claws and followed Cheri with his eyes. “Got any ideas for takin’ her down?”

    Ared scratched his jaw. “Could some psychics hold her in place?”

    “We’re already trying,” interjected a gardevoir next to them, “but she won’t hold still long enough for us to focus!”

    “You? Plural?” asked Vic.

    The gardevoir nodded. “We’re talking telepathically.”

    “How long do you need her to stay in place?” asked Ared.

    “Uhh… two seconds, maybe? Three at worst.”

    “I see...” Ared flicked his tail. “So we need something that can hit her and throw her off her teleportation streak for a couple of seconds.”

    “Yup,” said Vic. He looked at the gardevoir, apprehensive. “Hey, I’m not... botherin’ your telepathy too much with my presence, am I?”

    “No, not at that distance. But thanks for asking.”

    “Ared!” shouted someone.

    Ared turned to the voice and saw a familiar goodra coming his way. “Doris! Is Rog okay?”

    “Recovering, yeah. Keith’s looking after him. And the Plate.” Doris looked around and rubbed her paws together. “So, we rising up?”

    “Trying to, but the damn latias won’t stay in place,” replied Vic. “You one of the Plate thieves?”

    “Yep! You one of the riser-uppers?”

    “Please, he basically started it,” remarked Ared. “His name’s Vic.”

    Doris clapped her paws. “Oh, thank you so much for your work --”

    Vic raised his claws. “We can get to know each other later. For now, we’re tryin’ to think of a way to get the latias to stay in place for a couple of seconds so the psychics can trap her. Then we can basically do whatever we want. Current plan is turning her into an iceberg and leave her floating in the sea.”

    “Haha, nice,” Doris snorted.

    “So I’m guessing we can’t use any wide coverage attack,” said Ared, “since that would just hit our own people, too… but precision attacks aren’t fast enough.”

    “Well… how about a homing attack?” suggested Doris.

    “Where are you gonna find one of those that’s fast enough?”

    “Right there.”

    The mareep stared at the Doris' leather covered paw pointing at her, dumbfounded.

    “Me?” she bleated.

    The two ampharos behind the mareep hugged her protectively. “No way!” said one of them, the father. “You're not getting our daughter into any more trouble!”

    “Well, does either one of you want to help instead?” asked Doris. “We need lightning. It's faster than almost everything and it homes in on its target.”

    “Find someone else!” spat the mother.

    Vic scanned the crowd. “It doesn't seem like we have any other electric types on board.”

    “Someone could still know how to harness electricity,” said Ared, “even if they don't have the type. Should we ask around?”

    “Wait! I'll do it!”

    The mareep squirmed out of her parents’ hold and hopped closer. “I wanna help!”

    “Bridget, no!” cried her mother, but the mareep raised a hoof.

    “Mom, this is how we can show how brave we are!” Bridget said. “Grandpa's always saying how sick he is of everyone thinking of the mareep family as cowardly and meek!”

    “Honey, it's a sweet thought, but your grandfather is completely nuts. He once put on a mightyena pelt and tried to infiltrate a feral pack. You shouldn't listen to what he says!”

    “But Mom, they only need me for one little shock! That's all it takes to save the day! Don't you want the day to be saved?”

    Doris stepped closer. “Sir, ma’am, you have my word that your daughter will be safe. We’ll have everyone we’ve got covering her back. The latias won’t know what hit her.”

    “Absolutely not,” hissed the mother and pulled Bridget back into her embrace. “Hank, let them hear --”

    “I’ll do it,” the father said.

    “What? No!”

    “If it’ll defuse the situation and keep my daughter safe, I’ll do it!” he proclaimed, fists clenched and eyes determined. “Just tell me what to do.”

    “Yay, Dad!” Bridget nuzzled his father’s side. “You’re so cool!”

    “You just want her to like you better, don’t you!” grumbled the mother.

    Hank did not react. “Just tell me what to do,” he said, looking to the dragons and weavile.

    “Well, I do have a plan,” said Doris, glancing above to make sure the latias was far enough away. “Here’s what we could do...”

    ---

    What are they up to…? No one’s tried to attack me in a while...

    Cheri's view of the ferry changed angles repeatedly as she continued to warp here and there.

    I'm getting sick of this. But it's not like I can stop. If I stay still for longer than a second, someone in the crowd might blast me. She grimaced. Dammit! I can't keep track of this many mon. I should have backup for stuff like this! And I still haven't spotted the umbreon anywhere! Where is it hiding?

    She noticed motion in the crowd, more than there was before. Oh, they're definitely doing something… I need to be careful. But as long as I've got my awesome psychic powers and speed, I should be just --

    “Hup!” shouted someone. A yellow mass flung upwards from the crowd, considerably high - higher than even Cheri.

    What the hell is that? Cheri squinted, but her rapidly changing vision made it too difficult to identify. I better quicken up my pa-

    Arcs of electricity danced around the mass.

    Oh crap! Quick, warp aw-

    But in the blink of an eye, a bolt reached her. She screeched as it drenched her in flesh-frying currents --

    Wait, this isn't… strong at all?

    Her screech cut as quickly as it started. And it's over already? That was like the zap from a metal door handle! What a joke!

    “Aaaghh!” screamed the yellow mass as it began its downward descent, having reached the peak of its trajectory. The panicking didn't quite stop even after the creature was safely caught by a passing staraptor and brought back to the ferry.

    Cheri snorted. Okay, that was weird… but I guess I'll just go back to teleporting. Here we --

    But the view didn't change.

    Uhh…

    She tried again, but the blue flash she’d see with each warp brought nothing new.

    Her heart thumped faster. D-did it… break… somehow? Did I fill a quota for the day? Why can't I teleport?

    You know what, doesn't matter, I need to get moving! I'll just fly like usual!

    She withdrew the psychic energy coating her and tried to move - but she stayed in place, and her blue glow didn't leave. What?

    “We've got her!” shouted a mon in the crowd - a gardevoir. Cheri gawked at her blue aura, then glanced around and saw a few others with the same coating of light.

    “Hey, what the hell?” the latias snapped, flailing helplessly in place. “Let me go!”

    A jynx chucked. “Oh, honey… you really didn't learn any dark type techniques to bust you out of that hold?”

    “I'm not gonna learn any murk-type moves!” Cheri growled. “You wanna keep me in place? Fine! Let's see how you like my attacks!”

    “Defenders! In position!” called the weavile, and more crowd-shuffling commenced.

    Cheri charged up a draconic blast and let it fly right at the weavile, but an azumarill slid in front of the attack before it could connect. The attack dissipated, no harm done to the water type.

    Cheri gasped. N-no! Those pudgy blue ones have fairy blood as well? J-just how many here are fairies? Fairies aren’t even supposed to exist! This has to be some kind of trick!

    Her teeth chattered. What can I do? If I use a dragon attack, a fairy will block it, and if I use a psychic attack, a murkie will block it! A-and I don't know any other types of moves! This is bad!

    Wait! she gasped. There's no way they can block an attack if it’s wide enough to cover the whole crowd!

    She closed her eyes to focus. Come on… I need to make this strong so it’ll still pack a punch despite being so spread out…

    The space before her twisted slightly, then more and more strongly. It began to glow with rosy light, and its shape started to flatten.

    A smile crept on the latias’ face. Yeah, this is strong alright! This'll show them nicely what you get for messing with a lati! Just a little bit more…

    ---

    “Hey, she's trying something!” whispered Ared, eyeing the strange blanket of warped light and air taking form before the latias.

    “Doesn't matter!” said Vic, a ball of freezing cyan light between his claws. “Our ice will go right through!”

    “Will it, though?” Ared asked. “She is a lati, and we don't know what kind of move she's pulling. Worst case scenario, it'll reflect!”

    Vic snarled. “Well, it's not like anyone can try a dark type attack, that would break our own hold of her!”

    “Not if you fire right as it hits!”

    Ared, Doris and Vic all glanced behind them.

    “Keith? What are you doing here?” hissed Doris at the umbreon. “You’re supposed to be guarding Rog and the Plate!”

    But Keith didn’t appear to be listening - he swiveled his head side to side, looking for something. “Where’s the mon that threw that ampharos from before?”

    Vic kept glancing between the umbreon behind him and the latias in the sky. “What are you --”

    “There! That’s the one, right?” Keith ran up to a machoke a little away from them. “Hey, you need to throw me at that latias!”

    Doris’ eyes widened, and she rushed to the umbreon. “Keith, no! What are you talking about?”

    Keith looked deep into Doris’ eyes. The determination in his red irises caught her by surprise.

    “If you throw me at her and then fire right as I hit her, she won’t have time to move away!”

    “But the blast will hit you, too! You’ll be frozen solid!”

    “I’ll be fine! I’m a mammal! I’m… I’m not a dragon!” Keith prodded at the machoke with his snout. “Come on!”

    Confused but sufficiently pressured, the mon picked him up in her burly arms. “A-at the latias?”

    The umbreon nodded. The machoke changed her hold to one more suitable for throwing.

    “Keith, this is cra-” tried Doris, but a shout from Vic cut her off.

    “She’s craning back! We have no choice!”

    “Throw me now!” yelled Keith.

    The machoke leaped back. She ran forwards. With a powerful thrust, she hurled the umbreon at the latias. “Hup!”

    “Keith!” shouted Doris. And Ared. And Rog from the window of sickbay.

    Vic and Keith yelled a different word.

    “Fire!”

    ---

    It’s finished! It’s finished! thought Cheri, a mad grin splitting her snout. And so are they, once I let this baby fly!

    She craned back her head, ready to fire, but stopped at the sight of a strange, cyan glow from the crowd. ...What’s that?

    She shook the thought. Nah, doesn’t matter! This attack will disrupt all of them, anyw-

    “Hup!”

    “Keith!”

    “Fire!”

    What the --

    She didn’t have much room for thought. Between the surge of the crowd’s glow and the grimacing umbreon rapidly approaching her, her brain was fully occupied.

    The umbreon crashed right through her pane-like attack, shattering it, and collided with the latias’ chest next. The impact squeezed the air out of her lungs - but it also pushed her body back, causing her to realize her telekinetic prison had now been broken.

    Hah, idiots! she thought. Now I can move ag-

    The air around her plummeted in temperature. A tempest of icy light had broken free of the crowd, headed right for her and the pesky furball.

    With the few cells in her brain still capable of sapient thought, she produced an exclamation.

    “OH, KYUREM’S CLOA-”

    ---

    Tick. Tick. Tick.

    Crack!


    A wave of gasps passed over the crowd. The thumping of their hearts was nearly audible.

    But Vic sighed in relief. His claws had cracked the giant chunk of ice right where they needed to - exactly between the latias and umbreon trapped within.

    “Okay, everyone, stand back!” ordered Ared. “Save for the ice types - you stay. And why not the dark types and fairies, actually. You may be needed in neutralizing attacks.”

    The crowd shuffled, mons of the three mentioned types staying in or coming to the front and the rest receding.

    Vic exchanged glances with the two fighting types positioned at both ends of the ice - the elderly kommo-o and the machoke - and hopped off the chunk onto the ferry’s wooden floor.

    “Alright, now slowly pull them apart on my command,” Vic said, preparing a sphere of icy air between his claws. “And stop right away if I say so. We don’t wanna accidentally break off a paw if it’s stuck to the other half. Okay, ready?”

    The two fighters nodded.

    “Pull,” said Vic.

    The air was filled with a loud scraping as the two halves of the ice slowly separated along the ferry’s floor. The clauncher captain was not happy about the noise, having witnessed enough damage done to his liner for the day.

    The fighters remained vigilant for any call to stop, but none came. Instead, the first words to break the silence were a polite ‘thank you’ from Vic. The halves had been pulled far enough apart for him to fire his attack at Cheri’s half, covering her exposed side with more ice to safely seal her in.

    “Alright, that’s good,” he said, swiping his paws clean of excess frost. “Everyone, the latias is in the iceberg!”

    “Yeah!” cheered the crowd, some mon even clapping.

    The psychic mon at the side of the ice had received their cue, and so a pale blue coating covered the latias’ chunk. Slowly, the mass began to rise, then slide away from the ferry. It lowered onto the sea’s waves and finally, it came free, bobbing up and down with powerful ripples around it.

    “Good riddance,” snorted Ared, eyes on the frozen latias, but a tap at his shoulder shifted his attention.

    “Don’t celebrate yet,” said Doris and gestured to the ice still on board. “We gotta get Keith out of that.”

    “Right!” He hurried to the icy umbreon and the few fire types and dragons gathered around it, already blowing hot air on the chunk.

    As Ared joined the effort, Bella watched nervously. She’d been fetched from the carriage a little prior, as the dragons assumed she’d want to see how Keith was doing.

    “M-make sure not to make the air too hot,” the altaria said. “You don’t wanna burn him.”

    Eventually, Keith was wedged free of the ice. He’d started breathing, but his eyes still remained closed from when he’d squeezed them shut for the impact. A charizard volunteered to carry the cold umbreon, and he headed for the sickbay along with Bella and Ared.

    “So,” started Vic after the mon had left, “Doris, was it?”

    Snapped out of her thoughts, Doris turned to the weavile. “Hm? Yeah, I’m Doris. Thanks so much for what you did, by the way.”

    Vic waved a paw. “No biggie, I’m always down for some disrespectin’ of authority. But I gotta ask… what exactly are you folks plannin’ to do with the Plate? Why’d you steal it?”

    “I’d like to know, too,” said the old kommo-o, stepping forth. “I don’t wanna help any bad-intentioned mon, you know.”

    Mumbles came from the crowd, suggesting curiosity there as well.

    "Well…" started Doris, "I guess we're not really planning to do anything with the Plate itself. The point was just to steal it, to make people lose respect for the King. I mean… does the Plate actually even do anything?"

    The crowd muttered. Shrugs could be seen.

    "I guessin' it's just a status symbol," said Vic. "Like crown jewels or so."

    "Yeah… what would we even do with it…?" Doris pondered.

    She noticed a haxorus descending from the deck via the rope bridge that was still intact. It was Ared, and he carried the bag with the Plate.

    "Hey y'all," he said, arriving by Doris' side. "Keith seems to be recovering just fine, says the floatzel. Thought he was just a lifeguard, but I guess he doubles as a medic."

    "That's good," replied Doris. "Hey, did we have any plans for what to do with the Plate?"

    "I… don't think so," said Ared. "Bella said stealing it would destabilize the Kingdom and make people lose faith in the current ruler. But she didn't say anything about what we should do after that."

    "I guess Keith's the one that actually wanted the Plate itself, so that he could evolve into a dragon. But that ship kind of sailed…"

    Ared scratched his chin. "We can't exactly sell it. Way too trackable."

    Doris nodded. "But I don't think we can, like, keep defending it forever, either. We're just four dragons."

    Ared dug into the bag and produced the Plate. It glimmered in beautiful colors, emitting a draconic aura… but aside from that, it seemed just like any ordinary plate.

    Doris turned to the crowd. "What we wanted was an uprising," she declared. "What we didn't expect was for the non-dragons to be the key. Thank you all for proving we don't need to put up with bad mon in power!"

    She raised her fist, and the crowd cheered. Her lips formed a smile impossible to suppress.

    "We did it…" she sighed.

    Ared smiled, too. In a few seconds, however, his expression changed to a contemplative one.

    "Hey…" he began, "there was that one thing we talked about doing with the Plate…"

    "Hm?" Doris raised her brow. "Wait, you mean…"

    "The thing I said as a joke, yeah," Ared said. "Only… could it really be…"

    Doris held her chin. Then, she laughed.

    "Yeah. Let's do it!"

    ---

    The umbreon's eyes shot open, wide as plates.

    "You threw it away?" he screamed.

    "Y-yeah," said Doris. "I mean, it seemed like the smartest thing to do. Mon can be threatened and tracked, but the ocean is unrelenting and vast. Plus, it's gonna be a real pain in the neck for the Guard to try and get it back."

    "B-but… we worked so hard to get it…" Keith whimpered, shrinking on the bed of the sickbay.

    Bella put a wing around Keith's body, which had warmed up to a healthy temperature during his rest. "You should've consulted us first," she grumbled. "We'd probably have agreed anyway, just with less heartbreak."

    Rog merely chuckled.

    Ared crossed his arms. "Well, someone on board could've snagged the Plate while Keith was out and we were sleeping."

    He felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned his head to face Doris.

    The goodra pouted, staring into the haxorus' eyes. "Don't you have something to say?"

    Ared wrinkled his snout and snorted.

    "Come on, he deserves to hear it," Doris continued.

    "Mrrh… fine," Ared growled. He looked away, avoiding Keith's eyes especially.

    "I'm sorry for being hard on you, Keith," he muttered. "What you did back there was really cool and respectable."

    “Oh. Umm… thanks,” replied Keith. “Are we… friends now?”

    Ared squeezed his eyes shut and scowled.

    Rog snorted.

    “Anyway,” started Bella, “what’s important that we all made it out okay. Right now, I think it’s high time we get some breakfast, huh?”

    That caught Ared’s attention fully. “I’ll go get the meat!” he said, rushing out. “We’ll meet at the cooking spot!”

    “I hope he doesn’t get the mareep,” mumbled Doris. “That’s gonna get us weird looks from the ampharos family...”

    ---

    Ared did get the mareep meat, and the group did receive weird looks from the ampharos. The electric types were sitting two tables away in the deck’s dining area, hay and vegetables on their plates.

    “It’s feral!” Ared exclaimed in response to one glance. Their glowers still didn’t relent.

    “Just ignore them,” said Doris. “It’s only culture shock.”

    Rog chuckled quietly. “Shock...”

    Keith was too engaged with eating to react. Soon the others fell into a silence of culinary appreciation as well. Once breakfast was over, the dragons retreated to the carriage - except for Bella, who wished to stay a bit longer on deck. Keith decided to keep her company, and the two walked to the edge to watch the sea and the early sun.

    “You sure you’re not cold?” asked Bella.

    “I’m sure,” Keith replied, free of worry. “I’ve got my coat of fur.”

    "Alright, then…"

    They spent a moment only studying the white-fringed waves. Wild wingull cawed above. It seemed that they were close to shore.

    "Hey, Keith?" asked Bella.

    "What is it?"

    "This is weird, but can I pet you?"

    "Oh, yeah, go ahead!"

    "Because I feel like this is gonna be the last time we'll see each other in a while…"

    Keith's smiled faded at Bella's pensive expression.

    He soon managed to return it, however. "Don't worry, you can always come see me! Especially you, you know. Pelton has kind of a… dragon-phobia thing like I told you, but you can totally pass as just normal and flying. Maybe even fairy and flying, or maybe even pure flying! You're very cloud-y, you know."

    Bella smiled. "Thanks, Keith. I'll definitely visit."

    Keith pushed his head underneath Bella's wing. "Now, pet me!"

    “Heh, alright...”

    She scratched his head as best as she could with a wing covered in fluffy feathers. He purred in response. The pitch was now lower in his umbreon form - and so was his voice, now that Keith thought about it.

    "Hey, hold on," said Bella. "There's something here."

    "Huh? What do you mean?"

    She kept rubbing one spot on his head in particular. Then another, on the other side. That does feel kinda weird, thought Keith. He winced. Gods, I hope they're not some kind of mites!

    "They're, like, hard…?" She craned in for a closer look, then gently pecked at the spots. "Yeah, they're small, yellow and hard. Do umbreon usually have these?"

    Keith tried his head with his own paws, feeling the hard bumps himself. "I… don't think so? These weren't here before, either."

    "Really weird…" mumbled Bella. "They're kinda like… horns."

    Horns…?

    Keith's eyes widened.

    "They're… dragon horns," he breathed.

    "What? How so?"

    "B-back at Pelton, the drampa who told me about the Plate… he said the Plate was able to give dragon-like qualities to the mon around it. I thought it was evolution, but, but… i-it's gradual, instead!"

    Bella gasped. "R-really?"

    "Yeah!" Keith laughed, barely believing what was happening. "This must've happened during the time I was guarding the Plate! I mean, I slept right next to it! You all were already dragons, so nothing changed, but I…"

    He turned around, glancing frantically in each direction. "Mirror! I need a mirror!"

    His gaze finally set on the pocket mirror in the hand of a jynx applying her lipstick.

    “Ma’am! I need that!” he cried, rushing for the jynx. Startled, she dropped the mirror - but Keith dove for it in time, catching it in his paws.

    Immediately, he checked the crown of his head. Indeed, there were two small, bony bumps, symmetrically placed. He dropped the mirror - which was caught this time by Bella - and began leaping all over the deck, vigorously wagging tail almost throwing him off balance every now and then.

    “I’m a dragon, I’m a dragon!” he yelled, laughing near hysterically. “The Plate made me a dragon!”

    He froze in place.

    “The Plate!” he screeched, and ran for the edge of the deck.

    Bella flinched and dashed after him. “Keith, no! It’s long gone!”

    Keith ignored her, clambering over the fence.

    “Keith!” Bella screamed, attempting to seize the umbreon in her wings, but she was too late. He’d already jumped.

    “Lifeguard! Mon overboard!” she yelled, rushing for the sickbay.

    Keith broke the sea’s surface with a splash. Despite the cold water, he wasn’t discouraged one bit. He kept paddling and paddling, a dopey grin on his face and certain words repeatedly leaving his mouth.

    “I’m gonna be a dragon!”

    ---

    END

    Thank you all for reading and for your support!

    ---​
     
  3. NebulaDreams

    NebulaDreams A Dense Irritating Miniature Beast of Burden

    Okay, so I didn't bother to comment on chapter 5 last time since I wanted to group my thoughts together for the finale, seeing how it was essentially a pre-climax chapter. I also went back and read the whole thing from the start, since I wanted to give my overall thoughts on the story as well as the finale, which I'll cover first.

    Chapters 5 and 6 worked really well together. I really felt for Keith when he ended up evolving into an Umbreon instead of his dragon form, and that event ended up being the best of both worlds, really. I sort of knew he wasn't going to evolve into a dragon, but the way it happened was surprising, and made all the more tragic for him when he realised he came so close, yet so far to finding out if a dragon Eeveelution existed. Of course, that gave leeway for him and Bella to give Cheri the slip up, and the way it was handled made for quite a tense escape scene. I also thought the way she tended to Keith after seeing he evolved into the wrong form was sweet of her, and it really just went to show how much of a bond they developed throughout the course of the story.

    I know you were struggling to finish the story, and that kind of shows during the latter half of chapter 5 when it goes into summary mode. It wasn't bad or anything and made sure things progressed naturally into the real climactic showdown for chapter 6, but the change in pacing was pretty noticeable. Still, that led into the final showdown with Cheri. In chapter 4, I was a little disappointed that the break into the chamber wasn't that eventful, but this fight with her more than made up for that. It was exciting, funny in places with all the different bystanders caught in the situation (the offended Mareep got quite a big chuckle out of me), and awesome as well. It was great to see the different passengers coming together to help the rest of the team with the fight, showing how much the opinion of the Hydreigon king has soured as well as rising up against the dragon/non-dragon type divide. It was especially great to see Keith help out in this final battle even as he's just figuring out his powers, showing how far he's come since his previous form as a dragon-obsessed Eevee.

    Of course, that doesn't stop him from getting what he wants, and him growing his precious dragon horns in the end was a nice reward after all the heartache of turning into an Umbreon. That ending put a big smile on my face.

    Now, for my overall thoughts on Dragony: this is some great stuff. All of the characters, even the side characters, work really well here (helped by the snappy dialogue), and it was nice to get an extended look into your PMD universe, seeing how there might be some connection with Pletora's Story. While that one felt a bit more isolated, most of it taking place in the wild as well as the guild, this one feels much more grand in scale with all the locations Keith visits and the colourful characters he meets. This made for some great worldbuilding, as it gives enough to show how the current setting works while also hinting enough at its past events to make for a rich-sounding history. Keith's arc was well realised throughout the story, and made for a good comedic protagonist while still retaining his likeable qualities, such as the reason he looks up to the dragons as well as wanting to help with the dragon uprising in general.

    The one gripe I have about this story is that the pacing is a bit uneven. Chapters 1-3 have a lot of steady build-up more suited for a longer story while 4-6 are much more fast paced, to the point certain events like the planning, the break-in and the journey back home feel a bit rushed. What happens is good enough that it doesn't completely wreck the flow of the story, but I get the feeling that there's a missing act 2 that should be sandwiched between the first and last third of the story, at least, structurally. This next point isn't so much of a gripe as stuff I would've liked to have seen more, but I think I would've liked to have read about Keith's return to Pelton as well as the aftermath of the Draco Plate being snatched off the corrupt king's claws. The latter was implied through the dialogue of the passengers on the ship, but with the former, it would've been nice to see how Pelton's view of dragons have changed, since their prejudice was constantly brought up by Keith and emphasised in the first chapter. Especially since he's turned into somewhat of a dragon himself, I can only imagine what the reactions will be of his friends and family back home. That being said, I think it ended on the perfect note with Keith swimming after the Draco Plate, and any more probably would've dragged the ending on a bit too long.

    In any case, it's been a blast reading this, so thanks for sticking through to the end, and as usual, I look forward to reading your future works.
     
    canisaries likes this.
  4. Namohysip

    Namohysip Dragon Enthusiast

    And so the conclusion has come! I will say that, overall, this chapter was a bit more well-composed than the last one, at least in terms of being able to follow what's going on. But there were a few quirks about it that I find myself tilting my head at--not because it was bad, but because of how surprising it was to see.


    The main thing that stood out here was the fact that we had a lot of seemingly new characters showing up all at once, most of them unnamed but still playing pivotal roles in the actual revolution arc, or at least the spark of one. I get that it wouldn't make sense for all these guys to show up and get named in earlier chapters, due to the location, but it was still a bit surprising to see so many eleventh-hour arrivals.


    Anyway, let's get to quotes before I get some overall thoughts in!



    Do they really have time to be discussing this? Feels like they were in a bit of a rush beforehand.



    Ahh, the winds of change...



    Okay that was a good line.



    Wait is that a--



    It totally is.



    Oh I see where this is going. So, this is actually a really interesting bit of world building we have here--that the Fairy Type has been kept as a sort of secret from Dragons so they didn't endanger themselves, in a way. That's a pretty interesting take, and also a good edge to bring revolution to the tyrannical rule of the Dragons. I think it was a good call to have fellow Dragons feel the same way, too. (Also, I particularly enjoyed the little flashes of other peoples' stories, a Druddigon smuggling his Fairy friend, etc.)



    This guy in particular. He feels like a main character from another story.



    I'm going to find a way to use this somehow.



    God I love Rog.



    And nothing has changed.


    --


    So. This was a wild ride. I think your chapters were very strong except for the fifth one, where you definitely bumbled a bit in trying to get to this chapter, where the climactic battle and uprising had to happen. I think you did pretty well in actually depicting what happened and giving enough threads to sort of tie together what might happen next when the story's over. I'm a bit curious how Keith's parents will react to him being part-Dragon, though, or if Keith will do something crazy like enlist his Vaporeon buddy to try to find the Plate again.


    I'm usually not a fan of open endings, but I don't think this quite counts as one. Keith got what he wanted, and sure, he wants more, but that's Keith. Everything else that happened in the background--that's not really Keith's story. That, perhaps, can be for later.


    I think you did well to keep to the tone of a comedy while still giving a story that I could take seriously. I really like this tone that you have going on for your PMD-related works! I have a feeling that the "long" work you plan on making is probably going to be on the darker side, but--just saying, I really like this style you have going on here.


    Anyway, thanks for the ride. I really enjoyed it.
     
    canisaries and NebulaDreams like this.
  5. canisaries

    canisaries sometimes i get a deadache, yeah

    (x-posting response here from Bulba because others might be interested in some content)

    Well, both of them were ordered to stay in the carriage and essentially do nothing, so they weren't really in a rush anymore.

    thank goodness because i almost removed it for how cheesy it was

    Yeah, the fifth one is definitely the weakest. I think I may have made a poor call in splitting the "final chapter" before I actually finished the whole thing, since chapter 6 definitely had material to spare. Also, I'm not really sure if the shadow-sinking mechanic was a worth keeping in - it had a different role back when I wrote in the foreshadowing HAHAHA with the guard all the way back in chapter 1. I do want to keep the bonding between Bella and Keith as well as keep Bella out of the final battle for simplicity's sake (I don't know how you manage to write so many battles and with so many characters, I was really struggling), but I wonder if there could be a better way that didn't include such a huge tangent that ultimately doesn't even come into play in the climax.

    I did have plans for the final scene to kind of take place in Pelton instead, with Keith getting Ared to scare his bullies and only then finding out about the horns - but it really felt like it would've stretched the story even longer, and it was already running well on overtime compared to the original plan, plus Keith going so long without noticing the weird tumors in his skull wouldn't be very believable. Lastly, the image of Keith jumping in the water to desperately paddle for the long-gone Plate was a scenario I really wanted to keep.

    I'm glad you enjoyed! While I started to get tired by the end, I really enjoyed writing the beginning, the world and the characters. No current plans for other stories to include these characters, but I'd say there's potential if I think of any. And I may come back to this story some time in the future, once I've recovered from the burnout, and revise it into a better shape now that I have a full, intact plot on my hands. One thing I'd certainly do is make the beginning more concise and meaningful, as in its current state it has a lot of fluff that, while entertaining to me, doesn't serve much of a bigger purpose. Maybe find a way to include some of those eleventh-hour arrivals so that they're not so ex-machina? With how loose the story is, I should fit in at least one. It'd probably be Vic.
     

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