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Salvage

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Negrek, Nov 1, 2012.

  1. Starlight Aurate

    Starlight Aurate Just a fallen star

    Mmmm ocean very much smells like home to me ^_^

    lol I love how excited he is to see something so dangerous and morbid.

    Wow. I see that Celebi really messed with Mewtwo's self-esteem. His motivation and typical self-righteous fury is gone.

    Maybe it's just me or the way I'm reading it, but I'm a bit confused. A needle shoved up in one corner of the house? And like a sewing needle or a syringe?

    Side note, I really like how you describe Pyrite Town as a whole, especially the house that Hypno and the protagonist enter into. You really nail the creepy, not-quite-right atmosphere.

    Mmmm this is feeling more and more like a trap to me.

    I always forget that Heracross--and probs most bug Pokemon, tbh--can fly. I know it's based off a beetle but flight isn't what I immediately associate beetles with, heh.

    How on earth does that Heracross still have some of her pop left? Was she not able to finish a can in one day? She was certainly sipping it obnoxiously an awful lot earlier.

    Any reason for the asterisk at the beginning? And that this is in quotations instead of italics?

    Not too much else to say on this chapter. It overall felt quiet and rather calm. I liked it, and the Three Musketeers are easy to warm up to :) I wonder what Mewtwo's "leads" are, and where it'll all go from this. Excited to find out, and good luck! :)
     
  2. Negrek

    Negrek Lost but Seeking

    Hey @Starlight Aurate! Thanks a lot for reviewing this chapter. It is a pretty quiet one, but I'm glad you liked the Three Musketeers. They've been a lot of fun to write so far, and I'm excited to get to explore them more in future chapters.

    Still having trouble separating TV from real life, heh. It's been a disillusioning journey so far, but the child is still always hoping to have an adventure like the ones it sees in movies and has a false sense of invincibility. Orre might be dangerous for someone else, but of course it's special and doesn't have to worry about things that cause trouble for ordinary people...

    He's definitely behaving differently. The child doesn't trust his change of heart, though.

    Syringe

    Thanks! I really wanted to try and capture the atmosphere of Pyrite from the Orre games. It's a really iconic place, imo, and so different from most towns in the pokémon world. I'm glad you think I pulled it off!

    Haha, awww, no, they're really just excited to show the town off to Mewtwo. They would probably be pretty enthusiastic just about hanging out and watching paint dry with Mewtwo. Unfortunately for them they haven't yet gotten a taste of Mewtwo's real personality; they just know him by reputation.

    It's funny, Heracross is one of the few terrestrial bug-types that I tend to associate with flight, partially because of its animations in the Orre games! It walks when it's moving in to attack an opponent, but when it gets knocked back by an attack it always picks itself up and flies back to its spot.

    Haha, Heracross normally takes pretty small sips. It's more like a constant small intake than drinking with the intent of finishing off the can. She definitely does go through multiple in a day. I could probably stand to tone down references to her drinkng in this chapter, though.

    It's because I forget to do Mewtwo's dialogue right sometimes, haha. The asterisks indicate that the line should be italic, but here I messed up and ended with a quotation mark instead of another asterisk, so nothing got italicized. Easy fix, thanks for pointing it out!

    Thanks again for the review! I think you said a lot for a fairly quiet chapter, heh. A bit of time to relax before the drama that's sure to come, heh.

    Meanwhile, what I've been working on the most recently is the extra I think I mentioned a couple of times earlier in the thread. It's turning out quite a bit longer than I want, so I'm hoping I can wrestle it down a bit in size, but one way or another I think it should be a fun companion to the main story. This year I really want to work hard at releasing at least one piece of Salvage content per month, so I'm hoping to have that extra out by the end of January. Meanwhile I've been doing a lot of rereading and revising of old chapters recently and working on a pretty substantial restructure of part of the story, and I'm hoping to be able to bring out a new chapter in February and pick up the pace a little from there. We'll see!
     

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