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Vito Winstrate [one-shot]

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Dramatic Melody, Oct 7, 2018.

  1. This is a revision of a drabble I posted last year, which you can find here. It basically retains the format and premise of that drabble, but expands it and makes it a bit more complete IMO. Don't really have much else to say, but I hope you like it!

    All of the pieces of dialogue are taken directly from Pokemon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire, but the footnotes are written by myself.

    Apparently, the new forums don't support superscripts in BBCode, so I had to make do with putting footnote markers like this: (1). I hope it doesn't bog down the format too much! If you want to read the fic in the format I envisioned it to be presented, here's a Google document with the proper format. I hope linking this is okay to preserve the format, but if it isn't allowed, I'll remove it.

    Vito Winstrate

    “You’re the first trainer I’ve seen deploy Pokemon with such mastery. But I should warn you—my son is stronger than you.(1) He even challenged the Pokemon League, I’ll have you know!(2)

    (1) No, his son is not stronger than you. In fact, he’s not stronger than a lot of people—I’ve lost so many battles the moment I stepped into Victory Road, and every loss only further proved my father wrong. Whoever you are, there’s a pretty solid chance that you’re stronger than me.

    (2) He hasn’t challenged the Pokemon League, I’ll have you know. He just told his family that he did, when the truth is that I haven’t seen the other end of Victory Road after weeks of training here. And how could I when all these trainers I battle are so much better than me?


    "When it comes to Pokemon battles, we're pretty passionate!(3)"

    (3) My mother isn’t wrong. When I was growing up, my family would challenge random trainers passing by to what was essentially a 5-on-1 battle, where the challenger would battle us consecutively without any chance to back out—unless they lose. It would be similar to the Elite Four challenge, and I would play the role of Champion, being the final battle they had to face. And that’s all the title of Champion will ever be to me—a role.


    "Mom is stronger than Dad.(4) I’m stronger than Mom.(5) And Grandma’s stronger than me!(6) But my big brother is even stronger than Grandma is!(7)

    (4) They always had little competitions to see who was stronger at battles, and nine times out of ten my mom would be victorious. It’s not surprising, really, when my mom was a gym trainer apprenticing under Gardenia in Sinnoh when she was young, while my dad didn’t even finish his badge quest.

    (5) My sister and I were both raised as battlers, and we never liked losing. So whenever I beat her in battle, she always gets a little jumpy. I guess we’re similar in more ways than one.

    (6) One person both my sister and I were okay with losing to was our grandma, although she wasn’t okay with us losing to her. She’d tell us stories about how, back in her day, she was only one victory away from being the Hoenn League Champion, and that she expects one of us to finally bring that title to the family.

    (7) And Steven Stone is stronger than me. And each member of the Elite Four is stronger than me. And this green-haired kid with an incredibly strong Mega Gallade is stronger than me. And this guy with white hair—or a white hat, I’m not sure—is stronger than me. And everyone I battled today is stronger than me. And yesterday, and the day before that...


    "There’s no question that you’re strong. But if you ever battle my grandson, you’ll end up crying in frustration.(8) He’s stronger than any other trainer we know!(9) My grandson must be challenging the Pokemon League Champion by now.(10) Knowing my grandson, he could be the Champion already!(11)

    (8) I’ve done that once, cry in frustration. I was staying in the Ever Grande Pokemon Center when a group of five trainers barged in. They reeked of overconfidence, and when they had their Pokemon healed up, they all said that the next time we see them, they would’ve all replaced the current Elite Four and Champion. That didn’t make me cry in frustration—what did was realizing how, only a few weeks ago, I was that kind of trainer. I was the one who was going to be Champion. I was the one who told the nurse that the next time she saw me, I was going to be the greatest Champion Hoenn’s ever seen. But here I am, weeks later, neither the Champion nor the greatest.

    (9) Grandma always told me I was the strongest trainer she’d ever known. Whenever I was with her, she told everyone she met that Vito Winstrate was the best trainer in the world. And I never doubted her—how could I? I always took that title to heart, and before I left for my journey, I told her that one day, I’ll be the strongest trainer in all of Hoenn. I don’t know when that day is, or if it’ll ever arrive, but I know that Grandma wouldn’t be telling anyone that I’m a strong trainer if she saw me now.

    (10) Am I even worthy of challenging the Champion at this point? Am I even worthy of challenging the Elite Four when I’ve become so weak? Am I even worthy of calling myself a Winstrate when all I’ve done is disappoint my family?

    (11) I’m never going to be Champion—not if I always lose, not if I can’t even get past Victory Road. Maybe I should just give up and go home. But what will my family say when they see me? What will Dad say about his weak son? What will Mom say if she finds out I lost all my passion? What will Vivi say if she finds out her older brother isn’t stronger than a lot of trainers in Hoenn? What will Grandma say if—if she finds out I failed the family? They don’t deserve that kind of disappointment. I don’t deserve their support.
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2018
  2. Starlight Aurate

    Starlight Aurate Just a fallen star

    OUCH right in the feels. I definitely relate to this; I've been keeping secrets from my mom about my job situation ._.

    lol at the white hair/hat/whatever that even is. I know it's supposed to be a beanie, but the way it tufts out really looks like hair.

    Footnotes 4-7 are sweet, but also so sad. It's cute for him to describe his family battle situation, but I also definitely get the feel of his grandma's expectations on her grandchildren--regardless of whether they even want to live them out.

    I get that Vito has taken to heart his family's expectations, and how he played the role of "Champion" when battling against random trainers with his family, but I don't get a sense that it's his own dream. I don't really get a sense of what he himself wants, other than to make sure he doesn't disappoint his family. That's not a bad thing; it's a short one-shot based entirely off a few bits of dialogue, but it really adds to the sadness of his whole debacle in that all he wants is to make his family proud and he feels like he has completely failed them. And since all we know from the games is that his family expects him to be the best, we don't know how they would react to his perceived failure--whether they'll forgive him and receive him with love, or whether they'll disown him and tell him to do better and earn his place in the family.

    I like that you wrote this, as it brings to light the plight of a small character from the games whom many might overlook; a lot of players probably didn't realize that they saw Vito Winstrate when going through Victory Road (I know I definitely didn't on my first play-through). I love how you always add characterization to every little character from the games and really humanize everyone we see--it's a big reason why I liked your HOH One-Shots! And I've been itching for something 3rd-gen centered to read lately, so that's another reason I'm so glad ;P

    Nice to have you back, and good luck with everything!
  3. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    All good given the reason and all! And interesting we don't have those anymore... I will make enquires about the tags.

    I remember the character in question from the games, and was surprised when I made the connection between him and his family when playing. Good take on his failings and despondent nature imo! The structure was solid too - good contrast of each of the quotes of the family members with his own takes on them. It also reminded me of your Humans of Hoenn entries.

    I also laughed at the white hat/hair gag, heh.
    While the use of repetition I feel is fine in some instances (e.g. 'What will ___ say'), I feel here there's a bit too much overall with 'finds out' also happening three times, and 'don't deserve' twice at the end. It could use a bit of variation. Maybe for a bit more of a kick-in-the-teeth feel, you could consider separating the last sentence and have it as its own paragraph?

    Nice to see you around again!

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