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Equilibria.

Inconspicuosaurus

Bone-ified dinosaur
Hello, hello, hello! Yes, it is I - JammyU - back with a more mysterious, more adventurous, more betterer fic than ever before! (I hope :D).

Blah, blah, I don't own Pokemon, blah, blah, disclaimer, blah.

Rated around about 12A for some possible future violence.

At this point, some authors would give you a little synopsis of what their fic is all about, but I think that if you want to know then read it! It is a mystery after all. :D


Crystic;
As a little addition, here are some titibits and trivia related to 'Equilibria' that would be awkward to bring up directly in the fic itself. Some are merely for clarification but others are vital to fully understanding the story. However, this will be updated after every chapter with new info, so I suggest readers who have not yet caught up skip over sections such as 'Characters' if they do not wish to encounter enormous spoilers.

I REPEAT: DO NOT READ ON UNLESS YOU HAVE READ THE LATEST CHAPTER(S)!!!

The Cuaro Region:
Picture.
Info- Arid and volcanic, the Cuaro Region is dominated by the tall mountain range to the west and the enormous plains that make up the central plateau.

Tempest Village:
Picture.
Info- Perched precariously on the peaks of two adjacent mountains, this small village is famous for its amazing terraced gardens and the Tempest Gym, where Leader Zach awaits challengers with his team of electrical pokemon.

Souhgem Port:
Picture. (Coming Soon)
Info- Often known as 'The Gateway to Cuaro' the bustling hive of bars, restaurants and souvenier shops hides the dark and dingy side that is the commercial backbone of imports and exports that fuels Cuaro's huge central cities.

Ethar ?:
Picture. (Coming Soon)
Team-
>Psymon/Gardevoir
>Orvel/?
>Lance/?
>Hermes/Slowbro
Home town- ?
Background- ?
Family- ?

Raimundo 'Rai' Theodore Pachama:
Picture. (Coming Soon)
Team-
>Cree/Montama
Home town- Tempest Village.
Background- Born into a traditional farming family, Rai dreams of leaving his home town and travelling with his trusty companion; Cree the Montama.
Family- Brother, Thomas 'Tommy' Pachama. Mother, Morana Pachama. Father, Francisco Pachama.

Zachario 'Zach' Boltone
Picture.
Team-
>Thunder/Luxray
>Lightning/Manectric
Home Town- Tempest Village
Background- Determined to buck the trend in his sleppy home town, Zach left Tempest Village and journeyed far and wide before returning to set up the Tempest Village Gym.
Family- ?

'Lustre and Purge'
Picture. (Coming Soon)
Team-
(Lustre)
> Pidgeot
(Purge)
> Castform
Home Town- ?
Background- Little is known so far about this pair of sharp-suited 'gentlemen'.

Montama:
Naming- Mountain + Llama
Pronunciation- mon-TA-ma
Picture. (Left)
Species- Llama pokemon.
Type- Rock
Ability- Rock Head/Battle Armour
Dex Entries-
1) Ungainly and accident prone from birth, these pokemon develop rocky pads on their knees and head to protect from injury in their cliff-top homes.
Evolution- To Granico at Lvl. 36.

Granico:
Naming- Granite + Guanico
Pronunciation- GRA-ni-ko
Picture. (Right)
Species- Llama pokemon.
Type- Rock
Ability- Rock Head/Battle Armour
Dex Entries-
1) Extremely agile despite their bulky form, their rocky hide and enormous strength makes them perfect beasts of burden for mountain peoples.
Evolution- None.

Blophin:
Naming- Blow-hole + Dolphin
Pronunciation- BLOW-fin
Picture.
New Picture by The Great Mick.
Species- Playful Dolphin pokemon.
Type- Water/Sound
Ability-Swift Swim/Hustle
Dex Entries-
1) Their playful nature makes them popular among seaside tourists. They apparently have intelligence that nears are own.
2) They delight in riding the wake of large ships and performing flips and jumps.
Evolution- To Decipoise at Lvl. 18.

Decipoise:
Naming- Decibel + Porpoise
Pronunciation- DES-i-poyse
Picture.
New Picture by The Great Mick.
Species- Loud Porpoise pokemon
Type- Water/Sound
Ability-Swift Swim/Hustle
Dex Entries-
1) Their language of clicks and squeaks can be heard for miles underwater. Scientists are attempting to isolate individual words so that communication might be made possible.
2) They playfully joust each other with their short tusks, these play-fights prepare them for territorial and competitive battles in later life.
Evolution- To ? with Sonic stone.

Ampikeet:
Naming- Ampere + Parakeet
Pronunciation- AM-pi-keet
Picture. (Bottom pic)
Species- Tiny Parrot pokemon.
Type- Electric/Flying
Ability- Guts
Dex Entries-
1) Vast swarms of these pokemon flying over mountain peaks are sometimes mistaken for enormous thunderclouds.
2) When cornered, a single Ampikeet will never back down, despite its tiny size.
Evolution- To Reafear at level 33.

Reafear:
Naming- Revere + Feather + Fear (vague reference to Rhea, which is also a flightless bird)
Pronunciation- REH-feer
Picture. (Middle pic)
Species- Hibernation pokemon.
Type- Electric/Dragon
Ability- Guts
Dex Entries-
1) They sleep in large groups in mountain caves, gathering static electricity.
2) They are reputably very wise and are both respected and feared by mountain peoples.
Evolution- To Ampifear at level 56.

Ampifear:
Naming- Ampere + Amphithere + Fear
Pronunciation- AM-pi-feer
Picture. (Top pic)
Picture2. (This one's alot better).
Species- Thunder Serpent pokemon.
Type- Electric/Dragon
Ability- Levitate
Dex Entries-
1) Both vicious and intelligent, they are dangerous but extremely loyal to those who gain their respect.
2) Trainers who attempt to raise them from the common Ampikeet often end up disappointed, as an Ampifear will leave its trainer the instant it evolves if it judges them unworthy.
Evolution- None.

Indaye:
Naming- Index (as in index finger) + Aye-aye
Pronunciation- IN-dye
Picture. (Coming Soon)
Species- Third Eye pokemon.
Type- Dark/Psychic
Ability- Keen Eye/Early Bird
Dex Entries-
1) Their third eye, which normally stays closed, is used to see inside tree branches when hunting for food. It also lets it see great distances at night with its penetrative powers.
2) It finds grubs with the X-ray abilities of its third eye, it then bores them out of tree-bark with its sharp fingernails on the end of its elongated fingers.
Evolution- None. Guerrilla

Guerident:
Naming- Guerrilla + Gorilla + Trident
Pronunciation- GER-rye-dent
Picture. (Coming Soon)
Species- Trident pokemon.
Type- Water/Fighting
Ability- Swift Swim/Inner Focus
Dex Entries-
1) They live in extravagant palaces of coral on the sea floor where armies of Aquate tend to their every whim.
2) If their sea-floor homes are damaged by the actions of man, they have been known to lead hoards of Aquate onto land and raze sea-side villages.
Evolution- None.

The Sound Type:
Strengths and Weaknesses- I've added it to this chart that I found for ease of explanation.
Sound Type Pokemon- Whismur line, Chatot (instead of normal), Jigglypuff line, Blophin line, Chingling line (as well as psychic).
Sound Type Moves- All moves which are blocked by Soundproof, + Explosion. Soundproof becomes an immunity ability like Levitate.
Items- Sonic Stone, allows evolution of certain sound-type pokemon. Loud Speaker, powers up sound-type moves. Sonic Plate.

So, without further procrastination, waisting of time, or indeed, ado, let us begin!


Prologue.

The Cuaro Region. A dramatic place where towering mountains meet peaceful plains, boiling volcanoes meet sapphire lagoons and scorching deserts meet verdant forests. A place left untouched for millennia and unknown to all but the indigenous peoples of the mountain villages and the roaming tribes of the vast plains.

But as the years of technical advancement in the regions across the sea have continued and the need for energy has swelled, the black gold of the Ouwahlu Desert and the towering trees of the Serpent Forest have drawn in many outsiders: scientists from the dismantled oil-works of Almia, miners from the long-spent quarries of Orre, and money-hungry tycoons from the grand cities of Kanto and Sinnoh.

These people have profited enormously from the land and its bounty, building sprawling cities on the great, flat, plains and pumping the resources for all they’re worth. Spreading there poisons like a plague across the once magnificent region.

This time is proclaimed as a golden age for the once ‘primitive’ land of Cuaro in the rich cities of the Triangle. But elsewhere there are those who would rather see the land returned to its natural glory than drained of its energy and left to crumble like a dry husk when the corporate fat-cats finally move on; those who would sympathise with the locals being forced from their homes and even fight for and with them to right the balance in this land of disgustingly rich and poor, even the scales in this region of the appallingly weak and terribly powerful - in short, those who would reclaim their:

EQUILIBRIA.

***

Chapter 1: Sleepy heads and Sailing ships.

Ethar stared thoughtfully out to sea from the prow of the ship. The ragged coast of the Cuaro Region was just emerging over the horizon. Besides that, the view was grey and gloomy, rain-clouds where moving in. The steely-coloured sea bucked and thrashed under the gale of the on-coming storm. The young man wrapped his cloak around himself to protect against the wind and the early-morning chill and re-directed his gaze inwards.

The dreams were back, haunting him during the day as well as in the solitude of his cabin. Whenever he was alone, the awful memories crept back into his thoughts.

RrRRRRRrrrrRRR! The whole house was shaking, the young boy clinging to the oak-panelled walls had never felt such power. Every mahogany door rattled on its hinges, every expensive, china ornament vibrated closer to the edge of whichever lofty precipice it was perched on. The boy was panicking. Where were his parents? The staff? Where had everyone gone? It was dark outside the polished, glass window of his bedroom. His nanny had just left to get him a glass of water and then the noises had started; men shouting, the roars and grunts of pokemon, even a gun-shot at one point. The boy had jumped out of his sumptuous four-poster and run out into the hall. The lights were flickering, his eyes couldn’t adjust to the intermittent darkness, and then- CRASH!

A chilly wave of cool sea air swept over the deck, complete with a bucket-full of salty spray. Ethar gasped for breath, the panic from all those years ago slowly subsiding.

He glanced downwards at the Decipoise and Blophin playing in the wake of the ship. It was one of the larger of the pokemon that had caused the splash. Ethar smiled distractedly. Decipoise where well-known for their joyous attitude, but not even their antics could lighten his spirits. A flock of Wingul where dive bombing a school of Remoraid just ahead and a mother Decipoise shielded her tiny, young Blophin with her fin as the boat sped past.

Ethar sighed and returned to his vigil. His scruffy, black hair whipped around his pale face and his dark clothes were soaked with spray. He couldn’t relax; too much rested on this new start.

A wave of compressed air and a faint pressure on the boys eardrums indicated the arrival of one of his partners. Suddenly and quite impossibly, a humanoid creature with styled, green hair was occupying the section of deck behind the boy. The creature had very large, pinkish eyes and dark green skin. The white, papery garment that grew from it’s waist was trimmed into the shape of trench-coat tails and it’s shoulder fringes were grown into sleeves. It was a Gardevoir, a powerful psychic-type pokemon.

<It’ll be fine, Ethar.> The words resolved themselves into a deep, male-sounding voice in Ethar’s mind. The creature hadn’t moved its mouth but his psychic powers inserted his meaning directly into the boys brain. It was as if he wasn’t speaking, but merely suggesting that you had known what he meant anyway.

To the average person, this would have felt extremely disconcerting, but Ethar had known the Gardevoir for quite a while now and he was accustomed to the psychic pokemon’s strange ways.

“I don’t want to just drift anymore. I want answers.”

<I thought we agreed we were going to put that behind us.>

“I can’t do it, Psymon! If this ‘Cuaro Region’ doesn’t offer me the new start I want then I’m going to have to go in search of what happened.”

The tall pokemon laid his hand on his friends shoulder, <Like I said before, it will be fine. Nobody knows you here. Even if you do let your curse-of-a-name slip again, it will mean nothing to these people.>

“I hope you’re right, Psymon, I really do,” Ethar closed his eyes and took a deep breath. After a few seconds he turned around to face the Gardevoir, a strained smile on his wind-beaten face, “So where are Orvel and Lance?” he asked, “Not causing havoc with our fellow passengers again I hope.”

<Ha-ha, I certainly hope not, they’ve only just finished clearing up the mess in the dining hall.>

The dark-haired boy smiled properly for the first time that day, “I know! No matter how blunt that man’s steak-knife was Orvel was never going to make a better job of cutting his T-bone with a Leaf-blade.”

Psymon chuckled, <Let’s get back inside, we’ll be arriving soon and I think I felt a rain-drop.>

***​

Far away, in a part of the Cuaro Region not being ravaged by storm for once, the dawn light was just reaching the precarious round-houses and terraced gardens of Tempest Village. In the second brightly-painted house down from the top of the west peak, another boy was dreaming, but not of the horrors of the past. His subconscious imaginings were of the future.

RrrRRRrrRR! The thunderous round of applause reverberated around the stadium, filling the boy with triumphant joy. The battle field stretched out before him, on the other side stood his opponent. Their strongest and final pokemon was just taking the field. The boys own pokemon stood in front of him, having ploughed through the Champion’s first five pokemon, his faithful partner would annihilate this last obstacle and then the title of Champion of the Cuaro Region would be theirs! The opponent called their move, the boy called his, the two pokemon rushed across the stage on a collision course that would decide the fate of the battle. Closer, closer, the ground shook under their pounding footsteps, any second now- RrRRrrshk!

With the rattling sound of a blind clattering itself open, a stream of bright sun-light burst through the glassless window of the Pachama family’s round house. The beam found the face of the young boy, though it was largely obscured by a brightly-coloured woven duvet and a tasselled hat of the same material. In fact, if it wasn’t for the tufts of black hair and the nut-brown skin of the boy’s face, he would have passed without difficulty as a bundle of spare rugs.

“RAIMUNDO THEODORE PACHAMA OF THE GREAT TEMPEST MOUNTAINS!” shouted a female voice, “GET UP THIS INSTANT! YOU’RE ALREADY TWO MINUTES LATE FOR WORK!”

The boy grunted and rolled over, but gradually the words sunk into his mind and after much consideration his brain decided that they were due some sort of dramatic recognition.

The boy sat bolt upright, he eyes wide open and his duvet flying into a heap on the floor. Now would probably be a good time to highlight the fact that Raimundo, the boy in question, had been sleeping in a hammock. Anybody who has ever slept in a hammock will tell you that sifting your weight as dramatically as Raimundo had just done is not advisable unless you wish to take a short, but highly comical, trip to the floor.

“Rai, did you know that not a single member of the Pachama family had ever fallen out of a hammock for over a century before you were born?” said a young, male voice from above the boy’s head.

“No, Thomas, I didn’t know that. I would thank you for that fascinating tit-bit of information, but my mouth is currently working on moulding itself into the shape of the carpet weave,” grumbled Raimundo into the rug, “Now, would you please help me up!”

“Rai! That is no way to speak to your brother, and you are perfectly capable of getting yourself up. Although you do need a bit of practice with the timing.”

Rai groaned and pulled himself to his feet. He shuffled laboriously to the table in the centre of the one-roomed hut and began to ladle himself some of the porridge-like cereal that almost all Tempest Village people ate every morning.

“Rai?” asked Morana Pachama, Rai’s mother, “do you have the memory of a Goldeen? I said, YOU ARE LATE FOR WORK!”

Rai dropped the ladle, showering Tommy, his brother, with a goblets of gelatinous oatmeal. He sprinted across the room in three steps, retrieved a hooded jacket, an old T-shirt and some faded jeans from their usual pile on the floor and leapt behind one of the various hanging mats to change.

His mind was always doing that - switching back into mindless routine when it should be focusing on something important. He saw it as a sign that he really needed to get out of this place before his brain turned to mush.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like the Tempest Mountains Village - it was a beautiful place, with its colourful people in even more colourful clothes, its rope bridges and stone staircases, and the looming shadow of Riven Peak, its permanent halo of broiling, purple thunderclouds pulsing and throwing out the occasional lightning bolt to the Gym’s conducting mast.

Ah, the Gym, thought Rai as he pulled on the second of his thick, Mareep-wool socks. The only relief from the mind-numbing monotony of farming and routine was his job helping out Leader Zaph at the eccentric elder’s pokemon Gym. Sure, it was only mucking-out the Granico and maybe brushing down the Leader’s team if their was a challenge coming up, but it was always the highlight of Rai’s day; and it wouldn’t be for much longer if he didn’t hurry up! Finally dressed, Rai shot out from behind the screen and ran towards the curtained door.

“Remember to open the door before you charge through the curtain this time!” shouted Tommy after him as he hurled his satchel onto his shoulder.

Out in the morning sunshine, he skidded to a stop on the gravely ground of the precipice that his family home was built on. He glanced around, then put his first and second fingers in his mouth and whistled as loud as possible. With a sound of scattering pebbles and galloping hooves, a pokemon came running round from behind the house. The pokemon was the size of a large dog and had pale brown fur coating most of its body. There was a tuft of darker brown fur on the top of its head and it had rock-like lumps on its knees and back. It had dark brown, cloven hooves and a short tail that wagged from side to side as it stopped in front of the boy. The pokemon looked up at him with a quizzical look that seemed to say “and where have you been?”

“Yes, yes, I know I’m late, Cree. Now let’s go, we’ll have to run but try not to fall over too much, okay?”

The Montama, llama-like pokemon native to the Tempest Mountains were traditionally reared by the Tempest Mountain villagers as beasts of burden. However, they were only useful once evolved into Granico as the young were prone to extreme clumsiness. As a result, from a young age stony protrusions formed on their knees and saddle-area to protect them from injury.

Rai continued at his brutal pace down the staircase hewn out of the side of the mountain down to the next layer, his hat-tassels whipping around his face in the ever-present mountain wind and Cree stumbling wildly, but just managing to stay on her feet.

Heads turned as the pair ran past the terrace gardens, where most of the food that sustained the community was grown, the farmers shook their heads and turned back to their work. Rai was well-known for his wistful ways and most just saw him as lazy. One farmer even shook his fist after them when a small boulder scattered by Cree’s flailing hooves squashed one of his carefully tended cabbages. Rai waved to his father when he saw him in the distance tending the family’s flock of Mareep which were grazing on the sparse vegetation that sprouted between the rocks on the sides of the mountains and then they continued hurriedly on their way.

Eventually, Rai’s frantic dashing brought him to the start of the bridge which spanned the ravine between the East and West peaks of Tempest Village. He shielded his eyes from the sun and searched the distant other side for people coming in the opposite direction. He really was late, the bridge, though only just big enough to allow two people to pass each other was normally bustling with people on their way to work or visiting friends and family when Rai reached it in the morning, now a solitary sheppard was the only person coming across the bridge.

“Oh, lord Raikou of the thunderclouds, how can my day get any worse,” said Rai to himself. He had just noticed that the sheppard was not so solitary after all. There was a flock of Mareep, with the occasional pink Flaafy sticking out from the crowd, moving slowly onto the bridge after him.

The yellow, woolly sheep pokemon, though very useful for making clothes (and delicious with potatoes on special occasions) were not famed for their intelligence, and they were still, after hundreds of years of successful crossings, terrified of traversing the bridge.

Rai slumped down onto a near-by boulder and put his head in his hands. Cree nuzzled him affectionately with her wet snout, but the boy pushed her away.

“It’s hopeless, Cree,” he muttered into his gloves, “they’ll take at least an hour getting over the bridge and we couldn’t push past them if we tried. I‘m going to be so late that they’ll be eating noon meal by the time I get to the Gym and I‘ll be fired for sure.”

Cree hung her head, she hated to see her friend and trainer like this. If only she could help him… but wait! She had crossed to the other mountain plenty of times without using the bridge. The Granico and Montama owned by the villagers were allowed to roam free most of the time and there was a cliff that jutted out further down the mountain that narrowed the void just enough that you could jump from it and land on another cliff on the other side. It was a long way down and back up again, and she had never managed to make the jump without falling over, but it would still be faster than waiting for the Mareep.

“Tama!” cried Cree and tugged at Rai’s jacket. The boy looked up, confused by his pokemons sudden change of mood.

“What, you want me to follow you?”

“Tama-tama!” said the llama pokemon excitedly.

“I suppose I’ve got nothing better to do, come on then.”

The faithful pokemon led her trainer to the top of the path that led to the leaping cliff. Rai looked down the worn trail and spotted where it ended.

“No way! I can’t jump that Cree! You may be able to slide on your knee pads for a while if you crash, but I could kill myself trying to make that. A Granico would jump it easy but- hang on a second…”

With a mischievous look in his eye, Rai glanced around the precipice, searching for- yes! There was a small group of Granico grazing beside one of the houses. He approached the large animal with caution. They were much larger and stronger than their prevolutions, with fully developed rock-hard armour on their legs and backs. But it wasn’t used for protection anymore, one kick from one of those stone hooves could send you flying off the side of the mountain if you made the wrong move.

The closest beast was a beauty. One and a half metres tall at the shoulder, with a black sheen to its rocky hide and an earthy brown shade of glossy fur. It was wearing a cloth saddle on top of its natural stone one and the bronze name plaque said ‘Obsidian.’ Rai crouched down and plucked a handful of grass from the ground.

“Here Siddy, Siddy, Siddy,” He called to the Granico, “I’ve got a nice bit of foody-woody here for the pokemon that lets me ride him for a while.”

Cree rolled her eyes but obviously ‘Sid’ wasn’t the smartest Granico in the world because he eagerly abandoned the perfectly edible patch of identical grass he’d been standing on and trotted over to the stems in Rai’s hand. As he munched the grass, the boy swung himself up onto the saddle without the slightest resistance from Sid.

He rummaged in his pocket and pulled out a small, green, spherical object. It was Cree’s pokeball, hewn from a green Apricorn to promote friendship by Rai’s father and given to him, complete with his first pokemon, on the day of his tenth birthday. He twisted the top off and the strange, red light poured out and enveloped Cree, drawing her into the ball.

Rai pocketed the ball and spurred his new mount on with his heel. Grabbing the reins he directed Sid towards the path that Cree had pointed out. The way down was boulder-strewn and treacherous, but the Granico had obviously been this way before as he made his way down it as sure-footedly as if he were pulling his owners plough across a cabbage field. That was a thing, what would happen when Sid’s owner realised he was missing? In the heat of the moment Rai had skimmed over the consequences of his actions. He’d have to point him in the right direction once they were on the other side and hope that the slow-witted creature would find his way back.

Eventually they reached the precipice. The mirror cliff on the other side was about three metres away from the edge, but the yawning chasm in between made it seem like thirty. If Rai had ever watched TV then the view of the valley below would have reminded him of a Manic Manectric fall scene from PokeToons, with the thin, blue river winding between the jagged boulders at the bottom. But Rai would need more than a sign saying ‘Ouch!’ if he missed the target. Shaking with the prospect of what lay seconds away, Rai encouraged his borrowed steed as close to the edge as he dared.

“C’mon, Siddy. You know you can do it boy,” he whispered, “look, there’s a nice tasty patch of grass over on that side for you if you make it.”

That seemed to do it because, with a lick of his dextrous lips, the beast launched himself into the air. Unfortunately, in his haste to reach his next meal, Sid had forgotten to account for the extra wait on his back when he made his jump and only the front part of his body cleared the gap. The huge llama scrabbled with its stoney hooves on the gravely surface of the edge, but he was slipping fast. He could get no purchase on the side of the cliff with his back legs as the overhang was too shear.

“Graaa!” bleated the huge creature, his barrel chest sliding over the pebbles.

Meanwhile, Rai was frantically trying to free his feet from the stirrups so that he could climb over the llama’s head and help pull him up. But the time was up, Sid, the magnificent Granico and pride of his owner - Jose Luis, grower of carefully tended cabbages - lost his tenuous grip on the cliff and slid off into the pristine mountain air.

***​
 
Last edited:

CHeSHiRe-CaT

A Curious Breed
Goodness, I'm awfully glad I happened across this thread! I think it was your luscious, elaborate description of the ocean and the Tempest Mountains, and the clever language that yanked me in. Did you happen to be basing the setting on some area in South America? The entire time I was reading, I kept imagining that it was what Machu Picchu in Peru would have been like in the Pokémon world. XD

I don't have many beefs about this story, other than the slight lack of description of the "new" Pokémon mentioned in the beginning of the fic. It's a great read, and I'd love to see this continue. Here are just a few highlights:
[spoil]
The Cuaro Region. A dramatic place where towering mountains meet peaceful plains, boiling volcanoes meet sapphire lagoons and scorching deserts meet verdant forests. A place left untouched for millennia and unknown to all but the indigenous peoples of the mountain villages and the roaming tribes of the vast plains.
Beautiful imagery here. <3
But as the years of technical advancement in the regions across the sea have continued and the need for energy has swelled, the black gold of the Ouwahlu Desert and the towering trees of the Serpent Forest have drawn in many outsiders: scientists from the dismantled oil-works of Almia, miners from the long-spent quarries of Orre, and money-hungry tycoons from the grand cities of Kanto and Sinnoh.
I absolutely adore environmental themes. Kudos for that.
“RAIMUNDO THEODORE PACHAMA OF THE GREAT TEMPEST MOUNTAINS!” shouted a female voice,
I wish someone would yell something like that to wake me up every day. o__o;
Anybody who has ever slept in a hammock will tell you that sifting your weight as dramatically as Raimundo had just done is not advisable unless you wish to take a short, but highly comical, trip to the floor.
It's funny because it's true. XD
The yellow, woolly sheep pokemon, though very useful for making clothes (and delicious with potatoes on special occasions)
NOM NOM NOM NOM.

Also, very sad. XDDD; I love Mareeeeep.
Cree rolled her eyes but obviously ‘Sid’ wasn’t the smartest Granico in the world because he eagerly abandoned the perfectly edible patch of identical grass he’d been standing on and trotted over to the stems in Rai’s hand. As he munched the grass, the boy swung himself up onto the saddle without the slightest resistance from Sid.
Food bribes, ftw!
If Rai had ever watched TV then the view of the valley below would have reminded him of a Manic Manectric fall scene from PokeToons
Wile E. Coyote reference? O:[/spoil]

Anyhoo, keep up the great work! I'm interested to see what will happen next to Ethar and Raimundo (thunder world?).

~Chesh
 

Jake76

Well-Known Member
This isn't bad Jammy (still miss the DSC but alas...) I like the imagery here. You described the region beautifully, and the humor is still present. I.E. mareep for dinner xD. Good work so far
 

Yonowaru in Chaos

gaspard de la nuit
pumping the resources for all they’re worth. Spreading there poisons like a plague across the once magnificent region.

The last sentence should be linked with the one before it with a comma or a semicolon. By itself, the last sentence seems more like an attachment rather than an individual sentence.

re-directed his gaze inwards.

'redirected' is a proper word, I think.

A flock of Wingul where dive bombing

'Wingull' and 'were'. 'Dive-bombing' should be hyphenated, I think.

boy's eardrums

Apostrophe denoting possession of said eardrums.

Champion of the Cuaro Region would be their's!

Apostrophe denoting possession of said champion.

Since that doesn't make sense, I recommend you add 'title' or 'trophy' or something...just something to make it seem like the boy's not going to have the Champion in his possession, because that'd be awkward >______________>;

sifting your weight

'shifting' is what you're looking for :D

grumbled Raimundo into the rug,

I'm not sure what you mean here, but I'm pretty sure you can't grumble into a rug xD

shuffled laboriously

'labourously'

was grown; the farmers

Semicolon.

and then they continued hurriedly on their way.

'before continuing'

morning; now a solitary sheppard

Semicolon. Also, 'shepherd', unless the spelling is regionally different. The spelling also differs on the next paragraph.

anymore; one kick

You don't like using semicolons when you need to, do you? xD

extra wait on his back

'weight' :p

Your work is getting too lengthy D:<

Ahh, those old JAAJ days...still, your style is inherently present and while there are a few slip-ups here and there, it works well, and you should continue on with it. You tend to stuff a lot into one sentence though, and while I acknowledge your desire to describe things in detail, it's not so much as readable when they tend to include too many things. Sometimes, though, you also tend to split up sentences unnaturally. It's not found in the majority of the work, but it's enough to be a bit of an odd read.

The description is fantastic, and while you do neglect to describe some things (like the Decipoise), it's still a colourful image conveyed. Indeed, the imagery of Tempest Village is very well done (even though I don't think you described it a lot, actually xD).

Good work.
 

Inconspicuosaurus

Bone-ified dinosaur
Cheshire Cat:
Did you happen to be basing the setting on some area in South America?
Yes! (Cuaro - Ecuador anyone?) :D
The entire time I was reading, I kept imagining that it was what Machu Picchu in Peru would have been like in the Pokémon world. XD
That's exactly what I wanted you to do! (Yay, it worked. :D)

Thank for all your praise and for pointing out what you like best, now I know what to do more of. :)

I'm interested to see what will happen next to Ethar and Raimundo (thunder world?).
If you weren't then I wouldn't have done my job very well now would I? XD And yes, that's where I got it from. Despite being a south american name anyway it conveniently contains the Japanese for 'thunder' and the spanish for 'world', both of which are relevant to the story.

Jake 76: Thanks for commenting, and don't worry, there'll be more comedy later. :)

Yono: Thanks for all the advice and mistake spotting, I'll correct all those ASAP, and the new pokemon will be further described in later chapters - Montama and Granico especially as they'll feature a lot.
 

Inconspicuosaurus

Bone-ified dinosaur
*cough* bump*cough*

Ahem. Just a small note to say that I've added a 'Fact Files' section in the first post to clarify some trivia and things about Cuaro and its inhabitants, primarily the new pokemon and type (shockhorror :eek:) that appear in the region. And don't worry, aslong as you're up to date with chapters it won't have spoilers as I've only put in info that either will never be directly described in the fic or that already has. :)

There's also now a pm list for anyone who wants to be on it.

See ya next chapter (I'm starting tomorrow),
~JammyU
 

Inconspicuosaurus

Bone-ified dinosaur
OMG, triple post!
But I suppose the almost two month gap makes it viable. ^_^"

Sorry for the wait everyone, that is, everyone who hasn't given up on me by now. >.>
For various school-related and family reasons I didn't have any time at all to write until the Easter holidays. I have however already started Chapter 3, but I won't say when it'll be done because that always means it will be finished anywhen but then. :D

Anyway, here it is; Chapter 2, and don't forget to have a read through the 'Fact Files' up in the first post, but don't do it until you've read this chapter or it'll give some major stuff away. Don't say I didn't warn you. :)

Oh yeah, I'm trying out this Heroes-style "Somewhere - Someone" thing this chapter, let me know if you think I should continue with it.


Chapter 2: Thunder and Lightning.

Riven Peak - Zach

“I hope you appreciate this, Reafear,” mumbled the white-haired old man, stumbling up the last section of the not-so-beaten path of the old Route 310 with his walking stick clattering on the rough ground. It had been a gruelling hike, taking Zach the better part of three days, but the climb to Riven Peak would be worth it: looking to the South, he could see that the storm he’d been waiting for was on the way

As an Electric-type Gym Leader, Zach had a responsibility to raise his pokemon to be as tough as they could possibly be. That meant training and evolving his pokemon to their strongest forms. Unfortunately, one species of pokemon that lived in his Gym was notorious for its particularities of evolution.

Reafear, though reputably very wise and knowledgeable, were almost entirely immobile due to the fact that they were basically elongated balls of feathers; but for the piercing eyes and equally piercing beak at one end. The Reafear of the Tempest Gym were kept in one of the cavernous cellars dug into the mountain beneath the Gym, where they hibernated peacefully in preparation for evolution and were tended personally by Zach alone.

‘Kept,’ however, is possibly the wrong term as the Reafear had resided in the mountain’s caves since long before the human colonisation of the mountains. The pokemon had been discovered shortly after the village was founded, and, after Zach set up the Gym years later, he decided to study the strange pokemon’s ways. He eventually discovered that the pokemon spent most of their time gathering static electricity from the air, which, due to the almost constant stream of small thunder storms which gave the range its name, was not in short supply. However, further research indicated that a thunderstorm of immense power was needed to pump the pokemon with enough power to make the final leap into their next evolutionary stage.

Unfortunately for the elderly Leader, all the great storms of the Tempest Mountains were attracted towards the highest peak in the range. Towering over all others by at least fifty metres, this was Riven Peak; a mountain struck by lightning over and over again for so long that after a particularly violent storm many centuries ago, the mountain’s peak had completely split in two, leaving a jagged crack clearly visible from the Tempest Village. Of course, legends told a different story of a mighty battle between the minions of Rayquaza - the spirit of the air and Groudon - the beast of the earth, in which a valiant Raikou laid down his life in one mighty strike at the monster’s greatest strong-hold - using all his energy to tear the mountain in half and allow Rayquaza to finish the battle once and for all.

The end result of all this research and superstition was that Zach was currently attempting to carry a forty-five kilogram ball of feathers up the side of the most inaccessible mountain in the whole of the Cuaro region.

Being a wild pokemon simply in the custody of the Gym, the Reafear didn’t have a pokeball. Though Zach could quite easily have battled and caught it himself, the Reafear both refused to battle and to stay in the several balls that Zach had thrown at it on the off-chance it was too indifferent to care.

Eventually though, the odd-looking pair finally made it to the base of the gargantuan crack in the side of the mountain. Zach straightened up, grimacing as his vertebrae realigned themselves, and let the well-padded pokemon slip off onto the scorched ground. He was just about to breath an immense sigh of relief when he stopped stock-still. He could here voices.

Though the acoustics of the massive gouge in the mountain were certainly strange, the voices definitely sounded close, and they were not the voices of anyone he knew - nobody from the village would be stupid enough to climb up here without good reason, he was sure.

As the voices came closer, Zach darted behind a outcrop of rock. He was just in time too, as two men in pinstripe suits and corporate hard-hats appeared from around a larger outcrop further inside the mountain. They both wore dark glasses but Zach was fairly sure he wouldn’t have recognised them anyway; nobody he knew had the money or stupidity to dress like that

“As I suspected, Purge, this place is ****-full of Thunderstones,” said one of the men to the other as he walked ever-closer to where Zach was hiding, “I’d say this scouting mission has been a thorough success.”

So they were after the Thunderstones, thought Zach. Zach himself had known that the rare crystals that facilitated the evolution of certain species of pokemon could be found here for some time, in fact, he’d used them himself on several occasions during his training, but he had a feeling that these goons weren’t just after two or three.

“Absolutely, Mr. Lustre, Sir, should we be heading back now?” said the other man. He trailed slightly behind the other and, even though he was taller, he hunched over as though to accentuate his colleagues power over him.

“Not just yet, Purge, you have yet to mark out the route for the road. After all, if we are to start mining anytime soon, construction on a through route from the City must begin immediately.”

“Yes, Sir, absolutely, Sir.”

“If we find any more precious minerals up here, it could even become a new limb of the Triangle - we’ll be rich!”

“Indeed, Sir, but they would have to rename it, wouldn’t they?”

“What do you mean?” asked the leading man, turning to face his partner. He was obviously unaccustomed to his inferiors pointing out flaws in his plans.

“N-n-nothing , Sir, it’s just that the Triangle is a system of three roads that connect Russet City, Souhgem Bay and the Oil Works in the Ouwahlu Desert.”

“Yes, yes, I know that, Purge. I’m not stupid. What is your point?”

The hunched man was practically quivering now, “Well, if there was another road then it wouldn’t be a ‘Triangle’ anymore. It would be more of a square-with-a-weird-pointy-bit-out-the-side.”

“Yes, I see,” said the man called Lustre, “well, just put Route C-10 down for now. I’ll iron out the kinks later.”

Zach couldn’t believe it, taking Thunderstones without asking the locals was bad enough, but what was all that about mining? And who did they think they were, planning a road without so much as a passing query with those it would affect most?

“Hmm, Purge?” said Lustre, “did you feel a raindrop just then?”

“No, Sir, but I did see some dark clouds moving in earlier,” answered Purge, glancing up at the slash of sky high above.

“Well do something about it, will you, it’s bad enough that the altitude makes me nauseous, I don’t want to get wet as well.”

“Yes, Sir, right away, Sir,” the tall man reached into the inside pocket of his suit, and to Zach’s surprise brought out a pokeball. He tossed it into to the air and after a brief flash of white light, a small, grey pokemon appeared floating in midair in front of the man.

“Castform, Sunny Day,” ordered the pokemon’s trainer and the grey blob obeyed, launching what looked like some kind of bright flare up into the sky.

The glowing missile rocketed out past the shattered peak of the mountain and vanished out of sight amongst the already encroaching thunderclouds. A moment later there was a bright flash of light and Zach, who had been watching the whole process from his hiding place, winced and shielded his eyes with his hands. When he eventually blinked away the black spots from in front of his eyes, the whole sky had transformed; black clouds were replaced by completely clear blue skies above the opening in the mountain. The pokemon, too, seemed to have transformed. Its previously nondescript body had become a vibrant orange and some sort of jelly-like substance coated its entire frail-looking form.

That was the final straw. Not only were this pair of nitwits planning to hollow-out this amazing natural monument looking for precious stones and wealth-bringing minerals, but they had taken away the whole reason for Zach’s strenuous journey, and Reafear’s last chance of evolving for what could be months.

He itched to march out to the goons and confront them directly but, to his extreme annoyance, he realised that he had left neglected to bring any pokemon except Reafear with him on his journey. The Reafear itself was curled up in the shadow of the rock that Zach had been hiding behind and had so far gone un-noticed by the men. Expertly masking his disdain, Zach decided his own aggression would have to make up for that of his absent pokemon.

“Oi, you two, by what authority do you presume to foul this sacred place with your presence?” he asked the two men, forcefully announcing his presence as he strode out to give them both a peace of his mind. He paused to make sure he had the men’s attention and then continued, “You, short one, you call yourself ‘Lustre’ but what of the glimmering beauty of this landscape? How can you even contemplate building roads and mining out this amazing structure?” he shouted, letting his passion find the words.

In reaction, Lustre’s eyebrows slowly rose above the top of his sunglasses. He turned to his partner, “Purge,-” he started, but was cut-off by Zach drawing in breath for another proclamation, but his interruption only served to frustrate Lustre further.

“No, old man,” he raged, “I think you should stop your ridiculous rant right there and tell me by what authority you are here.”

Now, Zach was normally a distinguished figure, respected throughout the Tempest Mountains, but after being affronted in such a bare-faced, arrogant manner in his own home, this was rather lost in his next outburst.

“By what authority!? I am Zachario Boltone, Gym Leader of Tempest Village!! I have been a master of the art of Pokemon training for over 50 years and I will not stand for such insolence!!

“I see, the Gym Leader,” Lustre rolled his eyes behind his glasses as Zach’s attention turned to his partner.

“And what of you, Purge, now that’s a more fitting name. Who are you to play with the weather for your own convenience? Such techniques are for use in small-scale battles and no-when else!”

“Um, I-I,” stuttered Purge.

“If you have quite finished,” said Lustre, “then we will be on our way.”

“What do you mean, ‘on your way?’” asked Zach, flustered at the apparent lack of effect his speech had had.

“Purge, see to it that this insufferable OAP does not cause further trouble with our development,” instructed Lustre.

“But Sir, he’s a Gym Leader, his Pokemon must be much higher levels than mine,” panicked the nervous henchman.

“And what Pokemon are those, Purge,” said Lustre smugly.

“…” answered Purge.

“Exactly: no bag, no belt, no pokeballs insight. Even if he is a Gym Leader, this doddering old fool has neglected to bring so much as a Magikarp with him.”

The shorter man pulled out his own pokeball and tossed it into the air. A large, cream-coloured bird with a long, flowing, pink and yellow crest materialised in front of him.

Purge just had time to say “Then of course, Sir,” before his partner jumped onto the back of the bird and soared off through the gap in the mountain. After watching Lustre’s rapid exit, the gangly Purge turned his attention to Zach.

“You have to understand, Old Timer, I don’t want to do this,” he sneered, “but orders are orders.”

Zach glanced around nervously, Purge made no move to reach for another pokemon and, though tall, he didn’t look like the brawling type. So exactly how was he going to be dispatched? The hovering pokemon certainly didn’t seem up to the task even if Zach didn’t have any pokemon to protect him. The Castform had been bobbing around aimlessly since its last order and didn’t seem interested in much that was going on.

“Now that Lustre’s gone, I think it’s time for another change in the weather,” said Purge, Castform, Rain Dance!” he shouted at his pokemon.

Using whatever force kept it up in the air, the Castform started whizzing around in mid-air in ever-decreasing circles. As the name of the attack suggested, it seemed to be doing some sort of crazy dance. Suddenly, it halted its spinning and turned its face towards the sky. As it did so, the thunderclouds from earlier suddenly reappeared above the crack and the orange jelly around the Castform’s head was replaced by blue, which reshaped itself into the semblance of a rain-drop.

Purge seemed very pleased with himself, “Now, Castform,” he ordered, “use Thunder!”

The little pokemon turned its attention to the only possible target, Zach, and with a crackle of static from around the blue jelly a massive bolt of electricity screamed down from the clouds spiralling above.

As soon as the attack was called, Zach knew what was coming and he braced himself for what he knew was one of the strongest of all electric attacks. He heard the almost instantaneous clap of thunder, he saw the entire crevice light up, but he did not feel the coursing agony of one hundred million volts, because, to the surprise of both humans and pokemon, the bolt, which had been perfectly on target, curved away from Zach and seemingly into the ground not ten feet away.

But Zach knew that it had not gone directly into the ground. He knew what had attracted the strike and he knew what would happen next. He’d been waiting for that bright glow growing in the shadow for years and the time was finally here. The glow expanded and diverged until the Reafear’s body was lost amongst the searing light. Suddenly, with one last flash, the glow disappeared, but the creature within still shone like the Sun. The energy of evolution still coursing through its veins, the creature turned what must have been its head towards its trainer’s assailants and loosed its own Thunderbolt towards them. The man and the pokemon were thrown backwards onto the ground, stunned but not dead. Then, the shining beast swooped towards Zach and the elderly man found himself being carried out of the dark crack and back towards his village.

As the beast flew over the rugged mountain-tops, its glow slowly faded to reveal its new form. But Zach had little time to admire his new pokemon as he noticed something strange going on on the side of the East peak of the village, which they were approaching fast. He couldn’t see who it was, but somebody seemed to be attempting to climb down the side of the mountain on a Granico. As the figure reached a protruding ledge, Zach noticed the stream of Mareep pouring slowly across the bridge and realised what whoever it was was going to try to do.

“Surely they’re not…” he mumbled to himself.

His mount heard him and followed his gaze. It must have made the same deduction as he had as it suddenly accelerated. As it flew over the Gym, it let out a sound that was somewhere between a screech and a roar. In response, what looked like a green cloud rose up and began to tail them.

The great creature slowed just enough as it passed one of the villages precipices that Zach was just able to slide from its back, then, it folded in its wings and dropped like a stone to the incident below.

*** ***​

Approximately fifty metres from certain death - Raimundo Pachama.

“WAAAAaaaaAAAAAHHHHhhhh!!!!” screamed the terrified young boy as he sailed through the air with his eyes clenched shut against the spiralling, jagged rocks he knew were rushing up to give him a very painful welcome to the world beyond.

“GRrAAAAaaaoooOOOORRr!!!!” screamed the terrified Granico as he realised he would never eat that oh-so-juicy grass he’d seen on the cliff on the other side of the drop.

“WAAAAaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!- Ooff!” went the boy’s body. Rai’s descent had been abruptly stopped, but not as a abruptly as he’d thought it would, and with none of the agonising pain he’d expected to feel.

“GRRrraaaaooooo!!!- Ruh!?” went the llama as the rushing in his ears gradually slowed and was replaced by a sharp pain from the hair along his back.

“Swoosh….Swoosh….Swoosh,” a nice sound, almost peaceful; not one you’d expect to hear if you’d just died; and to Rai’s surprise, he seemed to not only have stopped falling but to actually be accelerating upwards. Bravely, he decided it was about time to open his eyes and find out just what was really going on.

The sight that met the boy’s eyes was as perplexing as it was magnificent. The sides of the canyon were sweeping past at a terrific pace and two enormous, green-feathered wings were beating the air on either side of his position on the similarly cloaked back of the creature which he seemed to be riding. In front of him was the creature’s head. It was mostly hidden by a large, elaborate crest but a viciously hooked beak could just be glimpsed between the long feathers and lightning-bolt shaped appendages. Behind, a similarly adorned tail corkscrewed through the air, its emerald scales glinting as they rose out of the shadows between the mountains.

As the pair cleared the side of the gorge and climbed up past the part of the mountain Rai had ridden down on Sid, the beautiful winged creature gradually slowed until it was hovering over the ledge where the bridge joined the side that the boy had been trying to reach.

Standing there, smiling as always and with his zany white hair stuck straight up on end as if it was perfectly normal was Zach: Leader of the Tempest Village Gym and Rai’s boss.

“You, Boy, are late for work!” called the elderly Leader, tilting his brown, wrinkled face up to the morning sun and squinting up at the boy on the great, green creature.

Rai’s mount wheeled round and came into land on the stony ground of the wide ledge, ruffling the Leader’s multi-coloured caftan with the powerful beats of its wings.

As he slid off of the feathery creature’s back, it coiled its scaly tail underneath itself and folded its enormous wings along its sides. Rai stepped backwards to get a better look at the thing from the front and find out exactly what had saved him.

In essence, it had the general shape of a huge, green bird, except that it had no legs and its body was far more serpentine. It tapered from where its waist would have been to a long, whip-lash tail which, as Rai had seen earlier, was covered in bright green scales that also spread up its front to cover the creatures belly, the rest of its body and its wings being covered in dark-green feathers. Its face was dominated by the razor-sharp, hooked bill which was lined with small, jutting fangs, and a pair of indigo eyes that peered down at the amazed young boy. Also observed by Raimundo as he had ridden the beast up from certain death were the magnificent crests that adorned the creatures crown and the tip of its tail with their long, lustrous feathers and golden lightning-bolts.

“Isn’t she a beaut’?” remarked Zach as he came up behind the awestruck Raimundo.

“She’s one of your pokemon?!” asked Rai, surprised, “But I’ve never seen her before, and I‘ve worked at the Gym for almost a whole year now.”

“Yes, indeed she is,” replied the leader, trying to conceal his pride, “and the reason you haven’t seen her would be that she was a Reafear until a few minutes ago.”

“I thought Reafear only evolved after especially violent storms,” puzzled Rai.

“Yes,” replied Zach, “it supplies them with energy they need to make the transition to Ampifear.”

“Ampifear, so that’s her name…” muttered Rai, still gob-smacked at the amazing creatures beauty.

“Actually, that’s why I was out at Riven Peak, but-”

“Uh, Leader, what’s that noise?” interrupted Rai.

Stunned by the events of the Ampifear’s appearance and life-saving flight, Rai had completely forgotten about his inadequately agile steed. Turning around to face the gorge, however, his fears were dispelled before they were realised as, preceded by a mad fluttering mass of green feathers, Sid the Granico appeared slowly and laboriously over the edge of the precipice

“Of course, said Zach, continuing on as if the sight before them was completely expected, “a pokemon such as Ampifear doesn’t come soaring straight over a crowded Gym without attracting reinforcements - a whole flock of them in fact.”

Sid was not happy. As well as almost dying once already that morning, his carefully trimmed fur was messed-up, sticking on end and even ripped out in places. His back hurt and his carefully polished rock plates were scratched up and even defecated in places. And all because of the forty or so blasted, tiny birds that were gripping him everywhere possible with their blasted, tiny claws.

Exhausted, bedraggled, and their tiny wings thoroughly spent, the entire flock of little, green birds released their grip and dropped their load onto the pebbly ground before simultaneously collapsing onto the same ground themselves, the whole flock gasping for breath in the thin mountain air.

Sid stood, legs splayed, knees shaking, his previously coifed fringe hanging in tatters in front of his big, brown eyes. After a brief pause, he flicked his mane over his neck, turned on the spot and trotted as dignifiedly as possible back down the mountain to find the grass he’d seen earlier from the ledge.

As the Granico’s brown-haired rump disappeared over the lip of the precipice, both Zach and Raimundo burst in fits of laughter on the gravel floor. At one disapproving glare from the Ampifear, however, the two suppressed their amusement and wiped the tears from their eyes.

“Ampikeet sure are strong for their size, aren’t they?” said Zach, once he’d regained his composure.

Rai, nodded his head mutely, still chuckling at the image of the man-handled Granico and the dozens of tiny birds.

“But I suppose they would be, being the first stage of what eventually becomes Ampifear over here,” continued Zach, pointing a thumb over his shoulder at the massive, coiled bird.

Rai’s silent laugh caught I his throat as he gasped in surprise, “you mean?”

“Yep, every one of the Gym’s ‘mysterious’ Reafear was once a plain old Ampikeet.”

Stunned by the ups and downs and streams of information of the last few minutes, Rai wandered over to the scattered pile of green fluff that was Sid’s saviours.

“I suppose we should help them back to the Gym,” said Zach, appearing at Rai’s shoulder again. Rai agreed and the two crouched down to assist their valiant helpers. The tiny birds hopped eagerly onto the boy and elder’s arms and clothes, their miniature crests bobbing on the tops of their heads. The birds, which were part of the huge flock that made their home on the cross-bars and struts of the Gym’s enormous conducting pylon, had become so much a part of the scenery for Rai that he’d never contemplated any relationship of theirs with the mysterious Reafear or the - until this morning - practically mythical Ampifear. All he knew about them was that they ate absurd amounts of bird-seed (which he had to scatter in the Gym’s yard every morning) for birds of such diminutive stature. Each one was eight inches tall from the top of their head to the tip of their stubby tail and they had bushy, lightning-shaped eye-brow tufts that gave them a permanent scowl that, now that he’d seen their relation, he saw mimicked the Ampifear’s perfectly.

Together, with those who failed to find purchase on the pair’s clothes hopping wearily along behind them, Zach and Rai carried the flock up two stone stair-cases and a rope-ladder to the Gym, where they fluttered off up to their favourite roosting spots.

Suddenly, something occurred to Rai and he spun around to face the direction they’d come from. from his position - the Gym was situated on the very top of the West Peak - he could see all the way down to the bridge, but, after not seeing what he was looking for there, he looked further a-field to the jagged horizon. There, a dark shape was flapping off into the south between two distant mountains.

“Leader, Sir,” asked Rai, “I thought you said the Ampifear was your pokemon.”

“Yes, Boy, it belonged to me once, if you can truly own such a thing.”

“Then where’s it going?”

Zach sighed, “I could not hope to contain a creature as wild as that. My cramped little dojo is no place for a pokemon of the sky,” the wizened old man bleared dreamily after the pokemon he’d cared for for so long. The Boy looked at him with such a worried expression on his face, but he could not possibly know the pain in him, he was not to know that the Leader had loved the Reafear like a member of his own family and that he had saved not just the life of Rai and the Granico that morning but Zach’s too.

“Now, Boy,” said Zach, straightening his back and turning to look at Rai face on, “Come inside, we have a long discussion ahead of us.”

***​

The short man with his frizzy, white hair strode purposefully, and quickly for his stature, along the Gym’s gloomy corridors, his sandals flopping against the dusty floor and his young assistant practically jogging after him whilst feebly trying to grovel at the same time.

“Leader, Sir, I’m so sorry I was late. It won’t happen again, I swear. It’s just that my brother snores and, and-”

Zach stopped dead and Rai almost ran into the back of him.

“Boy!” he shouted, turning around to look at Rai with a eyes so intense that they terrified the young boy. He had seen the Leader angry a few times before, but he was generally jovial, almost childlike, and his smile was renowned throughout the village. But he wasn’t angry now, no, the look that scared Rai so much was fear itself. There is something about seeing someone you depend on scared themselves that petrifies you to your very core.

“L-l-leader, I-?” Rai started.

“I have not called down to the cellar to talk about your tardiness, Boy!” boomed Zach.

Looking around, Rai saw that they really were in one of the underground passages, he’d been so caught up in worrying that he hadn’t noticed that they were descending or that the wattle and daub walls had become chiselled mountain bedrock.

Suddenly, Zach’s features softened once more, and a tentative smile appeared on his face, but it was so fake and his eyes remained so deplorable that it looked more like a grimace to the stunned Rai.

“Please, Rai,” he said quietly, “come in here with me.” he waved towards the low, wooden door he’d stopped in front of. He turned the ancient, rusty handle and beckoned Rai inside.

Behind the nondescript door was the most extraordinary room Rai had ever seen. In a village of one-room huts and stone-walled terraces, the Gym was obviously the most impressive building, but Rai thought he’d explored all its secrets in the time he’d been there, how had he walked past this room so many times without once wondering what lay behind it?

“Welcome to my study, Rai,” said Zach.

The room looked to be a standard size, but then, the far wall was cloaked in darkness; there was no telling what lay behind the curtain of shadow. The section nearest the door alone was lit up by an electrical chandelier in the domed, stone ceiling. In the small pool of light was a large, mahogany desk with a reading lamp and various papers scattered about it. On the walls were rows and rows of shelves, some made of the same wood as the desk and others hewn from the rock itself. Some of the shelves were filled with books of all shapes and sizes, but the majority were lined with more pokeballs than Rai had ever seen. There were the standard red and white kind and some carved from apricorns like Cree’s. The multitude had a black top with a yellow bar but some more obscure varieties were dotted around; green and purple ones, blue ones with black criss-cross patterns, and Rai even swore he saw one with a small, white ‘M’.

In one of the walls, there was a dark alcove, with a few pieces of straw poking out into the light. A low growling sound emanated from the space and then a pair of bright, glowing, red and yellow eyes flicked open in the darkness.

Suddenly, from behind the desk came a joyful barking sound and a blue and yellow canine came sprinting around the side of it and ran, skidding on the smooth stone floor, up to Zach, his tongue lolling playfully out of his fanged mouth. The dog jumped up at Zach, putting his paws up almost on his shoulders and barked happily in his wrinkled face.

“Down, Lightning, down Boy,” said the Leader, smiling and trying to brush off the pokemon, who was at least as tall as his trainer.

Suddenly, from the alcove in the wall, jumped a large, black, cat-like pokemon. It leapt clear across the room in one mammoth jump and landed in front of Rai. It growled low in its throat and stared at the boy with its all-seeing eyes. Its fur dark fur crackled with static electricity an its gaze seemed to root Rai to the spot.

“Thunder,” said Zach to the pokemon, “back down, Rai is a friend. OK?”

The cat gave one last growl and then padded over to rub itself against Zach’s back, purring contentedly. As soon as its stare was broken, Zach found he could move again.

“Sir, who are these pokemon?” he asked now that he could move his lips.

“These are Thunder and Lightning, not imaginative names, I know, but then when you’re ten years old you don’t really think long about that sort of thing,” he smiled.

“So they’re your first two pokemon? Wow. What are they?”

“Well, Lightning here is a Manectric,” he said, gesturing towards the yellow and blue dog. It had a large crest of vertical, yellow hair on its head and sharp, white claws on its four feet that skittered on the floor when it moved.

“And Thunder is a Luxray,” he continued, stroking the spiked, black mane of the large, cat. It had blue and yellow striped patches on the backs of its legs and a yellow, star-shaped end to its tail.

“Why haven’t I met them before, Sir? I normally prepare your team before challenges and I’d of thought you’d use our strongest pokemon as much as possible.”

“Well, Boy, these guys are almost as old as me, and I’m afraid that their battling days are long since over.”

“But they Lightning was running like mad when it saw you, and what about Thunder’s jump?”

“Oh, they certainly have enough to show their love, in their own way, when they want to, but a sustained battle is just too much.”

The two pokemon hung their heads in shame. Manectric quickly recovered and resumed his goofy smile, but Thunder walked back over to his alcove and, showing his age with the difficulty it caused him, clambered back up to his alcove.

“Now Rai, you mentioned challenges,” started Zach, walking over to pull up a swivel-chair by his desk and motioning for Rai to do the same, “that partly what I wanted to talk to you about. When was the last challenge I had, do you remember?”

“Well,” said Rai, clearing a few stray sheets of paper from a chair he’d dug out of the chaos around the desk, “there was that newbie from Youthville a few months ago and before that…”

“In actual fact, there have been three challenges in the year you’ve been here. I normally get three times as many as that,” answered Zach.

“Really, what do you think’s wrong? Do you think it’s the location, I mean we are at the top of a mountain.”

Zach chuckled absent-mindedly, “No Rai, I think something much more serious is going on. This morning, I was at Riven Peak and I ran into two strangers who were talking about building some kind of road through the mountains to get at the ‘resources’ in Riven Peak.”

“But that would ruin the landscape! As well as disturbing all the wild pokemon!”

“Exactly, I need to find out what is going on. I know somebody in Youthville that may be able to help us, but unfortunately I’m getting old, Rai, and that climb up to Riven Peak was almost too much for me. The trip down to the foot-hills and back might just finish me off.”

Rai looked embarrassedly down at his feet. Zach got up out of his chair, leaning on his stick, and turned towards the far back wall.

“Come with me, Boy” he said.

Rai caught up with the Leader and as they reached the edge of the pool of light cast by the chandelier, he clapped his leathery hands together. The sound reverberated unexpectedly and a light flicked on far in the distance, throwing just enough light to convince Zach that the room he was in was much larger than he originally thought.

As his eyes adjusted to the light, Rai began to see details in the gloom. Directly beneath the beam that shone straight down from the ceiling far above was a large, flat hump of stone that just about broke the surface of an enormous, black lake that stretched out to the pockmarked stone walls far away in the darkness. As the light bounced off the tiny ripples on the surface, Rai gazed down into the inky depths. Somewhere down there, he thought he could see other lights, slowly rising up to the surface.

“Sir, are there pokemon in there?” asked Rai, surprised.

“Well,” said Zach, some of the pokemon I accumulated on my journey are partial to the deepest of oceans, but when I set up the Gym, I found that they liked the waters of this lake just as much.”

Rai stared in awe as little, shining baubles on the end of bluish antenna bobbed around at the surface of the lake.

“Journeys are wonderful things Rai,” said Zach, staring nostalgically into the distance, “you meet new people and pokemon, you see new towns, cities and countries and you make friends along the way. It sounds corny but I think everyone should go on a journey at some point, even if it is just to the next village.”

Rai turned to face his mentor, “What are you saying, Leader?” he asked, the fact that he knew what was coming plastered clearly over his face.

“Rai, I want you to go to Youthville for me,” said Zach, fulfilling Rai’s hopes.

Though overjoyed, deep-down, Rai realistically wondered why the elder hadn’t asked one of the older, more experienced, villagers to help him. As if he’d read his mind, Zach answered his question before it passed his lips.

“Rai, I have asked you for several reasons:” he said, “one; you have your own pokemon, Cree should be very useful on your trip. Two; you’re old enough now to take on some responsibility. And three; you are the only one in the village with nothing better to do.”

Rai couldn’t help smiling as Zach reached up to put his arm around his young protégé’s shoulder.

“What do you say?” he asked.

“When do I leave?” replied Rai.

*** ***​


Ethar and Psymon - Souhgem Port.

<So this is the Cuaro region?> remarked Psymon, his big, watery eyes clearly showing his dissapointment.

“Yep,” said Ethar who was practically skipping ahead between the huge, rusty containers. “I mean,” he added quickly, “obviously the whole region isn’t like this.”

Souhgem Port was a town of two sides. The one side with its gaudy pier, souvenir shops and expensive restaurants was the ‘Gateway to Cuaro’ that was renowned throughout the rest of the world. But all this glitz and glamour hid the original and vital function of the port - the imports and exports that kept the black, industrial heart of the region running smoothly. After quickly diverting from the general flow of passengers towards the bar district shortly after they disembarked, Psymon and Ethar were currently experiencing the rather more dingy side of Souhgem that not many tourists got to see, but then, Ethar and Psymon weren’t your average tourists.

<I was expecting restaurants, bars, a drunkard or two,> muttered Psymon telepathically as he picked his way around the puddles, <anything but these endless metal boxes.>

The brief flash of morning sun he’d glimpsed as they left the boat had vanished as quickly as it had appeared and had done little to lift the damp and gloom from the maze of make-shift paths between the towers of crates that made up the port’s container yard.

<There are restaurants aren’t there?> asked Psymon, his cynicism turning slowly to desperation, <you promised me a decent meal after all that ship food.>

“I’m sorry, Psymon,” replied Ethar, “we still need to avoid large crowds of people. And besides, I don’t want to run into any of the ship staff looking for money.”

<You mean, you didn’t pay for the cruise?!>

“No, of course I paid for the cruise,” said Ethar, shocked, “it’s just that I think I may have accidentally packed one of the ship’s towels by mistake,” he turned as he walked and grinned at his partner.

Psymon rolled his pink eyes, <You know,> he said, <for a teenager on the run from pretty much everyone we’ve ever met, you have got to be the least rebellious person I have ever met.>

*** ***​
 
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DarkLava

Cyclone of Darkness~
Well, I've really been gone a long time. A whole new fic?!
I'm gonna miss DSC, I voted for you in the awards BTW. :)

Anyway, this really is excellent so far, I like the new pokes and the places are very well thought out and wonderfully described (though aren't the fact files kinda cheating?).

Lustre and Purge are intriguing, like Latias' signature move, right? I wonder who they work for...

Anyway, I'll ask to be put on the PM list (I see its looking a little bare :(), I'm still here so don't stop writing, ok? :D

DL
 
Yo yo yo?


The end result of all this research and superstition was that Zach was currently attempting to carry a forty-five kilogram ball of feathers up the side of the most inaccessible mountain in the whole of the Cuaro region.

Nice paragraph. =P


Exhausted, bedraggled, and their tiny wings thoroughly spent, the entire flock of little, green birds released their grip and dropped their load onto the pebbly ground before simultaneously collapsing onto the same ground themselves, the whole flock gasping for breath in the thin mountain air.

If I could've pictured them more clearly, I would've laughed harder. XD


“And Thunder is a Luxray,” he continued, stroking the spiked, black mane of the large, cat.

Unneeded comma.


<You know,> he said, <for a teenager on the run from pretty much everyone we’ve ever met, you have got to be the least rebellious person I have ever met.>

Met was used twice here, but eh.



I was always interested in DSC, so I have to ask - do you have to read the entire JAJ before reading this? Coz if you do, I got some readin' to do.

Anyway, really good start there. I have to get used to the new Pokemon, but yeah, if this turns out to be a trainer fic, at least I can give you props for an original start. =P

Nice job, and you so should have won the fanfic awards, not an idiot like me XD.
 

Inconspicuosaurus

Bone-ified dinosaur
Comments! From readers old and new, I see.

@DarkLava: You really have kept to what you said about being extremely inactive. :D Thanks for your vote, I may have scrapped DSC but all the support I got gave me that boost in moral that convinced me to start a-fresh.
Thanks, and the Fact Files are really just meant as an aid help you readers visualise as I do, think of them as illustrations. :)
Ah-hah, all in good time, all in good time...
Consider it done.

@Dramatic Melody:
Welcome!
:D I'm glad my attempts at comedy are having their desired effect. You can be sure I'll find ways to insert more later. ;)
Thanks for the grammar spots, I'll fix 'em immediately.
Nope, you certainly don't have to have read The DSC or JAJ, this is a whole new fic so you're just as up-to-date as everyone else. :)The fact files should help with the new pokes (that's what they're there for :)), and I can safely say that at least two thirds of this fic will not be your average trainer fic. ;)
Thanks for reading, would you like to be PMlistilised?
 
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elyvorg

somewhat backwards.
So here I am at last. Like with the first one, I read the newest chapter a while ago, but I never got around to reviewing despite having seen a couple of things I'd like to point out simply because doing a full-on review would take ages and I couldn't be arsed. I'm like that, I'm afraid. ^^;

To give an overview to start with, I love how much thought you've put into the Cuaro region. It gives it a really fresh and realistic feel, which is something a lot of fake regions don't seem to have. The whole concept of the rich outsiders bleeding it dry is an interesting and original one, and while I'm not that into political sorts of storylines, I'm sure you'll be able to keep my attention enough for me to keep reading.

Character-wise, Raimundo, who appears to be the main character, hasn't really made much of an impression on me yet; he just seems to be an ordinary boy (albeit one from a non-typical background) and I really couldn't describe his personality if you asked me to. I'd like to see some more of him so that we can get a better idea of what kind of person he is soon. Zach, despite having only been in one chapter, has been a lot more vibrant as a character and made a lasting impression, although there are times where you could have done a better job portraying him - I'll get to that later. Ethar is the most interesting simply because of his mysterious background and the question of how on earth he could fit into this storyline. Also because of his taste in Pokémon *cough*introduceOrvelalready8D*cough*. Psymon has a nicely cynical personality from what I've seen of him so far.

I'm going to go straight from a general thing onto Chapter 2, because I read Chapter 1 ages ago and never made any mental notes of stuff to say about it. So.

Of course, legends told a different story - of a mighty battle between the minions of Rayquaza - the spirit of the air and Groudon - the beast of the earth, in which a valiant Raikou laid down his life in one mighty strike at the monster’s greatest stronghold - using all his energy to tear the mountain in half and allow Rayquaza to finish the battle once and for all.
The large amount of dashes in this sentence make it pretty confusing. The first can work as a colon. The second and the third, however, are wrongly-placed. I can tell what you intended with them - you wanted to say:

"Rayquaza - the spirit of the air"

and

"Groudon - the beast of the earth"

but the way you have it it reads like "the spirit of the air and Groudon" is one part of the sentence which supposedly works on its own and which the rest of the sentence could make sense without. Obviously, this isn't the case. It would probably be a better idea to just enclose the "the spirit of the air" and "the beast of the earth" parts with commas to achieve the level of separation you need. Thus, you have:

"Rayquaza, the spirit of the air, and Groudon, the beast of the earth,"

which should hopefully sound better. As for the last dash in this sentence, it doesn't need to be a dash at all and would be better off as a comma. The sentence does overall seem rather long, though - you might want to consider rewording some of it slightly.

...I don't quite know why I felt the need to talk about the punctuation of one sentence in this much depth. Hopefully it'll be of some vague use to you in the future.

Regardless, I like how you ended this long section of explanation with the blunt point about Zach lugging around a giant ball of feathers. It had a nice comedic touch to it.

Moving on, and the one thing I particularly wanted to talk about this chapter was the villains, Lustre and Purge. While I kind of like their names, I do worry that it gives them a bit too much of a clichéd "evil duo" feel, similar to Jessie and James, Butch and Cassidy, etc. And I'm afraid that the clichéd-evil-duo feel is something I'm getting a good bit of from their personalities, too. Lustre is the one in control who's all intelligent and powerful but who offloads all the actual hard work to his minion, Purge, who he also moans and gets annoyed at whenever the slightest thing goes wrong. Purge, meanwhile, is the evil-sidekick who's forever sucking up and trying to impress his master, giving off the impression of being bumbling and stupid because of how much his master likes to yell at him.

Now, I'm not sure how accurate this is to what those characters are actually like, but that's the impression I'm getting from them so far. It's not a good one - it feels rather more like something out of a children's cartoon. If you want your antagonists to be reckonable forces within your fic, you're going to need to make them a lot more three-dimensional, human and interesting. Lustre needs more than just a love of money and power. Purge, especially, needs to do more than just cower over his boss's orders. They need to feel like real people, not cardboard cut-outs you just plonked in the "villain" role just for the sake of having something there.

don't worry, my own antagonists were rubbish to begin with too.

Another thing in that scene I didn't like that much was Zach's confrontation and speech to the villains. This kind of thing can work well and make the character performing it into someone fairly awesome, but you seemed to have some problems with the execution.

For one thing, Zach didn't bother stopping to make sure that they were actually listening to him before he began preaching. He's aware that he's just wandered up to them, Pokémon-less and looking like a crazy old fool, so if he has any sense at all he's going to make sure that A, they're paying any attention towards him at all, and B, that they don't see him as a crazy old fool before he starts spouting anything, otherwise he'll just fail epically. The way he just addresses Lustre out of nowhere and then starts talking about the beautiful landscape before the guy can even acknowledge him really missed the mark.

“You, short one, you call yourself ‘Lustre’ but what of the glimmering beauty of this landscape? How can you even contemplate building roads and mining out this amazing structure?” he shouted.
The lack of a comma between "Lustre" and "but", where there should gramatically be one, also gave the impression that he was talking really quickly without thinking, like a rambly old fool. Putting more pauses and/or sentence breaks would make it seem a lot more like Zach is really putting thought and care into what he says.

Additionally, I don't like the use of the word "shouted" here. While I can see that you were trying to portray a certain level of anger, the word also has connotations of someone being rather noisy and annoying, and it, again, made Zach come across like he was a whiny person not worth listening to. I'm not sure what word I'd replace it with, but there's loads of options out there, and I'm sure quite a few could get across that quiet fury without making him sound like a crazy fool.

In reaction, Lustre’s eyebrows slowly rose above the top of his sunglasses. He turned to his partner, “Purge,-” he started, but he was cut-off by the Leader's continuing rant.

Hold on a minute, I’m not finished with you two. You, Purge - now that’s a more fitting name. Who are you to play with the weather for your own convenience? Such techniques are for use in small-scale battles and no-when else!”

Again, calling it a "rant" gives a similar feel that "shouted" did, and while Lustre and Purge may see it as a rant, your narration shouldn't be calling it that if you want Zach to come across as the one in the right here.

The bolded bit is also not the best way to talk to someone in this particular situation: it's incredibly condescending - something which should only be exhibited by someone who knows they have the upper hand (Zach knows he doesn't) - and just gives the villains even more reason to ignore what he says and dismiss him as an old fool not worth their time. Which is exactly what they do.

In summary, both you and Zach himself have made him come across as an crazy fool and therefore everything he was trying to argue for seems insincere and unimportant, and you've given Lustre and Purge every logical reason to ignore him.

While this could to some extent have been your intention, I doubt it. I'm getting the impression that you want Zach to be a wise and respectable man, someone who loves nature and the beauty of his home region. I also assume that since Zach and Rai are the good guys and Lustre and Purge are the bad guys, you want us to believe in what Zach says, and to think that the villains must be ignorant and care about nothing but money to be able to dismiss him. And I know speeches like this can be pulled off well - I've seen it happen in other media several times.

So how could you make it work? A suggestion would be to have Zach engage the men in conversation first to make absolutely sure they're paying attention to him. I'd also recommend he introduces himself as the Gym Leader of the town; it'd establish his authority and - even if they still don't see him as that significant - give the men a reason to respect his words. Additionally, don't have him just stop once he's said his bit (this is something I didn't mention above but it's another reason the speech sounds forced and insincere), make him seem angry/frustrated that the men are ignoring him - perhaps have him desperately try to make Lustre listen as he flies away. And, overall, make sure we understand that Zach really believes in those words he's saying.

I've said all this because I find it a shame that such a potentially awesome and inspiring moment fell flat.

I think I'll go onto the next scene because I've said enough about the first one for you to be thinking over for now. About the Heroes-style openings, I'm not sure if they're really that needed - I guess it depends if you're going to be switching scenes quite often or not. Regardless, I have to say I was amused by the "Approximately fifty metres from certain death" location of this one. xP

I seem to remember that, while reading this for the first time, Ampifear struck me as a very beautiful creature, so you must have done a pretty good job of describing it. I do, however, wonder how on earth Raimundo could fail to notice the evolutionary link between Ampikeet and Reafear - how many green-feathered birds with lightning bolts for eyebrows do you see?

Speaking of, Sid's emergence over the cliff while being carried by a flock of Ampikeet was unclear, simply because you chose not to mention the Ampikeet to begin with and so I assumed he was climbing over the edge on his own steam, before having to adjust my mental image of it a couple of paragraphs later.

“Boy!” he shouted, turning around to look at Rai with a eyes so intense that they terrified the young boy. He had seen the Leader angry a few times before, but he was generally jovial, almost childlike, and his smile was renowned throughout the village. But he wasn’t angry now, no, the look that scared Rai so much was fear itself. There is something about seeing someone you depend on scared themselves that petrifies you to your very core.
You had the same problem of giving me one impression before replacing it with another here - I assumed he was angry until you told me he was scared - which is a real shame because the last sentence of this is something I totally agree with and love seeing in fictional characters. Once again, potentially awesome concept, slightly off with the execution.

“Welcome to my study, Rai,” said Zach.
This is nothing much, but I feel like mentioning that it struck me on my second read-through how a line like this is a really nice way to open into the paragraph or description that followed.

Suddenly, from behind the desk came a joyful barking sound. It had come from a blue and yellow canine that sprinted around the side of the desk and ran, skidding on the smooth stone floor, up to Zach, his tongue lolling playfully out of his fanged mouth. The dog jumped up at Zach, putting his paws up almost on his shoulders and barked happily at his wrinkled face.

“Down, Lightning, down boy,” said the Leader, smiling and trying to brush off the Pokemon, who was at least as tall as his trainer.

Suddenly, from the alcove in the wall, jumped a large, black, cat-like Pokemon. It leapt clear across the room in one mammoth jump and landed in front of Rai. It growled low in its throat and stared at the boy with its piercing eyes. Its fur dark fur crackled with static electricity and its gaze seemed to root Rai to the spot.
This is also nothing much, but starting both paragraphs here with "Suddenly" sounds rather repetetive, especially since both paragraphs contain one of the Pokémon jumping from their hiding place.

I appear to have reached the end of the things I wanted to mention. I look forward to Rai's journey to Youthville getting underway - I'm not sure quite how someone there could be of any help, but I'm sure we'll soon see.

To summarise my comments on the chapter.

- I want to see more of Rai's personality. I only mentioned it briefly at the start so I'm mentioning it again.

- Be careful with your word choice when referring to Zach. While I gather he's a bit eccentric, and that's absolutely fine, there's a fine line between coming across as eccentric and coming across as a doddering old fool. Make sure we can still see that wisdom and respectability.

- Particularly with potentially awesome moments, take care with your execution. Step back from being the author and try to see things how a reader would see it - are you properly getting across the emotion/idea you're trying to portray, or does it get diluted somewhere between your mind and the keyboard?

- Introduce Orvel, because he's probably going to become my favourite character. =D

Oh, and I also forgot to more than vaguely mention during all this that I like the slightly comedic tone your writing has. You seem to be very skilled at that.
 
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Inconspicuosaurus

Bone-ified dinosaur
So here I am at last. Like with the first one, I read the newest chapter a while ago, but I never got around to reviewing despite having seen a couple of things I'd like to point out simply because doing a full-on review would take ages and I couldn't be arsed. I'm like that, I'm afraid. ^^;

It would be enormously hypocritical for me to lecture you on laziness and, scanning down the page, it looks like the wait has been worth it anyway. :)

To give an overview to start with, I love how much thought you've put into the Cuaro region. It gives it a really fresh and realistic feel, which is something a lot of fake regions don't seem to have. The whole concept of the rich outsiders bleeding it dry is an interesting and original one, and while I'm not that into political sorts of storylines, I'm sure you'll be able to keep my attention enough for me to keep reading.

Though the overall political setting is certainly important, it will be more of a back seat driver for the majority of the fic; creating the scenarios and personas rather than the plot itself. And thanks for the bit about Cuaro, I really have spent ages designing it; in my head and on paper.

Character-wise, Raimundo, who appears to be the main character, hasn't really made much of an impression on me yet; he just seems to be an ordinary boy (albeit one from a non-typical background) and I really couldn't describe his personality if you asked me to. I'd like to see some more of him so that we can get a better idea of what kind of person he is soon.

That you will. Just wait for Chapter 3. ;)

Zach, despite having only been in one chapter, has been a lot more vibrant as a character and made a lasting impression, although there are times where you could have done a better job portraying him - I'll get to that later. Ethar is the most interesting simply because of his mysterious background and the question of how on earth he could fit into this storyline. Also because of his taste in Pokémon *cough*introduceOrvelalready8D*cough*. Psymon has a nicely cynical personality from what I've seen of him so far.

Well, Ethar's doing what he's supposed to then. XD Mysterious he is and mysterious he will continue to be. I assure you his past is as eventful as it seems and will eventually be revealed (though you may have to wait quite a while :p).

I'm going to go straight from a general thing onto Chapter 2, because I read Chapter 1 ages ago and never made any mental notes of stuff to say about it. So.


The large amount of dashes in this sentence make it pretty confusing. The first can work as a colon. The second and the third, however, are wrongly-placed. I can tell what you intended with them - you wanted to say:

"Rayquaza - the spirit of the air"

and

"Groudon - the beast of the earth"

but the way you have it it reads like "the spirit of the air and Groudon" is one part of the sentence which supposedly works on its own and which the rest of the sentence could make sense without. Obviously, this isn't the case. It would probably be a better idea to just enclose the "the spirit of the air" and "the beast of the earth" parts with commas to achieve the level of separation you need. Thus, you have:

"Rayquaza, the spirit of the air, and Groudon, the beast of the earth,"

which should hopefully sound better. As for the last dash in this sentence, it doesn't need to be a dash at all and would be better off as a comma. The sentence does overall seem rather long, though - you might want to consider rewording some of it slightly.

...I don't quite know why I felt the need to talk about the punctuation of one sentence in this much depth. Hopefully it'll be of some vague use to you in the future.

I hate to say this, but I already spotted that and changed that sentence to almost exactly what you suggested in my MSWord copy. Unfortunately, I must have forgotten to make the same adjustments in the post. ^_^" But don't worry, I'm sure your lengthy review of that one sentence will indeed be of some use one day, no matter how vague it turns out to be.

Regardless, I like how you ended this long section of explanation with the blunt point about Zach lugging around a giant ball of feathers. It had a nice comedic touch to it.

You're the second person to say that; though I don't remember trying to make that as funny as it apparently is. *shrug* I guess I shouldn't look a gift-horse in the mouth (or should that be a gift Granico? :D).

Moving on, and the one thing I particularly wanted to talk about this chapter was the villains, Lustre and Purge. While I kind of like their names, I do worry that it gives them a bit too much of a clichéd "evil duo" feel, similar to Jessie and James, Butch and Cassidy, etc. And I'm afraid that the clichéd-evil-duo feel is something I'm getting a good bit of from their personalities, too. Lustre is the one in control who's all intelligent and powerful but who offloads all the actual hard work to his minion, Purge, who he also moans and gets annoyed at whenever the slightest thing goes wrong. Purge, meanwhile, is the evil-sidekick who's forever sucking up and trying to impress his master, giving off the impression of being bumbling and stupid because of how much his master likes to yell at him.

Now, I'm not sure how accurate this is to what those characters are actually like, but that's the impression I'm getting from them so far. It's not a good one - it feels rather more like something out of a children's cartoon. If you want your antagonists to be reckonable forces within your fic, you're going to need to make them a lot more three-dimensional, human and interesting. Lustre needs more than just a love of money and power. Purge, especially, needs to do more than just cower over his boss's orders. They need to feel like real people, not cardboard cut-outs you just plonked in the "villain" role just for the sake of having something there.

Hmmm, I guess the stereotypical villain thing was neither funny nor adequately realistic. Seeing as I was hoping Lustre and Purge could be both (and they obviously weren't) I'm considering reworking that section.

don't worry, my own antagonists were rubbish to begin with too.

Lies!

Another thing in that scene I didn't like that much was Zach's confrontation and speech to the villains. This kind of thing can work well and make the character performing it into someone fairly awesome, but you seemed to have some problems with the execution.

For one thing, Zach didn't bother stopping to make sure that they were actually listening to him before he began preaching. He's aware that he's just wandered up to them, Pokémon-less and looking like a crazy old fool, so if he has any sense at all he's going to make sure that A, they're paying any attention towards him at all, and B, that they don't see him as a crazy old fool before he starts spouting anything, otherwise he'll just fail epically. The way he just addresses Lustre out of nowhere and then starts talking about the beautiful landscape before the guy can even acknowledge him really missed the mark.

Although he was doomed to fail, and he knew it as soon as he realised he had no pokemon with him, I didn't mean him to seem quite as helpless as he presumably did. The reason he came out all guns blazing without stopping to check that they were listening was partially because he was trying to 'make up for his pokemon's aggression with his own' as I believe I said. Still, after that I think I will revise that section as there are now several things that you've helped me see I can do much better.

The lack of a comma between "Lustre" and "but", where there should gramatically be one, also gave the impression that he was talking really quickly without thinking, like a rambly old fool. Putting more pauses and/or sentence breaks would make it seem a lot more like Zach is really putting thought and care into what he says.

Though his excessive use of imagery was supposed to come out as he spouted rubbish in panic, this was not the effect I wished it to have. Definite re-work.

Additionally, I don't like the use of the word "shouted" here. While I can see that you were trying to portray a certain level of anger, the word also has connotations of someone being rather noisy and annoying, and it, again, made Zach come across like he was a whiny person not worth listening to. I'm not sure what word I'd replace it with, but there's loads of options out there, and I'm sure quite a few could get across that quiet fury without making him sound like a crazy fool.

Quiet fury?! He's just wasted three days of his life and several of his vertebrae climbing up a bloody mountain, I'd shout if I was him! But yeah, it doesn't come across as I wanted. Though I don't need any more reasons to re-work that bit, that certainly shows me what else I need to work on.



Again, calling it a "rant" gives a similar feel that "shouted" did, and while Lustre and Purge may see it as a rant, your narration shouldn't be calling it that if you want Zach to come across as the one in the right here.

The bolded bit is also not the best way to talk to someone in this particular situation: it's incredibly condescending - something which should only be exhibited by someone who knows they have the upper hand (Zach knows he doesn't) - and just gives the villains even more reason to ignore what he says and dismiss him as an old fool not worth their time. Which is exactly what they do.

Ah, you see, they don't know he has no pokemon. He wants them to think he has the upper hand, thus the patronising tone.

In summary, both you and Zach himself have made him come across as an crazy fool and therefore everything he was trying to argue for seems insincere and unimportant, and you've given Lustre and Purge every logical reason to ignore him.

While this could to some extent have been your intention, I doubt it. I'm getting the impression that you want Zach to be a wise and respectable man, someone who loves nature and the beauty of his home region. I also assume that since Zach and Rai are the good guys and Lustre and Purge are the bad guys, you want us to believe in what Zach says, and to think that the villains must be ignorant and care about nothing but money to be able to dismiss him. And I know speeches like this can be pulled off well - I've seen it happen in other media several times.

So how could you make it work? A suggestion would be to have Zach engage the men in conversation first to make absolutely sure they're paying attention to him. I'd also recommend he introduces himself as the Gym Leader of the town; it'd establish his authority and - even if they still don't see him as that significant - give the men a reason to respect his words. Additionally, don't have him just stop once he's said his bit (this is something I didn't mention above but it's another reason the speech sounds forced and insincere), make him seem angry/frustrated that the men are ignoring him - perhaps have him desperately try to make Lustre listen as he flies away. And, overall, make sure we understand that Zach really believes in those words he's saying.

Thank you so much, not only have you showed me exactly what needed changing, but you've told me how to change it too. =D Please say you'll review the rest of the story as it appears.

I've said all this because I find it a shame that such a potentially awesome and inspiring moment fell flat.

I think I'll go onto the next scene because I've said enough about the first one for you to be thinking over for now. About the Heroes-style openings, I'm not sure if they're really that needed - I guess it depends if you're going to be switching scenes quite often or not. Regardless, I have to say I was amused by the "Approximately fifty metres from certain death" location of this one. xP

Really, that one was the main reason I included them. XP That, and I will be switching between scenes a lot as the third and final plot line emerges next chapter.

I seem to remember that, while reading this for the first time, Ampifear struck me as a very beautiful creature, so you must have done a pretty good job of describing it. I do, however, wonder how on earth Raimundo could fail to notice the evolutionary link between Ampikeet and Reafear - how many green-feathered birds with lightning bolts for eyebrows do you see?

The point is that he's never seen an Ampifear before, nor the Reafear in the Gym's cellars, so he sees no reason to link a near-legend with what is the Tempest mountains equivalent of a pigeon.

Speaking of, Sid's emergence over the cliff while being carried by a flock of Ampikeet was unclear, simply because you chose not to mention the Ampikeet to begin with and so I assumed he was climbing over the edge on his own steam, before having to adjust my mental image of it a couple of paragraphs later.

Yeah, it could do with another sentence just to clarify that. >.<


You had the same problem of giving me one impression before replacing it with another here - I assumed he was angry until you told me he was scared - which is a real shame because the last sentence of this is something I totally agree with and love seeing in fictional characters. Once again, potentially awesome concept, slightly off with the execution.

Well, that's exactly what Rai saw, and what I wanted you to see too. Maybe I can play around with that a bit to make it seem more intentional.


This is nothing much, but I feel like mentioning that it struck me on my second read-through how a line like this is a really nice way to open into the paragraph or description that followed.

Y'know, it took me about three different re-writes of the paragraph that was there before I realised that that sentence said all that needed saying.


This is also nothing much, but starting both paragraphs here with "Suddenly" sounds rather repetetive, especially since both paragraphs contain one of the Pokémon jumping from their hiding place.

Damn, you weren't supposed to notice that. >_<

I appear to have reached the end of the things I wanted to mention. I look forward to Rai's journey to Youthville getting underway - I'm not sure quite how someone there could be of any help, but I'm sure we'll soon see.

Oh, you will.... *mysterious musical flourish*

To summarise my comments on the chapter.

- I want to see more of Rai's personality. I only mentioned it briefly at the start so I'm mentioning it again.

- Be careful with your word choice when referring to Zach. While I gather he's a bit eccentric, and that's absolutely fine, there's a fine line between coming across as eccentric and coming across as a doddering old fool. Make sure we can still see that wisdom and respectability.

- Particularly with potentially awesome moments, take care with your execution. Step back from being the author and try to see things how a reader would see it - are you properly getting across the emotion/idea you're trying to portray, or does it get diluted somewhere between your mind and the keyboard?

- Introduce Orvel, because he's probably going to become my favourite character. =D

Check, check, check aaaand.... you'll have to wait, won't you. XD

Oh, and I also forgot to more than vaguely mention during all this that I like the slightly comedic tone your writing has. You seem to be very skilled at that.

Thankyou. ^_^

That has got to be the best review I've ever gotten: I know exactly what to do and how to do it. I am thoroughly gobsmacked. Sincerely thank you for all the time and effort you clearly put into this just to help out my little fic.
Thanks again (and come back for the re-written bits, m'kay?)
~JammyU
 
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elyvorg

somewhat backwards.
I'm very flattered to hear that I can at least pull off a helpful review when I eventually get around to doing one. It kinda makes up for the fact that I really don't review as much as I should. ^^;

Replying to a couple of things here just to help clarify further/throw out a couple more points.

Although he was doomed to fail, and he knew it as soon as he realised he had no pokemon with him, I didn't mean him to seem quite as helpless as he presumably did. The reason he came out all guns blazing without stopping to check that they were listening was partially because he was trying to 'make up for his pokemon's aggression with his own' as I believe I said. Still, after that I think I will revise that section as there are now several things that you've helped me see I can do much better.

Hmm. If, as you say, Zach is aware of how hopeless his epic speech is, then it might have been interesting if you focused more on that angle - if you drew more attention to how knowingly-screwed Zach was and still had him give that speech in the face of a hopeless situation, he would have come across as even more awesome. I'm not sure exactly how this could be done, but a little playing around with the narration here might be worth a shot?

As it originally was, I didn't really latch onto Zach knowing it was hopeless, so his efforts themselves seemed futile, rather than seeming like determination in the face of futility, as they could have been.

Quiet fury?! He's just wasted three days of his life and several of his vertebrae climbing up a bloody mountain, I'd shout if I was him!
Ah. That would be my mistake. As I was writing all this stuff about Zach's speech, I had in mind a certain other character I like who is particularly good at this kind of thing and does it often. Said character, however, tends to use quiet fury in his approaches, and it failed to occur to me that not everyone does it the same way and that Zach may indeed prefer the "loud fury" option.

So yeah. I think my point is still somewhat valid if you just remove the word "quiet", though.

Ah, you see, they don't know he has no pokemon. He wants them to think he has the upper hand, thus the patronising tone.
Reading that line again, I can see your point there. It's a little difficult for a reader to get that, though - since we know Zach has no Pokémon, the only way for it to really seem like he's trying to pretend he does is for us to put ourselves in Lustre and Purge's shoes and think about what it might sound like to them, and putting oneself into the villain's shoes isn't something a reader is likely to do in a scene like this. I'm not sure how to sort this, either - maybe try changing Zach's tone to a less condescending, more threatening one to make it clearer what he's trying to achieve? Or you could perhaps allude to the idea that he's trying to make it sound like he has Pokémon on him in the narration... but I don't know if that'd be spelling things out for the reader too much or not.

Well, that's exactly what Rai saw, and what I wanted you to see too.
But the thing is, what Rai saw wasn't, initially, the same thing as I was seeing. While "intense" probably is a very fitting word for the fear Rai saw, it can also mean other things. You said his eyes were "intense" and that they frightened Rai; the most obvious assumption from this is that Zach was angry. It was only later on in that paragraph that I realised his true emotions and had to retcon my mental image to fit. While "intense" is a powerful word, you need a different one that won't be misinterpreted to get that immediate whoa, he's scared reaction.


I'm afraid I can't promise that I'll be able to review every single chapter like this - I'm currently busy and perpetually lazy and there are some other fics out there that I also really need to review more often than I actually do.

On a final note -

aaaand.... you'll have to wait, won't you. XD
But...! D:
 

Crystic

Pokémon Master
It has been a long time Jammy! I haven't been on the forums in forever, and you find the time to make a whole new fic. That is just awesome.

Well Jammy, I can safely say that this is a great new fic, despite the fact that you have time constraints. I'm seeing that this fic has potential; actually it has enormous potential! So don't screw it up.

Now, I know Rai is the main character, but I have absolutely no idea what his personality is like. The thought I have know is basically a naruto-eske hero. The scene from when he was riding Cree in the village really opened my mind to that a little bit. I feel like I know Zack more than I do him; and to a lesser extent, Ethar. And what's with the male Gardevoir? It is very strange for me to concept the idea even though it's whole-heartedly possible in the games to get one. What's next, a male Lopunny? What's this world coming to? But, enough of my ranting. This fic looks good and the writing is well done. Although, I remember seeing the word precipice like 5 times. >.>
Anywho, add me to the PM list if you would.

And let me remind you that even if you have bad circumstances and can't write that much, as long as you keep writing, even if it's half-arse, you should be good. Not that I'm saying it's half-arse, rather, it's better writing half-arse than nothing at all. :p
 
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Inconspicuosaurus

Bone-ified dinosaur
@ Crystic: I'm glad to see you back, your reviews always helped me with JAJ and DSC.
I knew when I had it that this idea had potential, I just hope I can live up to it! ^_^"
I've never seen Naruto and Rai rode Sid, not Cree, so any similarity to Naruto is pure coincidence I'm afraid. Hopefully, Rai's character will become more evident in the coming chapters, but I'm glad you think Zach and Ethar's are coming through all right.
Psymon being a male Gardevoir will definitely be an issue raised in up-coming chapters. ;)

It may have been almost three months since I posted Chapter 2, but Chapter 3 is finally here! And I've even started Chapter 4 already (and written up a bit of back-story too). And now that exams are over I can get back to writing again! I'm also working on something a little special that should be ready in a few weeks... but enough hints, on with Chapter 3. Oh, and I've made some of the changes to Chapter 2 that Elyvorg helped me with too. One other note, I've changed Montama and Granico's fur colour from green to brown, I have no idea why I made it green in the first place and brown is more llama-ish anyway. Sorry for any confusion this may cause. ^^ Oh yeah, don't forget to check out the Fact Files for the new Pokemon in this chapter and the amazing pictures for Blophin and Decipoise that The Great Mick has done for me.

Chapter Three: Disagreements, Dark-Types and Disembarkation.

Tempest Village - Rai and Cree.

After Zach had assigned Rai his quest (or at least that’s how he liked to think of it) he had run straight home across the now vacated bridge to pick up supplies for his journey, releasing Cree from her Apricorn ball along the way to tell her excitedly about their upcoming adventure.

Rai’s family had all reacted in different ways to the news of his departure when he burst into their little home: His mother had started reeling off a great list of advice (including such gems as, “make sure you don’t walk off any cliffs now,” and “you will remember your thermal underwear, won’t you?”). In contrast, his father had started blubbering into his home-cooked lunch and Tommy had immediately asked his mother if he could have the larger hammock while his brother was away. On the whole though, they were all very supportive in their own way and together loaded up the soon-to-be-adventurer with enough food, clothes and uncountable other provisions to last him ten times the week it would take Rai to reach Youthville.

By the time Rai’s mother had finished her speech and Rai had calmed his emotional father, the sun was setting behind Riven Peak and the shadows were lengthening in the mountain-top village, so, reluctantly, Rai decided to wait till the next morning until setting out on his journey.

After a night filled with dreams of escapades to come, Rai woke early for the first time in his life. He flung himself out of bed just as the Sun was beginning to peak through the slatted blinds and he was sitting at the breakfast table waiting to say his goodbyes before the rest of his family had even begun to stir. While he was waiting, he decided to let Cree out of her ball again just so that he could have someone to release his pent-up excitement on. Fortunately, he had no chance of waking his family as the Tempest village people had adapted to the constant thunderstorms their nights brought by being some of the deepest sleepers humankind had ever known.

The little llama, however, was apparently just as excited as Rai was, if still a little peeved at being shunned the day before. She galloped gleefully around the small hut as her trainer described the treacherous, danger-wrought, sign-posted and well-trodden route through the mountains that they’d have to take. But when he mentioned the Pokemon they might see and that he might even be able to catch some, she froze mid-pirouette and gave him an icy glare.

“Of course,” stuttered Rai fretfully, “you’ll always be my first Pokemon.”

Cree rolled her amber eyes as if to say, Uh, yeah, unless you plan on time-travelling any time soon.

“I mean,” tried Rai again, “you’ll always be my favourite Pokemon.”

Cree shut off her evil-eye, but sat down on her haunches grumpily, her excited mood obviously halted somewhat.

“Even if I catch one of those amazing, beautiful, extraordinary, powerful… Ampifear,” finished Rai, slipping again into delusions of future grandeur.

Cree stared at him with her mouth open for a while and, when this did nothing to distract him from his misty-eyed imaginings, she humphed moodily and pushed the button on her pokeball on Rai’s lap, drawing herself inside.

Rai snapped out of his daydream just too late, “Cree?” he said confusedly as his faithful Montama vanished in a stream of red light. He picked up the pokeball and stared at it glumly.

“Cree, you can’t expect me to go out on this journey and not do what I’ve always wanted to do,” he said at the green sphere.

The ball shook in his hands, obviously Cree expected him to do just that.

He reasoned that she’d come round to the idea eventually and plonked the hewn Apricorn down on the table before slumping back on his wooden chair.

“Pokemon trouble?” said a slightly taunting, but friendly voice from the doorway.

Rai practically jumped out of his skin and whirled around to face the unexpected intruder, tripping over his chair and falling flat on his face in the process. He pushed back his hat and parted his hair from in front of his eyes and stared up from his prostrate position to see none other than Tempest Village’s own Zach standing on the hut’s threshold. Rai hurriedly picked himself up and stood to a ragged attention in front of the diminutive leader.

“I came to give you something for your journey,” said the wizened elder, “but it looks like you have everything you could possibly need,” he added, nodding at the bulging shoulder bag weighing down the central table.

“Uh, yeah…” laughed Rai nervously, “some of my family members were a little too keen to see me gone.”

Zach grinned in an empathetic sort of way, “I see,” he said, “but I doubt your father had enough time to make you any more of these,” he parted his ankle-length poncho, revealing a bandolier of six pokeballs draped across his open palms. All the balls were of the standard red and white variety; the blue-topped great-balls and black and yellow ultra-balls were reserved for trainers with at least a couple of gym-badges. Zach presented them to Rai, urging him to take them and the wide-eyed young trainer picked up the leather strap and stared at the gleaming spheres. He prodded one gently and it popped open, revealing the complicated inner surface of super-reflecting mirrors and laser-emitting diodes.

“I don’t know what to say,” blurted out the stunned boy.

“A thank you would be nice,” said Zach, still smiling.

“O-of course, Sir, thank you so much, I’ll be sure to use them carefully.”

“I thought I’d give you a whole set of six, even though you’ve already got one,” explained the leader, “after all, I can’t expect you to catch every pokemon you battle on the first try.”

“You think I should catch every Pokemon I see?” asked Rai, surprised.

“Of course not, but then, there is no better way to get to know a Pokemon,” mused Zach thoughtfully, “Remember though, weake-”.

“Weaken first and throw when the target has its guard down,” recited Rai.

“Exactly,” grinned the boys mentor, “but don’t forget-”

“Status conditions such as burn, poison or paralysis also heighten catch-rate,” finished the eager boy.

“Excellent,” the leader’s grin broadened even more and his dark-brown eyes practically disappeared amongst his laughter lines, “you really do remember everything I taught you, don’t you?”

Rai blushed and sidled embarrassedly over to his bag. He busied himself loosening the buckle on the strap and threaded through the pokeball bandolier, attaching it magazine-style to the section that would sit across his chest.

Rai hauled the bag up over his head and pulled on the straps to position the bandolier. He grabbed his poncho from his pile of less bio-hazardous clothes and pulled it down over his tasselled hat. He assumed his most adventurous pose and beamed at the elderly leader.

Zach leaned on his engraved stick and beamed back. “Well, you certainly look ready,” he said.

Rai’s face suddenly sank as he turned his attention to the green pokeball on the table. “I am,” he said, “but I’m not sure about Cree.”

Zach’s features hardened slightly too, “Montana are famously stubborn, Boy,” he advised, “and from what I heard, your problem could have some serious implications for your journey. You will need at least a few more strong pokemon to fend of the others you will meet along the way.”

Rai’s emotions dampened even more.

“Nevertheless,” continued Zach, “her jealousy is to be expected and if you are patient and understanding of her, then I am sure her loyalty to you and your pride in her will get you through this problem with your friendship intact.”

The spark of hope reigniting in Rai’s mind was evident in his improved mood as he picked up Cree’s pokeball and fixed it to the space at the top of his strap.

“Now,” said Zach, “I will leave you to say goodbye to your family and have a good breakfast, but then you must be off.”

Grinning once more, Rai practically skipped back to his seat as his family began to stir around him and Zach slipped out of the doorway. If only, thought the wise old man, all pokemon had the abilities of the Psychic-type; maybe problems such as his protégé was facing could be resolved more easily with a more efficient form of communication.

*** ***​

Souhgem Outskirts - Ethar and Psymon.

Ironically, telepathic communication was exactly the thing that Psymon was at that very moment wishing he couldn’t do. In times of stress he missed the times when he could just play the dumb Pokemon and wait for his trainer to come up with a solution to their problems.

This problem was, however, quite a large one - and rather to literally for Psymon’s liking.

After roughing it overnight in an empty container they’d found, Ethar and his trusty psychic companion had awoken to find themselves under close scrutiny from a very confused-looking pokemon. Obviously, the hulking, blue-furred gorilla-like pokemon was not used to finding casual passers-by snoozing in the crates he was meant to be loading.

The amphibious simian was shortly joined by his trainer - a hulking, blue-overalled, gorilla-like dock-hand. After a short period of uncomfortable silence during which the brows of both the pokemon and trainer furrowed in remarkably similar fashions, the bulky labourer made his first attempt at communication.

“Oo are you then?” he started in a manner that suggested his language skills were normally limited to grunts and curse words.

He then apparently realised that this wasn’t the most immediately required information and corrected himself with, “What’re ya doin’ in ‘ere?”

<Psymon,> thought Ethar silently to his partner as he attempted to search his coat pockets for pokeballs without alerting the man or his pokemon, <a little psychic blast would be very useful here.>

Psymon, however, was otherwise occupied by the worryingly close maw of the gorilla-like pokemon. The drool-coated interior of which housed upward-pointing fangs that looked more suited to peeling the lids off of small family cars than the skins off of bananas.

<Psymon,> tried Ethar again, making sure his frustration went through loud and clear to the emotionally sensitive pokemon, <I have no idea what that pokemon is but with muscles like that, it’s got to be a Fighting-type, your abilities are the best chance we’ve got. Come on.>

<Alright, alright,> transmitted Psymon eventually, <…Hang on a minute, something’s wrong here.>

<Oh, you‘ve only just realised that have you, let me fill you in on what’s happened while you’ve been away: we’re being stared down by a Mister Universe material pokemon and his pet gorilla and you still haven’t sent him so much as a Confusion!> fumed Ethar psychically.

<No, I mean, something is actually blocking my abilities…> replied Psymon.

As if on cue, a small, furry face with huge bat-like ears peered over their assailants shoulder to see why its master hadn’t yet disposed of the intruders he’d alerted him to a few minutes previously.

<Oh sweet Arceus, he’s got a Dark-type with him,> shrieked Psymon, and, in an attempt to cower into the nearest corner, reminded the overalled man with his movement that he still hadn’t had an answer to his questions; or indeed any communication whatsoever out of the two stowaways.

Unfortunately, the troglodytic dock-hand didn’t seem willing to wait for his answer any longer and resorted to the age-old solution that all those of his mental capacity and position end up doing in confusing or difficult situations; he decided to pass the buck.

“Well, if yer not gonna tell me oo y’are then ya can go righ’ back to wherever ya came from,” he announced.

“Wait a second,” said Ethar aloud, “We didn’t arrive in the container, we were just spending the night he- wait, what are you doing?!”

“Slasher,” said the man, completely ignoring the panic-stricken Ethar and apparently addressing the pokemon on his shoulder, “close the doors.”

The pokemon jumped down onto the damp ground, revealing it to be around the size of an average dog. Its fur was black with dark-blue highlights and it had a thick, bushy tail like an over-sized squirrel. Its fore-paws ended in hands that seemed almost humanoid except that the fingers were elongated to about twice as long as they would have been if they were to scale and were each tipped with inch-long claws - it was clear how this particular Pokemon had gotten its nickname. Its enormous ears, though, were not the most distinguishing feature of its face by a long way; above the needle-fanged mouth and rubbery black nose were the creatures extraordinary eyes. Like the ears, they were huge in relation to the size of its head, but that wasn’t the strangest thing, the number of them was what confused the stowaways. A third eye above and between the other two was slowly opening as it crouched on the concrete. An eerie blue light poured from the lens beneath the rising lid and, as it opened wider and wider, an identical blue glow grew around the edges of the open doors of the huge container.

<I don’t believe it, a Dark- and Psychic-type? This region is crazy!> shouted Psymon telepathically from his position in the far corner of the container.

As soon as Ethar realised what was happening, he was on his feet and sprinting out the container door to confront the Pokemon’s trainer. His endeavours were, however, cut short by the burly gorilla pokemon blocking the only way out. One growl from the mammoth monkey was enough to convince Ethar that he needed a little more back-up, and Psymon certainly wasn’t going to be any help.

Now that he was focused, Ethar remembered why he couldn’t find his pokeballs - he’d put them in the other pocket of his bag. He cursed his earlier, panicking self and withdrew the one he needed from its embarrassingly obvious hiding place and released its occupant into the progressively darkening cuboid space.

“Go, Hermes!” shouted the dark-haired trainer, and, with a metallic clang as the pokemon’s hefty weight materialised on the steel floor, his trusty companion burst forth into being.

<I see,> said Eathar’s pokemon simply.

“Right, Hermes, let’s start off with a focus blast to dispatch that annoying Dark-type back there.”

<Aye-aye,> answered the pokemon, grinning at his little joke.

The pink pokemon held its stubby, arms out in front of its yellowish belly. His eyes clenched shut in concentration and a swirling ball of orange energy began to grow between his paws.

<Hurry, Hermes,> urged Ethar.

Frowning at his trainers impatience the pokemon turned to the side, his huge, grey tail-shell scraping along the container floor as he moved, and drew his arms back before flinging them forwards and firing the Focus Blast straight between the bemused gorilla pokemon’s legs.

Outside, the dual-type pokemon was busy pulling the metal doors together with its telekinetic powers and had no time whatsoever to register who or what had just smacked him in the face before he found himself sprawled in a puddle on the edge of consciousness less than two seconds later. As Slasher lost his hold on the world around him, so the dark aura he emanated vanished from Psymon’s mind and the relieved Gardevoir found his powers returning along with his usual bravado.

<Did some one ask for a Psychic?> he asked, appearing at the pink pokemon’s side.

“Thank Arceus,” muttered Ethar, “both of you, clear that roadblock,” he ordered, pointing at the blue-furred wall of muscle blocking their path.

Both pokemon’s eyes glowed as the dock-hand’s pokemon’s had, but their attention was not focused directly on the doors. With their combined efforts, they picked up the gorilla and threw him, roaring at the unfairness of it all, straight through the narrow gap that Slasher had left.

Outside again, the dock-hand was trying to revive his other pokemon and was unaware that he was about to meet a very similar fate. However, on this occasion, the ball of energy was replaced with an irate, glowing gorilla and the effect was far more devastating. Both trainer and pokemon were catapulted into the side of the nearest container and their thick skulls did nothing to stop them being knocked cold on impact.

“Psymon, Hermes, well done,” said Ethar, “but I think we would be wise to make ourselves scarce,” and with that, the boy, the Gardevoir and the Slowbro found themselves running from retribution once more.

*** ***​

The Tempest Mountains - Rai.

Route - 01

He’d finally done it. Raimundo Pachama had left Tempest Village and was setting out on a journey. It may have only been a journey to the next town, but with the chance to catch pokemon and meet new people, it might as well have been a trip to the shops for all Rai cared. The young boy glanced back at the sign he’d just passed; on its reverse were the words:

Tempest Village, the place where storms and stones collide.

Those were the first words any traveller entering Tempest Village saw and they were the last part of his home town that Rai would see for the rest of his journey.

As he trudged down the side of the East Peak, that thought kind of appealed to Rai. Leaving his town behind was a symbol of a new beginning, a new adventure. But if Rai had known that that adventure would last a lot longer than the week it was supposed to, he might have savoured that last glimpse a fair bit more than he did before kicking a stray pebble off the path and continuing on his way.

And he still might have considered more than he did if the same pebble hadn’t fluttered back onto the path and proceeded to nip its attacker on the ankle.

*** ***​
 
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Crystic

Pokémon Master
Zach’s features hardened slightly too, “Montana are famously stubborn, Boy,” he advised

This made me laugh.

Anyway, good read. I didn't quite expect you to bring in two new Pokemon so quickly, but whatever. I did however like how you used dark-type pokemon's immunity to psychic as a 'jammer' to Psymon's attacks. That was pretty cool way to show type advantages. Did the dark-type pokemon's 'aura' immobilize Psymon? It seemed like only until it was knocked out could Psymon do anything.

Keep on bringing out the chapters! :p
 
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