Nerdy McNerdface
Hmph
Hello dear reader! So this completely different to anything I have ever written before, mainly because it's a comedy... and a very sarcastic and satirical one at that.
So, while replaying Pokemon White, I couldn't help but make fun of the game (although I do still love it to itty bitty pieces). The way I poked fun at it mimicked an Abridged series or parody, and I loved it so much that I thought "hey, why don't I write this up?"
So this is gonna be a satirical, insane mess of my random brain farts, with characters having their main traits vastly over-exaggerated, personalities being altered for the sake of comedy, a more sketchy style of writing than long chapters, and leading it all is a snarky main girl who would love to do nothing more than take over the world with her Smugleaf.
I gotta say thank you to parody and Abridged series from talented YouTubers like MattyburritoMB, Something Witty Entertainment and 1KidsEntertainment for inspiring my crazy thoughts.
Rating = T because Abridged series. Swearing, references to death and violence, potential death and violence, all that marvellous stuff.
Pokemon White Abridged
Hilda neatened up her cap, pulling her brown ponytail through the stylish hat's rear and taking a moment to admire herself in the blacked out laptop screen residing on her desk. Today was finally the day she was gonna meet that Smugleaf, and she wasn't gonna let anyone stand in her way. Not even the black-haired teen now standing at the top of her stairs nearly doubled over in exhaustion.
She turned to Cheren casually, ignoring his wheezing, and smiled. "Oh, so you made it. You're early, you know. I probably should've expected you to rush here like Giratina's Houndooms were on your tail half an hour before you were supposed to regardless, but my poor, childish naivety seems to have gotten the better of me."
The boy continued to not respond, probably due to a combination of being incredibly unfit and being entirely done with the sarcastic drone his friend seemed to utter every waking second of the day, so Hilda continued. "I might as well get you some water. Considering the way you sound like you're dying, you probably need it."
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Hilda had been doing nothing but staring at the bleached-white box wrapped with emerald green ribbon on her bedroom table and throwing witty remarks at Cheren for forty minutes now. Something was keeping Bianca, although Hilda wasn't sure what the blondie with roughly five brain cells could possibly be worrying over that would cause her to be delayed. As she thought about the possibilities, she put it down to the ditz losing something of hers.
Her train of thought was set straight off the rails when a voice that reminded Hilda of a distressed cat began echoing up the stairs. "Am I a little late again? Soooooorry!"
The young girl was practically tearing the stairs apart with her shoes as she scrambled up them. Hilda sighed and rolled her eyes at Bianca. "What did you lose this time? Your bag? Your mascara? Your sanity?"
Bianca gave a warm smile and a shrug, secretly implying that she didn't give two craps about the clear distaste in the brunette's voice. "Nah, it was all my clothing. I could've been sure that I knew where I put them, but I completely forgot!"
Hilda facepalmed. "Why was I expecting that as the answer?"
Cheren decided to join in with the conversation. "Bianca, you were ten minutes, thirty four seconds and five hundred and sixty milliseconds late. Try better to not let Hilda and I down next time or I'll have to be subjected to more of her tasteless statements. And as far I have been physically able to see while living in this town, absolutely nobody would choose being subjected to that over taking their vegetable knife and stabbing themselves with it."
Hilda groaned. "That was only one time, K2. Well, it depends if that old guy who could've just slipped while chopping those cucumbers counts."
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Bianca spoke up. "Since the Poke-whatevers were delivered to this house, I think it's only fair that Hilda picks which one she wants first."
Hilda couldn't help but burst out in a wide grin. Finally, her partner in world domination had arrived.
She didn't hesitate to tear the ribbon off the box, cause the lid to collide with the ceiling and rip the Grass Type's ball from where it rested within crimson velvet. The two teens behind her barely questioned it - they knew how Hilda was an extremely brash girl as well as rude and witty.
Bianca chose next, gently letting her hand fly over the two other Poke Balls as though she was selecting one at random (which was presumably what she was doing), before she selected the sphere with a sky-blue tag saying "Oshawott".
Cheren was the last, walking up with a sophisticated aura and not hesitating to pluck out the middle Poke Ball, the one reading "Tepig".
The three kids stared at each other, then their brand new Pokemon. Bianca broke the temporary silence. "Oh my god this is so cool! I really wanna battle with Owa...Asho... Oh-Sha-Wott, yeah, that's how you say it. Yeah! I really want to battle with it! Hilda, could you battle with me?"
Hilda nodded. "I feel liked you ditched the difficult challenge of dealing with the battle obsessee over here, but I still need to see if my soul destroyer- I mean, my partner Pokemon is as cool as I thought. Go, Smugleaf!"
The Poke Ball would've soared into the sky before falling and letting the Pokemon residing within be released, had Hilda first done this outside. As it was, the sphere crashed into the ceiling in a similar way the lid to the box did before her new battle ally was let out.
Cheren shook his head. "Hilda, you do know that this Grass Type you have selected is called Snivy, and not Smugleaf, don't you?"
Hilda nodded. "Of course, smartypants. Doesn't mean I can't give the lord the nickname he rightfully deserves."
Bianca stared in confusion. "Huh?"
Smugleaf stood proudly at Hilda's feet, attempting to stare down his nose at every Pokemon who dared to try and question his regal status. He may not have been directly descended from, well, any lines of royalty, but he still should've been given every ounce of respect the beings around him had to offer. He grimaced at Bianca's clear lack of respect for such a marvellous life force as himself.
Hilda gave a knowing glance in the blonde's direction. "See? He loves the name, and deserves every positive statement you could throw at him. Now, let your Pokemon out, and we'll battle."
Bianca still didn't entirely understand, but didn't have any inclination to care. "Alright. Go, Owashowott!"
The sound of the Poke Ball releasing the Water Otter masked the faint groan emanating from Cheren's side of the room. "Bianca, if you're going to use your Pokemon's proper name, at least take the time and effort to pronounce said name correctly."
Bianca and Hilda couldn't care less. Oshawott formed in front of the girl with the lighter hair, causing her to open her mouth slightly in realisation. "Oh, so that's what it looks like!"
Hilda replied, although no reply was particularly called for or needed. "What?"
Bianca waved an arm her way. "Oh, it's nothing. So, Owa...Shou... f*ck it, I'm calling you Osha. So, Osha! Let's do this!"
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The kids stared at the chaos the two tiny creatures had caused. Paw prints littered the walls and floor (although none of the Pokemon had paws so even Cheren was left stumped as to how they appeared) and Hilda's new bedsheets were creased and knocked clean off her mattress. Hilda was just grateful that neither her WiiU nor her laptop was harmed, or somebody would've really had a problem when they got a face full of teenage fists.
Bianca sighed. "Well, I wasn't expecting that to happen. Sorry, Hilda."
Hilda gave a dry response. "Doesn't matter. Smugleaf successfully beat your Osha down like the prince he is. Guess I'm just a destroyer of worlds."
Cheren heard what Hilda just remarked and frowned. "What?"
Hilda panicked, not realsing how she had accidentally let slip her master plan, and so hastily came up with a replacement phrase. "I mean, uh, great user of words, yes. I said those commands correctly to a T."
Apparently that somehow worked, despite Cheren's mind being the size of a pregnant Wailord, and he shrugged. "Yes, you did do considerably well against Bianca, although that was to be expected thanks to her incapability of managing anything requiring her to be even an eighth as competent as she is now. Anyway, it's my turn to battle you, Hilda."
The brunette flashed a wink. "Yep! And I bet you'll be at least a fraction more of a challenge than Bianca-" she gave a glance to the blonde, who was allowing Osha to snooze inside her hat while she tried to make sense of the moveset tutorial inside her Pokemon Trainer Manual - "and not just because your Fire Type is supposed to be bad for Smugleaf the almighty."
Cheren pushed his glasses up his nose. "Well, it does make logical sense since two Pokemon of similar strength and exactly the same levels would be on even ground were it not for the typing of one being strong against the typing of the other. After all-"
Hilda interrupted his statement. "Yeah yeah yeah, I know, I read the manual, you don't need to repeat the instructions like you're an AI on autopilot. Let's just get this battle underway already."
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Cheren held his chin inside his hand as he observed the loss that was just obtained. "I didn't speculate before the battle that our Pokemon were too weak to use their elemental powers yet, and that led to the battlers relying on brute strength to win. Tepig lost thanks to Smugleaf using Leer on him to lower his defence, before finishing off the battle by using Tackle multiple times in a row. Very interesting."
Hilda began smoothing out her duvet as she placed it back onto her bed. "When you're done with the speculative self-discussion, you could help Bianca and I clear up, you know."
A new female voice pierced the discussion and caused it to dissipate away. "You three don't need to worry about Hilda's room. I can manage it myself, thank you."
Hilda glanced at the stairwell. "Oh, hey mum. Yeah, you can do all this work for us. We have a journey to begin and a..." Hilda groaned. "And a Pokedex to collect."
Bianca looked at Hilda in exasperation. "Are you really still going on about..." she tried to say the word Pokedex, but gave up. "About that?"
Hilda nodded. "Yes, Bianca, and don't think I'll stop anytime soon. Anyway, all three of us should just get up and go now. See you, room, see you mum, see you electronic devices-senpai, I'll see you all again when I can be bothered to catch a Fly HM Slave. Goodbye."
The three starting trainers made their way down the stairs, and Hilda couldn't help but look at the incredibly forced smile on her mum's face. At this point, she could basically read every expression her only living parent could offer, and this one screamed just the message Hilda had been waiting for.
"Please, get the everloving f*ck outta this house."
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The Juniper lab was one that Hilda couldn't help but think was probably owned by a mad scientist. What with all the book spines containing horrific titles such as "The Pidgeys and the Combees", "Covering Your Sinful Tracks" and "My Little Ponyta", Hilda wasn't sure whether Professor Aurea Juniper was a sparkly horse fanatic, a lonely woman wishing for more 'excitement' in her life, a secretly psychopathic researcher or a conspiring villain plotting world domination. Hilda hoped that she wasn't the last one, since the girl herself was gearing up to be that very person.
For now, though, she kept all these thoughts to herself as she moaned once more. "For the last time, I couldn't care less about this stupid flip-phone rip off. You know I can just use Google these days. From what I've researched I've heard most of Unova has great service for my 5c."
Juniper gave a subtle yet noticeable grin. "Well, you won't be able to stay with that Snivy of yours if you don't accept the other half of the deal, now will you?"
Like an extremist social justice warrior on Tumblr whenever their gender is assumed, Hilda was instantly triggered by this simple statement. "You are not taking my precious cinnamon bun away from me." She sulked, but accepted the offer of the pointless electronic device, stuffing it within her bag of infinite space where she hoped it would be lost for all eternity.
With that, the professor stood up with a bright expression on her face, before clasping her hands together in delight. "Right! All of you have your Pokedexes now. It's time for you to set off on your Pokemon journey. Please meet me at Route 1 so I can teach you the best way to catch wild Pokemon."
She led the way out, with Bianca following suit. However, Cheren and Hilda hung behind just a moment. Cheren stared after Juniper. "I already know how to capture a Pokemon. Why does she feel the need to inform me as well as you and Bianca?"
Hilda sighed, but strode out the door alongside Cheren regardless. "I've been watching shows displaying this shoo-dizzle since 2 B a Master started airing when I was practically a fetus. But then again, you never know what the professor of concealed intentions could do to us if we refuse this pointless tutorial. You might just need to accept it if you want to remain innocent, alive and without the My Little Ponyta theme seared into your mind."
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"Hey, hey! Hold it!"
Hilda sighed for what felt like the bajillionth time today as she halted Cheren, leaving the three kids standing together staring out at Route 1. "What is it, Bianca? Did you leave Osha back in my place with mum? Are you stuck on where the exit to town is despite it being an inch from your nose?"
Bianca shook her head, while her hat somehow didn't fall off in the process. "Nope! I was thinking. Since this is the first time we're leaving Nuvema-"
Hilda interrupted. "-And considering this place is about the size of a baby Hobbit that probably means we really need to get a life-"
All that earned her was Bianca giving a cold stare in her direction before the ditz regained control of her sentence. "-I was thinking that we should take the first step onto Route 1 together."
Cheren shrugged. "This course of action seems like an interesting one. I accept your offer."
Hilda couldn't care less, and so she decided to make this fact known. "Really, Bianca? I don't care about the sentimentalities. Let's just get on with moving already so we can emerge from the rock we've lived under since the day we first existed."
The response Hilda earned wasn't exactly in agreement. "Nonono! I want this to be a day to remember, and it'll have more impact if we do it this way."
The group kept bickering, and several metres away, if one stood close enough to the scene and had keen eyes, they would've been able to see Aurea Juniper waiting by the nearest patch of grass, while regretting every one of her life choices at that moment as she waited for them to finally move an inch from where they were arguing.
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When Hilda finally obliged to Bianca's patronising request and the group all took a slow and 'meaningful' step onto Route 1, there was no hesitation once the first foot was put down. The moment the action occurred, Hilda instantly set her other foot down and began running towards the professor purely just to move on with all this stuff she clearly didn't need right now.
Juniper masked all of her anger and impatience with a polite expression as Hilda almost crashed into her, with the other two teens being forced to try and keep up with their brash and active companion. "So, you three are here now! Let me show you how to capture more Pokemon right now."
Hilda began staring off into space as the professor started wading through the grass and trying to find a Pokemon to battle. She began thinking about the good times she'd have with Smugleaf, destroying Gyms, laying the Pokemon league to waste and many other exciting and fun activities awaited her and the miniature lord. Her mind snapped back into the present, however, when the Poke Ball that Juniper had thrown at a wild Patrat clicked to imply a capture.
"And that's how you do it!" Juniper exclaimed. "Were all three of you watching?"
Hilda gave a polite nod. "Yeah, totally."
Bianca merely gave a thumbs up and a wide grin, while Cheren spoke his answer with a blank facial expression and bored tone. "Affirmative."
The mixed responses did nothing to deter the professor's apparent enthusiasm. "Great! You've taken the first step in your Pokemon journey. Meet me by the entrance to Accumula Town's Pokemon centre. I'm sure you three friends will prevail in all that you do!"
As the woman flicked her light brown hair and walked away from the group, casually waving behind her as she did so, Hilda, Cheren and Bianca all shared a a knowing glance at each other. Everyone called them 'friends', but it was more 'kids constantly at each other's throats forced to be together thanks to living in the world's smallest town'. Hilda was surprised that the thought hadn't even occurred to Juniper that the three kinda loved to despise each other.
The glance was cut off by Bianca rushing forward. "Hey! I've got an idea. Why don't we each try to catch as many Pokemon as possible on this route before we reach Accumula? We'll be meeting new friends and filling up the Dokepex. And surely we'll each be able to catch something!"
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Bianca's voice became a whine. "What? How did you catch not a single Pokemon on this Route?"
Hilda failed to crumble at all under Bianca's shocked stare. "Oh, that was probably because I don't care for any of them and so instead of being all friendly with them, I decided I was going to destroy them instead. Just as a stepping stone for the almighty Smugleaf, you know?"
Cheren saved Bianca from having to continue to the topic. "Either way, we have all reached Accumula Town. It seems that this place has some kind of event occurring today - the civilians seem as though they are waiting for something to happen over there."
Hilda glanced at where he pointed. "Yeah, I would think so too considering the bloody massive banners with the big 'P' on them. Anyway, Juniper insisted on us heading to the centre, and I fear to think about what she could punish us with if we refuse."
The trio made their way towards the huge glass building with the red roof which was commonly known as the Pokemon centre. As far as Hilda could remember, that wasn't the actual centre's name - it was really called "The Centre of Pokemon Health, Journey Safety and Parallel Universe Interactions", but nobody could be bothered to utter such a mouthful of a phrase for fear of getting their tongue twisted.
The overly enthusiastic face of Professor Juniper greeted the group. "You made it! Oh, that's brilliant. Come on in now! I need to show you around to make sure you know everything."
Bianca entered without hesitation, and Hilda completely understood - knowing Bianca, she probably really needed the tour - but that didn't stop her and Cheren from sighing as the two followed. From there, Juniper began the tour. "So, the upstairs layer contains the Union Room, a place where you can communicate with trainers from alternate dimensions and see if they wish for a battle or trade. To our right is the Poke Mart - you can buy and sell stuff there, it's that simple. Straight ahead of us is the Nurse of this centre. She'll heal your Pokemon for free, and nothing more."
Cheren looked at Bianca and frowned. "Are you really that surprised by an interdimensional portal that connects several parallel universes together via a single room somewhere in the time-space continuum? Travel between separate realities has been established since approximately six years ago, Bianca."
Bianca was unaware that Cheren had uttered a single word as she continued to gaze up at the higher floor in wonder. "That is... oooh... so cool..."
Hilda interrupted everyone. "Great! Now we know what this building does since we clearly didn't before, I shall now take my leave. See ya!"
Cheren nodded. "I shall now leave this centre as well. I am fascinated by the event that is taking place in this town today."
Thanks to the boy's position, he successfully left first, only to call back to the three females through the door. "By the way everything is looking, it appears that the event has begun. If you wish to see just what it is about, I'd recommend leaving now."
While Hilda decided she might as well leave to go see what was happening (and she wanted to escape the vicinity of the professor as well), Bianca shook her head. "I'm gonna stay here. This intermid- indert- whatever travel looks awesome!"
A sigh could be heard escaping from professor Juniper's lips. "I want to stay hear. I need to catch up on season 2 of My Li- I mean, catch up on the research my father is sending me."
As Hilda left, she mentally noted to tick off the first speculation that she had about what the professor was hiding.
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"My name is Ghetsis. I am here representing Team Plasma."
Hilda gave a subtle punch to the air and spoke in a hushed tone to Cheren. "So that's what the P was for!"
"Today, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to talk to you about Pokemon liberation."
Hilda frowned. "Wait, what?"
"I'm sure that most of you believe that we humans and Pokemon have come to live together because we want and need each other. However, is that really the truth?"
Hilda nodded. "Of course. Smugleaf here is attached to me like a limpet, and I love him like the rock that supports the aforementioned limpet."
"Have you ever considered that perhaps we humans... only assume that this is the truth?"
"Well then," Hilda argued in a whisper, "how do you explain Smugleaf if I'm just apparently making my own illusion of our relationship?" The Grass Type refusing to let go of her upper arm gave a quiet but understanding growl.
"Pokemon are subject to the selfish commands of trainers... they get pushed around when they're supposed to be our 'partners' at work... can anyone say with confidence that there is no truth to what I'm saying?"
A shrug. "Well, I would, since Pokemon clearly have free wills of their own and according you they are forced to obey our every command, but I'm not gonna mess with a big-*ss team like yours until Smugleaf is ready to destroy legions."
"Now, ladies and gentlemen, Pokemon are different from humans."
"You don't say." Hilda's snark came with a glare up at the man recalling all this 'information'.
"They are living beings that contain unknown potential."
Hilda gave the quietest clap to Ghetsis as she spouted out a hushed remark. "Well done! Not only did you yet again state the obvious, but you stated a trait that humans also have, thus contradicting your statement!"
"They are living beings from whom we humans have much to learn. Tell me, what is our responsibility toward these wonderful beings called Pokemon?"
"Oh," Hilda muttered, "probably coexisting with them, being biffles, being battle buddies, taking over the world as an unstoppable, godly force, nothing against them or anything."
"That's right! We must liberate the Pokemon!"
"Now," Hilda held out her hand, "slow down man. You need to rethink yourself a bit there."
"Then, and only then, will humans and Pokemon truly be equals."
Hilda used the hand she was holding out to slap herself. "Oh my Arceus. How are we not equals already? One of us has the ball and the other has the deadly powers with the potential to destroy humanity. I'd call that equal."
"Everyone, I end my words here today by imploring you to consider the relationship between human and Pokemon... and the correct way to proceed."
"Nah, old guy," Hilda almost silently interjected, "already done that. And I'm proceeding in the 'correct' way already."
"We sincerely appreciate your attention."
Hilda stifled a laugh. "Dude! My attention has been half on Cheren's weird hair spike, a third on Smugleaf and how he's gripping my arm just a little to hard, and only a sisxth on your confusing rambling. But if you appreciate that sixth then I'm not stopping you. I didn't care for your opinion anyway."
And with that, to the relief of Cheren (who had been forced to subjected to yet more of Hilda's wit and so was reconsidering his life choices), the man with the greyish-green hair made his leave alongside seven ridiculously dressed men and women with outlandish ginger hair.
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So, while replaying Pokemon White, I couldn't help but make fun of the game (although I do still love it to itty bitty pieces). The way I poked fun at it mimicked an Abridged series or parody, and I loved it so much that I thought "hey, why don't I write this up?"
So this is gonna be a satirical, insane mess of my random brain farts, with characters having their main traits vastly over-exaggerated, personalities being altered for the sake of comedy, a more sketchy style of writing than long chapters, and leading it all is a snarky main girl who would love to do nothing more than take over the world with her Smugleaf.
I gotta say thank you to parody and Abridged series from talented YouTubers like MattyburritoMB, Something Witty Entertainment and 1KidsEntertainment for inspiring my crazy thoughts.
Rating = T because Abridged series. Swearing, references to death and violence, potential death and violence, all that marvellous stuff.
Pokemon White Abridged
Hilda neatened up her cap, pulling her brown ponytail through the stylish hat's rear and taking a moment to admire herself in the blacked out laptop screen residing on her desk. Today was finally the day she was gonna meet that Smugleaf, and she wasn't gonna let anyone stand in her way. Not even the black-haired teen now standing at the top of her stairs nearly doubled over in exhaustion.
She turned to Cheren casually, ignoring his wheezing, and smiled. "Oh, so you made it. You're early, you know. I probably should've expected you to rush here like Giratina's Houndooms were on your tail half an hour before you were supposed to regardless, but my poor, childish naivety seems to have gotten the better of me."
The boy continued to not respond, probably due to a combination of being incredibly unfit and being entirely done with the sarcastic drone his friend seemed to utter every waking second of the day, so Hilda continued. "I might as well get you some water. Considering the way you sound like you're dying, you probably need it."
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Hilda had been doing nothing but staring at the bleached-white box wrapped with emerald green ribbon on her bedroom table and throwing witty remarks at Cheren for forty minutes now. Something was keeping Bianca, although Hilda wasn't sure what the blondie with roughly five brain cells could possibly be worrying over that would cause her to be delayed. As she thought about the possibilities, she put it down to the ditz losing something of hers.
Her train of thought was set straight off the rails when a voice that reminded Hilda of a distressed cat began echoing up the stairs. "Am I a little late again? Soooooorry!"
The young girl was practically tearing the stairs apart with her shoes as she scrambled up them. Hilda sighed and rolled her eyes at Bianca. "What did you lose this time? Your bag? Your mascara? Your sanity?"
Bianca gave a warm smile and a shrug, secretly implying that she didn't give two craps about the clear distaste in the brunette's voice. "Nah, it was all my clothing. I could've been sure that I knew where I put them, but I completely forgot!"
Hilda facepalmed. "Why was I expecting that as the answer?"
Cheren decided to join in with the conversation. "Bianca, you were ten minutes, thirty four seconds and five hundred and sixty milliseconds late. Try better to not let Hilda and I down next time or I'll have to be subjected to more of her tasteless statements. And as far I have been physically able to see while living in this town, absolutely nobody would choose being subjected to that over taking their vegetable knife and stabbing themselves with it."
Hilda groaned. "That was only one time, K2. Well, it depends if that old guy who could've just slipped while chopping those cucumbers counts."
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Bianca spoke up. "Since the Poke-whatevers were delivered to this house, I think it's only fair that Hilda picks which one she wants first."
Hilda couldn't help but burst out in a wide grin. Finally, her partner in world domination had arrived.
She didn't hesitate to tear the ribbon off the box, cause the lid to collide with the ceiling and rip the Grass Type's ball from where it rested within crimson velvet. The two teens behind her barely questioned it - they knew how Hilda was an extremely brash girl as well as rude and witty.
Bianca chose next, gently letting her hand fly over the two other Poke Balls as though she was selecting one at random (which was presumably what she was doing), before she selected the sphere with a sky-blue tag saying "Oshawott".
Cheren was the last, walking up with a sophisticated aura and not hesitating to pluck out the middle Poke Ball, the one reading "Tepig".
The three kids stared at each other, then their brand new Pokemon. Bianca broke the temporary silence. "Oh my god this is so cool! I really wanna battle with Owa...Asho... Oh-Sha-Wott, yeah, that's how you say it. Yeah! I really want to battle with it! Hilda, could you battle with me?"
Hilda nodded. "I feel liked you ditched the difficult challenge of dealing with the battle obsessee over here, but I still need to see if my soul destroyer- I mean, my partner Pokemon is as cool as I thought. Go, Smugleaf!"
The Poke Ball would've soared into the sky before falling and letting the Pokemon residing within be released, had Hilda first done this outside. As it was, the sphere crashed into the ceiling in a similar way the lid to the box did before her new battle ally was let out.
Cheren shook his head. "Hilda, you do know that this Grass Type you have selected is called Snivy, and not Smugleaf, don't you?"
Hilda nodded. "Of course, smartypants. Doesn't mean I can't give the lord the nickname he rightfully deserves."
Bianca stared in confusion. "Huh?"
Smugleaf stood proudly at Hilda's feet, attempting to stare down his nose at every Pokemon who dared to try and question his regal status. He may not have been directly descended from, well, any lines of royalty, but he still should've been given every ounce of respect the beings around him had to offer. He grimaced at Bianca's clear lack of respect for such a marvellous life force as himself.
Hilda gave a knowing glance in the blonde's direction. "See? He loves the name, and deserves every positive statement you could throw at him. Now, let your Pokemon out, and we'll battle."
Bianca still didn't entirely understand, but didn't have any inclination to care. "Alright. Go, Owashowott!"
The sound of the Poke Ball releasing the Water Otter masked the faint groan emanating from Cheren's side of the room. "Bianca, if you're going to use your Pokemon's proper name, at least take the time and effort to pronounce said name correctly."
Bianca and Hilda couldn't care less. Oshawott formed in front of the girl with the lighter hair, causing her to open her mouth slightly in realisation. "Oh, so that's what it looks like!"
Hilda replied, although no reply was particularly called for or needed. "What?"
Bianca waved an arm her way. "Oh, it's nothing. So, Owa...Shou... f*ck it, I'm calling you Osha. So, Osha! Let's do this!"
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The kids stared at the chaos the two tiny creatures had caused. Paw prints littered the walls and floor (although none of the Pokemon had paws so even Cheren was left stumped as to how they appeared) and Hilda's new bedsheets were creased and knocked clean off her mattress. Hilda was just grateful that neither her WiiU nor her laptop was harmed, or somebody would've really had a problem when they got a face full of teenage fists.
Bianca sighed. "Well, I wasn't expecting that to happen. Sorry, Hilda."
Hilda gave a dry response. "Doesn't matter. Smugleaf successfully beat your Osha down like the prince he is. Guess I'm just a destroyer of worlds."
Cheren heard what Hilda just remarked and frowned. "What?"
Hilda panicked, not realsing how she had accidentally let slip her master plan, and so hastily came up with a replacement phrase. "I mean, uh, great user of words, yes. I said those commands correctly to a T."
Apparently that somehow worked, despite Cheren's mind being the size of a pregnant Wailord, and he shrugged. "Yes, you did do considerably well against Bianca, although that was to be expected thanks to her incapability of managing anything requiring her to be even an eighth as competent as she is now. Anyway, it's my turn to battle you, Hilda."
The brunette flashed a wink. "Yep! And I bet you'll be at least a fraction more of a challenge than Bianca-" she gave a glance to the blonde, who was allowing Osha to snooze inside her hat while she tried to make sense of the moveset tutorial inside her Pokemon Trainer Manual - "and not just because your Fire Type is supposed to be bad for Smugleaf the almighty."
Cheren pushed his glasses up his nose. "Well, it does make logical sense since two Pokemon of similar strength and exactly the same levels would be on even ground were it not for the typing of one being strong against the typing of the other. After all-"
Hilda interrupted his statement. "Yeah yeah yeah, I know, I read the manual, you don't need to repeat the instructions like you're an AI on autopilot. Let's just get this battle underway already."
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Cheren held his chin inside his hand as he observed the loss that was just obtained. "I didn't speculate before the battle that our Pokemon were too weak to use their elemental powers yet, and that led to the battlers relying on brute strength to win. Tepig lost thanks to Smugleaf using Leer on him to lower his defence, before finishing off the battle by using Tackle multiple times in a row. Very interesting."
Hilda began smoothing out her duvet as she placed it back onto her bed. "When you're done with the speculative self-discussion, you could help Bianca and I clear up, you know."
A new female voice pierced the discussion and caused it to dissipate away. "You three don't need to worry about Hilda's room. I can manage it myself, thank you."
Hilda glanced at the stairwell. "Oh, hey mum. Yeah, you can do all this work for us. We have a journey to begin and a..." Hilda groaned. "And a Pokedex to collect."
Bianca looked at Hilda in exasperation. "Are you really still going on about..." she tried to say the word Pokedex, but gave up. "About that?"
Hilda nodded. "Yes, Bianca, and don't think I'll stop anytime soon. Anyway, all three of us should just get up and go now. See you, room, see you mum, see you electronic devices-senpai, I'll see you all again when I can be bothered to catch a Fly HM Slave. Goodbye."
The three starting trainers made their way down the stairs, and Hilda couldn't help but look at the incredibly forced smile on her mum's face. At this point, she could basically read every expression her only living parent could offer, and this one screamed just the message Hilda had been waiting for.
"Please, get the everloving f*ck outta this house."
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The Juniper lab was one that Hilda couldn't help but think was probably owned by a mad scientist. What with all the book spines containing horrific titles such as "The Pidgeys and the Combees", "Covering Your Sinful Tracks" and "My Little Ponyta", Hilda wasn't sure whether Professor Aurea Juniper was a sparkly horse fanatic, a lonely woman wishing for more 'excitement' in her life, a secretly psychopathic researcher or a conspiring villain plotting world domination. Hilda hoped that she wasn't the last one, since the girl herself was gearing up to be that very person.
For now, though, she kept all these thoughts to herself as she moaned once more. "For the last time, I couldn't care less about this stupid flip-phone rip off. You know I can just use Google these days. From what I've researched I've heard most of Unova has great service for my 5c."
Juniper gave a subtle yet noticeable grin. "Well, you won't be able to stay with that Snivy of yours if you don't accept the other half of the deal, now will you?"
Like an extremist social justice warrior on Tumblr whenever their gender is assumed, Hilda was instantly triggered by this simple statement. "You are not taking my precious cinnamon bun away from me." She sulked, but accepted the offer of the pointless electronic device, stuffing it within her bag of infinite space where she hoped it would be lost for all eternity.
With that, the professor stood up with a bright expression on her face, before clasping her hands together in delight. "Right! All of you have your Pokedexes now. It's time for you to set off on your Pokemon journey. Please meet me at Route 1 so I can teach you the best way to catch wild Pokemon."
She led the way out, with Bianca following suit. However, Cheren and Hilda hung behind just a moment. Cheren stared after Juniper. "I already know how to capture a Pokemon. Why does she feel the need to inform me as well as you and Bianca?"
Hilda sighed, but strode out the door alongside Cheren regardless. "I've been watching shows displaying this shoo-dizzle since 2 B a Master started airing when I was practically a fetus. But then again, you never know what the professor of concealed intentions could do to us if we refuse this pointless tutorial. You might just need to accept it if you want to remain innocent, alive and without the My Little Ponyta theme seared into your mind."
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"Hey, hey! Hold it!"
Hilda sighed for what felt like the bajillionth time today as she halted Cheren, leaving the three kids standing together staring out at Route 1. "What is it, Bianca? Did you leave Osha back in my place with mum? Are you stuck on where the exit to town is despite it being an inch from your nose?"
Bianca shook her head, while her hat somehow didn't fall off in the process. "Nope! I was thinking. Since this is the first time we're leaving Nuvema-"
Hilda interrupted. "-And considering this place is about the size of a baby Hobbit that probably means we really need to get a life-"
All that earned her was Bianca giving a cold stare in her direction before the ditz regained control of her sentence. "-I was thinking that we should take the first step onto Route 1 together."
Cheren shrugged. "This course of action seems like an interesting one. I accept your offer."
Hilda couldn't care less, and so she decided to make this fact known. "Really, Bianca? I don't care about the sentimentalities. Let's just get on with moving already so we can emerge from the rock we've lived under since the day we first existed."
The response Hilda earned wasn't exactly in agreement. "Nonono! I want this to be a day to remember, and it'll have more impact if we do it this way."
The group kept bickering, and several metres away, if one stood close enough to the scene and had keen eyes, they would've been able to see Aurea Juniper waiting by the nearest patch of grass, while regretting every one of her life choices at that moment as she waited for them to finally move an inch from where they were arguing.
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When Hilda finally obliged to Bianca's patronising request and the group all took a slow and 'meaningful' step onto Route 1, there was no hesitation once the first foot was put down. The moment the action occurred, Hilda instantly set her other foot down and began running towards the professor purely just to move on with all this stuff she clearly didn't need right now.
Juniper masked all of her anger and impatience with a polite expression as Hilda almost crashed into her, with the other two teens being forced to try and keep up with their brash and active companion. "So, you three are here now! Let me show you how to capture more Pokemon right now."
Hilda began staring off into space as the professor started wading through the grass and trying to find a Pokemon to battle. She began thinking about the good times she'd have with Smugleaf, destroying Gyms, laying the Pokemon league to waste and many other exciting and fun activities awaited her and the miniature lord. Her mind snapped back into the present, however, when the Poke Ball that Juniper had thrown at a wild Patrat clicked to imply a capture.
"And that's how you do it!" Juniper exclaimed. "Were all three of you watching?"
Hilda gave a polite nod. "Yeah, totally."
Bianca merely gave a thumbs up and a wide grin, while Cheren spoke his answer with a blank facial expression and bored tone. "Affirmative."
The mixed responses did nothing to deter the professor's apparent enthusiasm. "Great! You've taken the first step in your Pokemon journey. Meet me by the entrance to Accumula Town's Pokemon centre. I'm sure you three friends will prevail in all that you do!"
As the woman flicked her light brown hair and walked away from the group, casually waving behind her as she did so, Hilda, Cheren and Bianca all shared a a knowing glance at each other. Everyone called them 'friends', but it was more 'kids constantly at each other's throats forced to be together thanks to living in the world's smallest town'. Hilda was surprised that the thought hadn't even occurred to Juniper that the three kinda loved to despise each other.
The glance was cut off by Bianca rushing forward. "Hey! I've got an idea. Why don't we each try to catch as many Pokemon as possible on this route before we reach Accumula? We'll be meeting new friends and filling up the Dokepex. And surely we'll each be able to catch something!"
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Bianca's voice became a whine. "What? How did you catch not a single Pokemon on this Route?"
Hilda failed to crumble at all under Bianca's shocked stare. "Oh, that was probably because I don't care for any of them and so instead of being all friendly with them, I decided I was going to destroy them instead. Just as a stepping stone for the almighty Smugleaf, you know?"
Cheren saved Bianca from having to continue to the topic. "Either way, we have all reached Accumula Town. It seems that this place has some kind of event occurring today - the civilians seem as though they are waiting for something to happen over there."
Hilda glanced at where he pointed. "Yeah, I would think so too considering the bloody massive banners with the big 'P' on them. Anyway, Juniper insisted on us heading to the centre, and I fear to think about what she could punish us with if we refuse."
The trio made their way towards the huge glass building with the red roof which was commonly known as the Pokemon centre. As far as Hilda could remember, that wasn't the actual centre's name - it was really called "The Centre of Pokemon Health, Journey Safety and Parallel Universe Interactions", but nobody could be bothered to utter such a mouthful of a phrase for fear of getting their tongue twisted.
The overly enthusiastic face of Professor Juniper greeted the group. "You made it! Oh, that's brilliant. Come on in now! I need to show you around to make sure you know everything."
Bianca entered without hesitation, and Hilda completely understood - knowing Bianca, she probably really needed the tour - but that didn't stop her and Cheren from sighing as the two followed. From there, Juniper began the tour. "So, the upstairs layer contains the Union Room, a place where you can communicate with trainers from alternate dimensions and see if they wish for a battle or trade. To our right is the Poke Mart - you can buy and sell stuff there, it's that simple. Straight ahead of us is the Nurse of this centre. She'll heal your Pokemon for free, and nothing more."
Cheren looked at Bianca and frowned. "Are you really that surprised by an interdimensional portal that connects several parallel universes together via a single room somewhere in the time-space continuum? Travel between separate realities has been established since approximately six years ago, Bianca."
Bianca was unaware that Cheren had uttered a single word as she continued to gaze up at the higher floor in wonder. "That is... oooh... so cool..."
Hilda interrupted everyone. "Great! Now we know what this building does since we clearly didn't before, I shall now take my leave. See ya!"
Cheren nodded. "I shall now leave this centre as well. I am fascinated by the event that is taking place in this town today."
Thanks to the boy's position, he successfully left first, only to call back to the three females through the door. "By the way everything is looking, it appears that the event has begun. If you wish to see just what it is about, I'd recommend leaving now."
While Hilda decided she might as well leave to go see what was happening (and she wanted to escape the vicinity of the professor as well), Bianca shook her head. "I'm gonna stay here. This intermid- indert- whatever travel looks awesome!"
A sigh could be heard escaping from professor Juniper's lips. "I want to stay hear. I need to catch up on season 2 of My Li- I mean, catch up on the research my father is sending me."
As Hilda left, she mentally noted to tick off the first speculation that she had about what the professor was hiding.
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"My name is Ghetsis. I am here representing Team Plasma."
Hilda gave a subtle punch to the air and spoke in a hushed tone to Cheren. "So that's what the P was for!"
"Today, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to talk to you about Pokemon liberation."
Hilda frowned. "Wait, what?"
"I'm sure that most of you believe that we humans and Pokemon have come to live together because we want and need each other. However, is that really the truth?"
Hilda nodded. "Of course. Smugleaf here is attached to me like a limpet, and I love him like the rock that supports the aforementioned limpet."
"Have you ever considered that perhaps we humans... only assume that this is the truth?"
"Well then," Hilda argued in a whisper, "how do you explain Smugleaf if I'm just apparently making my own illusion of our relationship?" The Grass Type refusing to let go of her upper arm gave a quiet but understanding growl.
"Pokemon are subject to the selfish commands of trainers... they get pushed around when they're supposed to be our 'partners' at work... can anyone say with confidence that there is no truth to what I'm saying?"
A shrug. "Well, I would, since Pokemon clearly have free wills of their own and according you they are forced to obey our every command, but I'm not gonna mess with a big-*ss team like yours until Smugleaf is ready to destroy legions."
"Now, ladies and gentlemen, Pokemon are different from humans."
"You don't say." Hilda's snark came with a glare up at the man recalling all this 'information'.
"They are living beings that contain unknown potential."
Hilda gave the quietest clap to Ghetsis as she spouted out a hushed remark. "Well done! Not only did you yet again state the obvious, but you stated a trait that humans also have, thus contradicting your statement!"
"They are living beings from whom we humans have much to learn. Tell me, what is our responsibility toward these wonderful beings called Pokemon?"
"Oh," Hilda muttered, "probably coexisting with them, being biffles, being battle buddies, taking over the world as an unstoppable, godly force, nothing against them or anything."
"That's right! We must liberate the Pokemon!"
"Now," Hilda held out her hand, "slow down man. You need to rethink yourself a bit there."
"Then, and only then, will humans and Pokemon truly be equals."
Hilda used the hand she was holding out to slap herself. "Oh my Arceus. How are we not equals already? One of us has the ball and the other has the deadly powers with the potential to destroy humanity. I'd call that equal."
"Everyone, I end my words here today by imploring you to consider the relationship between human and Pokemon... and the correct way to proceed."
"Nah, old guy," Hilda almost silently interjected, "already done that. And I'm proceeding in the 'correct' way already."
"We sincerely appreciate your attention."
Hilda stifled a laugh. "Dude! My attention has been half on Cheren's weird hair spike, a third on Smugleaf and how he's gripping my arm just a little to hard, and only a sisxth on your confusing rambling. But if you appreciate that sixth then I'm not stopping you. I didn't care for your opinion anyway."
And with that, to the relief of Cheren (who had been forced to subjected to yet more of Hilda's wit and so was reconsidering his life choices), the man with the greyish-green hair made his leave alongside seven ridiculously dressed men and women with outlandish ginger hair.
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