Oh don't worry, you won't lose me. I am very excited to continue reading this, and am enjoying the direction the story is taking. The kind-of-journey vibe is really great because it's a journey that Artemis and Cass are taking, but it's not explicitly one where the end is certainly a big championship battle. I'm very happy to hear that this is already finished, I'd hate to see something this good disappear into the depths of the forums D;Well, I'm flattered you chose this one to come back to! Hopefully we hang onto you. This is kind of a journey fic, but also kind of not really, because while Artemis is trying to go on a trainer journey, other things keep getting in the way.
You'll be pleased to know that this story is already complete, then! I finished it a few months ago; I'm just pacing the chapters out so as not to overwhelm people. And I'm really not the type to abandon stories once I've got going, unless I really have no other choice. It feels like such a waste of effort to have done, say, fifty thousand words and then to just let that go; I like to see projects through to completion.
You painted a very good picture of her for readers to get hooked onto, and as things progress and more of her character is coming out, she feels very real. The same goes for Emilia and Cass, too. At first I kept picturing Cass as the Lass trainer class (there are too many similar-sounding words right there) and viewing her as a little dim-witted, but you do a great job showing that there is a lot to Cass underneath the surface. I love the realization that Artemis has where she thinks Cass talks a lot because she's used to people not listening, and that when Artemis does open herself up to listening, we all learn that Cass has strange things happen to her, too.And I'm also pleased that you like the way I introduced Artemis. She's a complicated person, and with complicated people there's always a temptation to rush in and give all the details right away. I try to hold back, but I did give a lot of detail in that first chapter alone, and it's good to hear that that felt welcome rather than leaden.
It's not even just that they're glitchy, but they're creepy! I started playing Yellow this week (bought it to play on a flight to Hawaii and only got as far as Viridian Forest before forgetting about it... lol) and man does it give off vibes that works so well in this fic. Both the games and what you have written here have a definite feeling of "there's something more going on behind the scenes," and I love that.Also that you like the glitches. RBY are glitchy games, in the best of ways – they're so economically designed that, faced with unexpected data, they read it as an encounter or a trainer or whatever instead of just crashing, and that's not really something you get any more. So this is my celebration of that, in a sense.
I was thinking it was something along those lines. Good to know!Interesting! Maybe it's a regional thing. I pronounce Ms as 'Miz', which is pretty standard where I'm from, and that's how I've written it here.
I agree with you there! When I used to write Pokémon fics way back when, I would give each of my main character's Pokémon nicknames and specific personality traits because it made the whole feeling of a human traveling around with monsters in their bag that much more crazy and entertaining. You do such a great job at keeping the personalities but also developing these bonds with their human partners, and it's something that I am really trying to learn moving forward in my fic writing. Thank you for taking the time to create such great characters, it is very appreciatedThanks! The biggest draw of the pokémon world for me is the monsters, and I feel like concentrating on just my human characters goes against the spirit of what I like most about the franchise – so I always try to put in some effort towards making the pokémon as present and characterful as the humans. The games have this weird tension in them where thematically they encourage you to think of pokémon as partners, as allies and friends, but mechanically they encourage you to think of them as collections of stats, as tools, and there are several different ways you can respond to this, but the way I always go for is to say okay, I don't have to think about mechanics here, I can focus on the themes and make the pokémon the characters that the games would like them to be.
So I'm a few more chapters into this now and wanted to leave some comments!
Reading the scenes where Artemis was searching for brad felt weird since my first name is Bradley, haha. But I enjoyed the progression of her searches and love when authors find clever ways to incorporate real-world things like Wikipedia into a Pokémon fic.
Emilia discovering that Glitch!Oak came from the future was so confusing at first, but once I got it and audibly said, "Ohhhhh!" it was super cool. I have to ask, though, because now being a few chapters past that point I'm still slighting confused: the "ghost" man that Artemis and Cass saw was Glitch!Oak, right? I feel like I read through some of those scenes while I was lying in bed (I know I was reading some of those scenes while I was lying in bed, it's become a nighttime ritual at this point haha) and my exhaustion didn't help to process some of that information.
Loved the bonding between Artemis and Cass while they went to look for Ditto. Cass specifically wanting a Ditto and creating an entire side-journey to go get one feels very in-character for her without blatantly saying so. It was nice to see her and Artemis go looking for Ditto together and to experience breach together, too.
I believe this should be then (I read this chapter in bed last night and just had to scan through it to find that - I knew it was there but hadn't made note last night of where before falling asleep! :p)Cutlerine said:Cass is over her shock: Ringo slams into the back of the scyther's head, bill first, and the its face makes sudden vicious contact with the ground, body pivoting around its pincer-arm like a pendulum.
I think this chapter is my favorite so far. The parallel opening scenes where Artemis, Cass, and Emilia are all "drinking" was great to see, as was the additional parallel between Artemis and Emilia both being trans. It's always nice to see the number of trans characters in a story double, and even better the way you went about the scene where we learn more about Emilia's past. She is fascinating for a number of reasons, and in my opinion just the way we learn about her and her partner Pokémon is the most fascinating. Effie is one of the best Pokémon characters I've ever read about and she's spent the whole story in her pot, and I think that really says something about her and Emilia. Great stuff, there.
The ending scenes with Artemis and Cass fighting the Scyther-Scizor had me legitimately tense and if I were sitting up instead of lying in bed, I would have literally been on the edge of my seat. I made the mistake of trying to go to bed in the middle of that chapter, and couldn't sleep until I finished, but the way it ended was so intense I started reading chapter 8 before finally calling it a night. Scyther-Scizor's introduction was gripping and the descriptions of it during the fight were terrifying.
Not sure if this is correct or not, and sorry if I'm just getting too caught up in the way it sounds when I read it. The use of 'was' seems off, but I can't think of a clear way to describe why... I think I had seen an actual error somewhere, like just a letter missing on the end of a word, but reading before bed doesn't help me find it the next dayCutlerine said:Q99 – no, Emilia knows that one; it's one of the apparently endless move research teams, was working on developing some interesting new dragon-type moves before its funding was diverted into Project Glossolalia after that incident up in the mountains.
Also to nitpick on formatting, the paragraph where Artemis is thinking about Girl Things and having an Official Girl to do them with needs a space between it an the following paragraph (not sure if that's worth mentioning on a chapter that has been out for a while :x)
The beginning of this chapter moved very quickly and I liked that. I kept reading right after finishing Chapter 7 because I wanted to see how the situation with Scyther-Scizor went. I liked Rena's character and I felt like she kept the pace of the moment going forward. There was a bit of suspicion outside of Artemis getting a weird answer about breach from her... like she was trying to get through what happened between the girls and the Pokémon they brought in so it could be studied further or covered up. Or both. I'm hoping that's not the last we've seen of that Pokémon purely because I'm fascinated by it, but I'll have to keep reading to see if it comes back.
Emilia's progression felt nice too. A little more sophisticated than her previous amateur spycraft for sure. Looking forward to what she finds out about ROCKETS.